Genealogy Chat

Hi All Jules Good luck with everything, some time out may be just what you need and its great that your hubbie is being so supportive and looking after the children. Wish I could get mine to agree to do that if only so I could pop off to a health farm or something. Rainey Hope you're not feeling too bad at the moment. Any sign of the file turning up yet? Jess I assume you've not had a phone call or you would have said??? Now...a question! I haven't spoken to BM again since a week last Thursday when we had our initial chat although we exchanged Happy Easter text messages over the holiday weekend. Should I ring her again, if only to just say hi and see how she's doing? I don't want to appear to be crowding her and have been a bit reluctant to ring her again but when I said this to Mark yesterday, he said that maybe she is thinking exactly the same and she is sitting there waiting for me to phone her. It wasn't actually said who would ring who next, we just said we would 'talk soon' Lou

Lou, Just ring. You probably thinking the same as ur b/m. you only live once! If you don't you may end up regretting it love Jules hi to everyone

HI Lou, I reckon its ok to call her, after all your only returning her call as she called you the first time, and now the ice has been broken. You could just say you hope that she had a good easter and Thank her for making that first call as you apreciate how hard that must have bee for her. I would not ask her if she has mentioned you to youor half brothers yet. let that come from her, as you say you don't want her to feel pressured into doing this. Let us know how it goes, Good Luck! Sheila

Thanks peeps I'll give her a call this evening once little one is in bed and I can talk better. will let you know! Lou

Lou May be diplomatic to wait until whoever it was is back from their holiday tho, if she is , as you have said, a little unstable... you don't need to be responsible for a crisis occuring - mind you, that would prob have happened after the first call if it was going to happen. ~Jess~

hi lou am still waiting for the adoption file package to come thru from smedley hydro, i shall give it to the end of the week, if nothing thru by then, i shall pester my local social services to see if they can help, mind you though dorset social services arent that fantstic, my file is in the dorset social services so near yet so far VERY frustrating. with love lorraine ps wot will be in my file does anyone know

Hi Jess You might be right! She's back on Thursday morning so it can't hurt to wait a couple more days. Or I'll send her a text and tell her if she fancies a chat she can give me a ring. That way she's under no pressure to speak to me NOW if she's feeling a bit fragile at the moment Lou

hi lou I would send her a text and see if it is ok to talk or like you said her friend is back on thursday perhaps it might be worth waiting untill then , your husband might be write perhaps your mum is waiting for you to ring her and she does not want to push you in case she frightens you away I have just posted my letter to my nans husband to see if he can tell me anything about my nan or send me a photo of her ,It took me 5 atempts yesterday to get the letter right it was really hard to write but i did it , thankyou joan for the address just got to keep my fingers crossed and see if he replys ,still no response off my sister i sent her a message last night asking if it would be ok if i rang her in the week but still nothing back,I do not know wether to step back and give her time to come round it seems strange she wanted to meet me and then nothing after the last time we spoke on the phone we seemed to get on so well . Jules hope you are well and enjoying your breack it will do you some good ,did you go and see your grandad? and if you did how did you get on have you heared off your brother and sister ?hope to hear from you soon Jess anything off your brother yet?i do hope he rings you soon I hope everyone else on the thread is ok and everything is going ok lots of love donna x

Rainey Girl, What is probably in your file will be different from everyone elses!! I expect there will be a copy of the document signed by your birth mother giving you for adoption, ie, you will get to see her signature. Also the place / Court where the adoption took place. There may be correspondence about your BM, and possibly even from her. If you don't already know what your original name was, then you will find out, also the name of your BM, possibly BF as well. Sorry if this is a bit confusing, but my own file, which was very thin and did not tell me anything new. It is really hard to wait all those weeks for the file to be accessible. I had to wait longer again as I had to see a Counsellor and they are very booked up!! Anyway, I hope when you do get to see it that it gives you lots of info. love, Sue

hi sue thanx for the info, i already know my b/m name and my original name, i dont know my b/f name though, you see my b/m dosent want to be reaquainted with me, so i am waiting for my adoption file, as hopefully it will tell me why i was put up for adoption, as i need to know. its tuesday and post has been still no sign of adoption info from smedley hydro now theres a surprise with love lorraine

Hi Rainy Girl, Hows things, just a thought will tyour adoption records be sent direct to you, what year was your adoption? thought they would normally go to a coucellor first. When i had to collect mine, I was only in England for a few days so they made me an an appointment at the court where i head been adopted, and i had to be sworn in and sit in front of a group of magistrates to request them (boy I must have been curious) luckley they agreed to have them all photo-copied and given to me. A good idea as you don't take everything in at the beginning, but they seem to cary on how much info they give, so don't hold your breath they have any lengthy expalnations. Normally the is a scoial wokers assesment of the adoptive parents as well, and mine just had what to me was a standard comment that my birth mother had given me us for a better life (hope yours give you more). Good Luck Sheila

hi shelia i am waiting for the pack to come from smedley hydro, who then will also send a letter to my local social services, either wimborne or poole (hopefully wimborne) in the pack from smedley hydro will be a form for me to fill in to apply to the court to realease my adoption file, but i still havent had anything back from smedley hydro yet. i have phoned them and they have confirmed that they have my paperwork to realse my adoption file, but they are running behind schedule, i didnt realise that i would actually have to go to court as well not that it bothers me in any way at all, my adoption took place in the Blandford county court in october 1966. with love lorraine

