Genealogy Chat

Please can everyone send some healing thoughts to a young lady who I'm sure has contributed to this thread. Within the last month I think. She started chemo last Tuesday. Her birth parents still refuse to have anything to do with her even though the prognosis is poor. There are still plenty of other new relatives that have welcomed her with open arms. I just thought it would be nice if we could send her some love. Thanks guys. Jules xx

Hi Jess, thanks for your help, the child did not grow up with their parents. The mother is still alive but wont say anything, an elder sister is quoted as saying very recently 'I always thought she was adopted' but I am assuming not, as we now have received the birth cert, and nothing at all has been added. No alterations on civil reg either. I'm also assuming that a child could not have been adopted without the parent knowing, sounds daft I know, but if a child was in care maybe made a ward of court, would the parent still have to give permission for a formal adoption? I'm thinking this child is likley to have grown up in care, or been fostered, or gone abroad before any marriage. (BTW this is about Shirley, after a very long haul, much searching, 4 marriages :-O we discovered her birth sister's present name, a letter was written to her grown-up son as we couldn't find a current address, and BINGO, she phoned Shirley yesterday :) :) :) the sisters are 52yrs & 56yrs and chatted like they'd always known one another, Shirley's ontop of the word. One more sister to find... Hannah) Sam

Sami, I would say yes, biuy am happy to be proved wrong- d. Presume you have sight of original cert- how old were they when they dis-appeared?maybe they just changed their name (or their parent did) jess

Hi all Can I just ask you people 'in the know' I have a birth cert from 1951, if this person was subsequently adopted would it definitely, definitely have the word adopted on the cert? This person has disappeared, no marriage or death to date, the younger sibling of this person was adopted, and it was assumed that this person was also adopted. I know I've read before that the word ADOPTED would be written on the cert, well it isn't. So can I rule out adoption? Thank you Sam

Hi everyone, Hope everyone is ok. Went to the open viewing on Sat for the house I'm wanting to buy. For 40 mins I was the only one there (along with my Nan) until another lady turned up. I was gutted. Any bids have to be in by Weds by Noon. It's a sealed bid. Didn't even know what that was until I found this house. Nan really loved the house and like me, didn't want to leave! I rang up later to see if there had been any other bids. There hasn't but the lady is very interested but thankfully she is in the same position as us. Now all I have to do is wait until Weds evening to see if anyone else is a stronger buyer. If not then all is in our favour. I'm a nervous wreck. My Auntie Christine has been saying her prayers for me, bless her. Could it be that she is praying for my soul, I wonder? She keeps telling me that I am my Mum reincarnated. I have the same habbit of tormenting her in many ways. She finds it so bizarre as obviously I didn't find them until the end of Jan this year! I guess you could say that some things are just in your genes and you just can't help it! Nan and Auntie Christine were just discussing our reunion this morning. They couldn't believe that I had ever been anywhere but with them these past 31 years. I know myself, that I felt as though I'd never been away. But to then hear them say the same thing is kinda strange but in a nice way. Jules xx

Bumped for a new searcher

This has slipped so far back! I guess that means everones searches are going well, so no news maybe good news. jess

Hi, Can anyone help me I have received a letter from coventry adoption team about my search for my adopted brother 'andrew'.I have to ring the lady and was wondering what sort of questions should i ask her to gain information that might help me with my search,one question i am going to ask her if his file has ever been accessed,just not sure what else to ask,any surgestions? from sue

Rachel- maybe ....? delete the thread on records and save the info from tips. Come onto here and we'll try and help. if you are an adoptee we can help you.. Accept my appologies if i am wrong jess

Maddie, What have you got to lose? Nothing. Contact him. The worst thing he can do is to say he doesn't want contact. But you didn't have contact before, you will have lost nothing but gained that knowledge one way or the other if he wants to see you. You seem to have that inner desire to find him but are afraid at the same time. Don't be. Find out. At least to put your mind at rest. It is betterto try and fail than to not try at all to coin a phrase. you have a 50/50 chance of a good result. I say take the chance. I did and I have been xtremely lucky. Every bit of information is a success whether that be good or bad news. That is the only way I coped with it all. You have to decide for yourself what to do. I think the question you have to ask yourself is - would you prefer to know or spend the rest of your life wondering? Hope this helps. All the best Jules

Maddie, i don't think anyone can truly tell you what to do on this one,but you must follow your heart, myself i would say go for it maybe he is scared to approach you as the years have gone by? anyway best of luck in your decision and hope it all works out for you MOE!

