Genealogy Chat

Hi Jess, Sorry for the way you are feeling at the moment but keep up the good work and let it pass you are a god send you have helped me a lot , god bless and thank you.

I recently did a look up of a family for someone as he couldn't find him in 1901, so I when I found him I traced him right back and additional family to 1871. This took a couple of days of my time which I didn't mind doing, I emailed him all my findings including reference numbers for ordering certificates and he emailed back 'thanks'. I was livid he could have put, thank you very much etc etc. I didn't have the guts to email him back saying is that all I get. Am I right to feel a bit anoyed.

Hi Marjorie, no problem - actually I dont think it is the same one as I think I know which one you are talking about! Dont worry please.

Veronica, thanks for that, it's very much appreciated and you are more than welcome. Jan :-))

Heather I think I may inadvertently be the cause of the disappearing thread you mentioned? I noticed that someone had posted three identical messages, one after the other. I assumed that it was 'slip of the finger' because the page was having a go-slow - I have done it myself! Later in the evening I noticed that all three posts were still on the board but had got separated and I put a message on the Top one, suggesting that the postee deleted two as there were replies to all three messages. The postee promptly did this - sorry, its my fault for interfering and OFFERING UNWANTED ADVICE!!!!!!(LOL) I should really have emailed you (and the other Repliers), however, the damage was already done and you had done the look-ups. I AM sorry! Marjorie

I see Grandpa Jim's Tips for Newbies has been nudged up by some kind soul. Hope it does the trick, but I doubt it very much. As has been said already people just don't read the WHOLE thread they just see the word LOOKUP and woweee, something for free. They are always the same people asking for lookups, it's one thing after another. Their trees are probably further back than mine. I've been guilty of misunderstanding threads before so now I try to be very careful before I ask for anything that's offered. I am a bit too embarrassed though I would hate it if people thought I was always asking someone to spend valuable credits on MY research. I ask for lots of advice and have been very lucky to get it but actually asking people to spend money on my behalf I find a bit awkward unless it's offered. I have NEVER put up a thread asking will someone do a lookup. I don't mind doing Ancestry and 1837 for people, I've done loads, I get Ancestry for free at the moment with my FTM and I usually have 1837s in hand but now I'm careful who I offer to. There are some people on this site who really are generous with their offers and they know who they are, they've helped me with lookups off their own bat and I've been very grateful. I will try to help them whenever I can with pleasure but the 'regular', no. Jan

Margaret The trouble is with that, if they do not read the heading where it says messages on the thread only. Then they will not see all the info that you have suggested. It has been said before, some people see the word LOOKUP and start asking before they even read what the person is offering. I noticed a thread the other day where someone was asking for advise as they were visiting the National Archives for the first time, and someone asked them to look something up for them. Bl***y cheek!! They werent offering a lookup, but asking for advise. There comment was ignored. I wouldnt have ignored it. Margaret

Jess I think I have occasionally been guilty of asking for the same look-up twice, because I was having a senior moment (or two!). But I understand your annoyance. Especially with posters who say 'how come auntie Blossom's birth cert says XTZ instead of BTW?' and after 3 or 4 people have explained 'often certs said BTW because...' and then they just ask the question again. Or you put up a thread saying 'I can do this lookup but not that lookup' and then several people post 'that lookup' requests!!! Sometimes I go on the REcords Board and see the poster and think 'not you again' and don't waste my time. Still, there are more appreciative souls here than not. nell

Jess Same happens to me. I have put on my heading replies on the thread only. Still gets loads of personal messages asking for lookups. I even got one yesterday asking for a lookup nothing to do with the subject I can look up. I think people dont read all the heading. On my NBI thread I have stated that the index is far from complete. I have had messages insisting they must be there and am I looking in the right places. When I reply and tell them that the index isnt complete, they said'Oh I didnt realise' I have now written out a little message and saved it in Word to explain how to put a message on a thread and not by personal message. Then I can just copy and paste rather than keep re-typing the same thing again and again. Margaret

getting prequsts for look ups in my messge box is irritating especially when it says REPLIES ON THE THREAD ONLY. When it is a 'newby' i tell them how to put a reply on a thread but it can be very hard not to sound patronising- its all a learning curve - jess

I think the problem with 'the naive person who jumps in and gives them what they are asking for' is that they cant believe that people are so heartless that they will take the p**s. They wouldnt dream of doing it and cant believe that others would. If those who persist is asking the same questions dont learn how the find the info for themselves then they will be a newbie for ever. Hard as it may seem to others, you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. Margaret

Lou Well said! What gets me most of all is those who ask for 1881 census look up's and BMD's without even looking on the FREE sites available, LDS and FreeBMD is easier to find on Google then This site? fair enough, if their Newbies, put them straight but for the 'Ones' who aren't, thats taking the whole Biscuit? and whats worse? They know it! Carrie

Trouble is when one of the persistent p*** takers get short shrift off someone there is always another naive kind soul who jumps in a gives them what they are asking for.

Andrew I think we are all a combination of them all. Me personally, I have a job (albeit one I do predominately from home), very young children and a disability but will help where I can. There is a pattern emerging of people asking for ancestry look ups night after night. And not just '1891 look up please', they want 1861-1901 including the children who appear in 1861 after they've married and had children of their own through to 1901. I've started to ignore those requests, I admitted ages ago that I have list pinned above my pooter of people I will NOT help out anymore, either because they are rude, ungrateful or simply have been taking the p*** for months now and obviously have no intentions of putting their hands in their pockets for certs, let alone credits or an ancestry sub. Sadly, like Margaret says, it wont stop because the people threads like this are aimed at giving a wake up call to are the ones who never bother to read them If it gives them nothing for free or isn't related to a look up they have requested, they're not interested. And while there's people willing to search 1861-1901 for several generations of a family for them, why should they do the work themselves? Lou

I've got two black eyes and a very sore head where i keep bashing away at things for people - without sounding pompous i know i have found the right person for them and they ask someone else. i guess it come from a lack of understanding. example: 'can you find Joe Browne born 1871 in Leicester anywhere?' so you return Joseph Brown complete with parents and sibs, address and occupation etc and they come back with 'No, he was definately JOE' ..and then ask someone else ....

What !! they just deleted the thread Heather after you'd posted all the information, that's outrageous. They must think you're their personal researcher and don't want other people to see 'what THEY paid for'. It gets worse. Jan

Jess. Keep up the good work!! I really appreciate your help and know that if the person is there somewhere, you will route them out like a good detective. You have helped me to knock down two brick walls and without your help, they would still be there. Jan

Yes Jess, I think we must be gluttons for punishment. After my moan last week about wasting time and credits I did it again yesterday, looked up all the poss marriages for someone, put it on the thread, no response, and now thread disappeared. I just dont understand these people BUT as we all know, they are in the minority and Im sure like me everyone else is very grateful for people like you.

Id like to add you are not over sensitive at all, you have every right to complain when people can't be bothered to reply wirth thanks. Julie

Jess I feel i speak on the vast marjority on these boards. your help is invaluable. You take time out to help loads of people, and whilst most say thankyou it does p... you off when they are rude and ungrateful. I don't blame you for being annoyed, ive been there myself, my blacklist is growing. Some people spoil it for others, there not prepared to read the boards for info, put their hand in their pockets, and some think by asking again they will get different info. IT COSTS NOTHING TO SAY THANKYOU. Im with you on this one JUlie