Hi Lorraine, You wont have to go to court reckon they will release your adoption file to your counsellor so that they can support you with your findings, I only had to go to court, because I live in Germany and was unable to get fitted into to see a coucellor when I was home, so the courts fitted in me and granted me acess direct to see the records. Hope you are patient though by the time the form are filled in and you can get to view them its normally at least 3 months :O( Sorry things did not work out with your birth mother did she never give you a reason for the adoption herself, or do you just want to verify all the facts? Let us know if we can be of any help to you, with anything else. Hope everyone else if well, Jules are you enjoying your break ? :O) Lou are you going to wait till Thursday to get in touch, sorry i did not realise to qoute Jess that she was a little bit ubstable so waiting for her friend to return may be for the best, however, you could always send her a text saying you hope she had a good easter! Take Care everyone Sheila

Hi Lorraine.i don't think you'll have to go to court - did you ask for your file to be sent to your prefered place?- I believe it is send direct to them and guess it is the social worker that 'councils' you that fills in and sends off the form , just to say the correct procedure has been followed. Maybe others have other experiences?. hope it isn't too much longer in coming and tells what you need to know. ~Jess ~

hi shelia thanx for your answer, glad i dont have to go to court, not that it would have bothered me, no my b/m never gave a reason herself as to why i was put up for adoption, so hopefully it wont be much longer for me to wait. hi jess, hope all is well with you, yes i did state that i would like my local social services to councill me, and i so hope it wont be much longer. hi lou hope everything is going well for you to, knowing what i am like, i would more than likely just send a text, asking if she is ok and if she had a good easter, and to everyone else hope all the searches are going really well and that i am here if anyone needs any support with love lorraine xx

hi guys, Sorry I haven't been around. Not really been in the mood to chat. My little break has been eventful! Had to change my tyre on Monday, there was a screw in my other one! Went to the flat Sunday night and there were ants everywhere! I almost forgot the appointment at one house yesterday. It was too small and very clausterophobic. To most it is a nice house and overage size, but I couldn't breathe. Even the street itself wasn't very wide and crowded. So that's a no no! All hopes of seeing more houses is fading away quick. The days just wizz by. I really don't want to go back. If I could find a home right now, I'd get the family here in an instant just so I don't have to go back. This is home to me. I know in my heart of hearts that I'm doing the right thing by wanting to move. I'm off for the day now. Take care and stay positive. Love Jules xx

hi jules how is your house hunting going? did you meet your grandad?and have you had anymore contact with your birth family ,hope everything is going ok for you and that you had time to clear your head . I went to see my birth aunty and my cousins again last night it was a very good night we all got on very well my husband said it was like he had known them a long time ,I am taking my children to meet them on saturday for a hour still no phone calls off my sisters which is sad as i really wanted to get to know them ,my uncle has not phoned me since we met my aunty said to give it time ,my addopted dad is still not talking to me i am hopeing he will soon come around as i miss him my mom is still talking to me but has to come to my house to see me or talk on the phone I feel like you can not win with family addopted or birth either way at the momment ,oh well back to work on monday it will probably take my mind off things I hope everyone else is doing well at the momment lots of love donna x x

can anyone tell me how long an adoption file would take to get to me? what official papers are in them? ie.birth cert,and ive been told i will have to have counselling does it hurt!! and how do you find t least one single relative ive been searching the net and cant find a single link, nothing at all,so i dont have a clue, planet mars no doubt! the reason i think there are not many men on this message thingy is we dont like waiting for things, no patience,want it now, do it, meet them, get on with life! or is that just me? good luck with your searches colin.

Donna Time hopefully will see things straighten out a bit.People need time- and if after time things dont work out, hopefully it iwll have served as a healer to you. Initially i was very hurt that my brother didn't phone me,but as time passes It is healing ~Jess~

Hi All I decided to wait until her friend is back from holiday before getting in touch. I'm sure she will be fine but I would hate to be responsible for her getting herself into a state without much support around her. Without going into too much detail (names etc), BM had a breakdown a few years ago as a result of losing her husband very suddenly, my younger half brother getting himself sentenced to 7yrs inside and the council evicting her from the house she had lived in for 24 years as a result of little bro's criminal activity. She's been rehoused quite distance away from where I was born which is where she had lived all her life and where all her remaining family and her friends are so she's not only trying to pick up the pieces and get herself back to 'normal' but she's adjusting to being in a strange area with very few people around her for support. I was concerned initially that me turning up in her life would be too much for her to cope with at the moment but I've spoken to her very close friend S and she feels that this could be the best thing that has ever happened to her and could be a major part of the healing process for her. Apparantly she talked about me constantly, told everyone that she had three children, not just the 2 boys that everyone knew about and when the older son was 11, he was asked what he wanted for his birthday and he said he wanted his sister to come home. Bless! So S is back tomorrow and it was mentioned about trying to arrange to meet up somewhere on neutral territory for a coffee and a chat so we'll see whether BM still wants to do that Lou