Bumped for David

Nudge

Nudge for Keith

Go for it Maddie!- Knowing you have Lou to hold your hand. Jess x

Hi Jess and everyone else I'm probably going to make a botch job of this and I hope it's ok to post on your thread, Jess, as I'm not actually an adoptee. I'm more of an in-limbo kinda gal! I haven't be around for a long time (pressures of work, Lou would say avoidance of doing any hard work on the tree!) so some of you may or may not know that Lou (of the Lancashire variety) is my older sis. She has given me HER advice and opinions but I'd like some from other people too if that's ok. My Mum and Lou's mum were best friends from being at junior school, bridesmaids at each others wedding, etc etc. 9 months after Lou was adopted by her folks, I was born. When I was 9 weeks old, my Mum died of a brain hamemorrage. My brother was 5 at the time. My father announced that he couldn't possibly look after a young child and a newborn baby and I had to be put up for adoption. Lou's parents wouldn't hear of it, they took me in, the rest is history as they say. I was never formally adopted by them but I see them as my family 110%, I call Lou my sister, her parents Mum and Dad and their younger child, Andy, is (in my mind) as much my brother as he is Lou's. I had contact with my mother's parents regularly although they both passed away before I started high school. My father hasn't sent me a birthday card, Christmas card or anything since I was about 8. He was an only child and both his parents had died before I was born so there was never any extended family there to begin with. Since Lou made contact with her birth mother a couple of months ago, it's started me thinking about my father and whether I should attempt to make contact with him. Part of me thinks sod him, what has he ever done for me, the other part of me thinks that maybe he severed all ties to allow me to have as normal a childhood as possible without him hovering in the background. He'll be 72 this year and time is probably running out, I know he remarried but I'm not sure whether his 2nd wife even knows about the daughter he had back in 1970. I would appreciate everyone's HONEST opinions, not just what you think I might want to hear. This is actually the perfect thread to ask this on cos I don't have to say try and put yourself in my position and what would you do. You have all been there at some stage and some way or another. Maddie (Just for the record, Lou reckons I should write to him and give him the choice of calling me or not!!!)

hi Lorriane, good luck for 24th, i saw my adoption counceller in Dorchester last year,( i to am from Dorset) she was really nice and helpfull. Its good to have your file, it makes it all seem more real, although i found it weird reading about myself as a baby it was like looking at someone elses file, if that makes sense?? Julia X

Question is Lorraine, do you think it will contain anything you dont already know? When I went for mine it was the smallest bit that made me cry ( maybe i needed to?) .relaying the fact to Mum later I said that i was suprised B/M had given me a first name. Mum promptly infroms me that she knew that B/M had and that she'd told me my Birth name years ago - Obviously stored in the back of my mind somewhere, and yet it hit me like a bolt out of the blue- very wierd. 24th must be the day this month - my B sister has her op that day, so will remind me to think of you Jess

hi everyone i have finally recieved my letter from smedley hydro regarding me viewing my adoption file, i then had a letter from my local social services in wimborne (dorset) and i have my first meeting with my adoption social worker on may 24th am really looking forward to it and my lady sounds really nice love lorraine

I'm actually feeling a little disillusioned with the birth family at the moment, maybe it will pass! After the initial contact and lots of phone calls/text messages and meeting for lunch, it seems to be me who always has to instigate the contact. BM went on holiday Monday just gone, promised to phone me for a chat before she went and nothing. And my half brothers have both had my addie and phone number for almost 4 weeks now but neither has been in contact. Seems odd from two people who have supposedly been desperate to meet their sister for the last 20+ years. Sorry Jess, I know you've been hearing my moans for days on the subject now but thought I'd post and voice my whinges! Lou