Genealogy Chat

Hi, just like to say, you deserva to moan, and if people can't wait they should do it themselves, i personally am grateful for any help i can get, we are all trying to do the same thing, keep up the good work and i am sure most people are really grateful, thankyou

On July 4 2004, I posted a query to a fellow member. This weekend, I get a reply. It says: Can I see your tree? I ask whether he is interested in X Y. He is. I explain that the query is on behalf of a friend, so there is no tree on this site and the details are not on a gedcom. That doesn't matter, he gives me an email address. I spend quite some time checking references and typing up some notes. (Bear in mind that this is not my own family and it is quite some time since I did any research). I forward these notes. They are not complete, but contain enough information to lead a researcher to free sites to supplement the details. Today I notice that I have a reply which doesn't show under new messages. My correspondent has replied to say it is not the person he is interested in and has deleted all entries. He has also deleted the entries that relate to the name, so I can't prove it, but I only contacted him in the first place because of the name/place/date. From another surname on his tree, I KNOW that our interests are in precisely the same neck of the woods. I feel used and suckered. My temptation is to bombard him with dozens of emails: the equivalent of a small child throwing a tantrum. Is this why the site is called GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR? Brenda

Brenda, I think you have the patience of a saint!!!!! Shout GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!, I know I would if it happened to me!!!! Anne

Brenda You throw a tantrum, you have every right. I shared information a few weeks ago with someone who contacted me through the site as we share the same 4xgrandfather, although we are descended from different children. We exchanged some fairly pleasant emails, I compiled some notes that I hoped would assist him and sent them all over to him. About a week later, I got an email from him that literally just said 'Thanks', I've heard nothing from him since, have not received any of the information he promised to share in return and it appears he has now deleted his tree from this site! Lou

I had a distant cousin who I sent all my tree to. It was a while ago and I am not so naive now. I wrote out a long tree of many generations and sent it snail mail. He had the cheek to copy it and return it back to me, in his words, designed better. I was fuming and told him so. He had very little info before he 'met' me. That wasnt the end of it. A few weeks later there was a knock on my door, he had my snail mail addy, and it was his brother who was in the area. He said 'had I seen the wonderful tree that our D*** had put together. He's done so much hard work on it. It took years' Yes, it did. years of my work and money. Lets put it this way, his brother wont be knocking at my door again in a hurry. I told him exactly what a bl***y liar his brother was. I give very little info out now. I help them on their way. If they give me info on areas of the family I havent got I will give them more. But, I am very selective. There are an awful lot of takers out there. Margaret

Lou Snap! Exactly the same thing has happened to me and I have gone from ecstatic joy to utter despair! I was so excited to discover a relative, whose existence I had never even dreamed of - he seemed dead keen too - but he has stopped answering my emails and my own rule is: if you email them more than twice, you are being a nuisance. Of course, there may be a good reason, illness, family matters etc, but a quick email explaining this would have been nice! I am left with the uneasy feeling that maybe I said something?????(LOL) I have never been able to offer lookups/help on this board because I dont have any CDs etc, however I am carefully planning the buying of ONE CD (hey, damn the expense) and hope that I can then return some of the many many favours I have had on this board. Finally, I think it is obvious to most of us 'seasoned' members when someone is a total novice and I can't recall anyone ever being downright nasty - most Newbies quickly pick up the subtle hints that they should do the work themselves. Those who don't, need to have it shouted at them sometimes. Happy hunting everyone Marjorie

Blimey, Lou You ask if you can have a moan, and you now have a thread of over 180! Bet you wouldn't get the same response if you'd asked 'Can I say something nice?' :-) nell good luck with your in/out of county family. Perhaps you aren't really entitled to be Lancashire Lou?!

Hi Nell You may have a point with the way my lot are going. How does Every County North of Birmingham Lou sound? Katazyna I don't think anyone was intending to critisise newbies for asking for look ups. The point that was being made was that there are now people on this site who have been members for months. They know where the information can be found, they are aware of how to go about looking for it. But they don't. Night and night you see the same names asking for look ups, a lot of which is available on either free sites or pay per view. They obviously just can't be bothered to do it for themselves and have no intention of spending any of their own money in order to build their tree. Lou

Hi Anne Thanks, I feel much better, having had a shoulder to cry on. My one consolation is that I gave no information that I had paid for. Lou That's dreadful. It is dispiriting that there are so many vacuum cleaners around. The only thing I would say is that when I first joined this site, I put my entire tree on. It occurred to me very quickly that my living relations might not be best pleased, so I did some severe pruning and have never had the energy reload a fuller version.

I had a moan last week about much the same thing and was critisised by another member because 'this hobby is all about sharing info'! I agree BUT it's the all take and no give mentality that makes me angry. What riled me even more was that after I'd sent him the information (which was bascially details of our mutual ancestors birth which he didn't even know, who his parents were and the names and DOB's of his 6 siblings and his marriage details), he then contacted another member of the site (there are several of us on here with the same mutual rellie). He never mentioned to her that he'd got all the info he had from me, he just told her he had this, that and the other, and could she expand on the info he had. So he obviously has no intention of researching anything himself. What I gave him would have been enough to find the family on the 1861-1901 census, marriages for the sibs etc (I have it, its all there on the free sites) but he expected it all handed to him on a plate Lou

*vows for the 100th time to stop wasting her time* Gwynne

Thankfully Lou the people I have done lookups for have been patient, I do state on my thread that I work 3 days a week so maybe that is why. Vickie

I have been a member of GR since August and like many others here have learned so much just reading all the information that comes up on the board and I am extremely grateful for the many people that go to the trouble of replying to the various queries. I would like to have a moan about the people who post relatives on GR but never reply to emails. I had been seaching for a couple of relatives on various sites for nearly 3 years, bingo - I found one of them on GR, I was so excited as she is one of only 3 relatives still left on my Grandmothers side, I've emailed her a couple of times now but have not received a reply, I feel so disappointed, but still thats life I suppose - win some lose some, and if BB reads this please contact me. Will probably try one more email in a few weeks time. Have a good weekend evryone and happy searching. Grace

Oh dear Gwynne Who's been upsetting you now?? Lou

Hi Lou, I have several census images sitting in my 'temp look ups folder' waiting to be sent to people who asked for look ups. Why do people put up requests then disappear for days. I'll delete them later. Gwynne