Genealogy Chat

Hi Liz, Wow!! Congrats for what you achieved already. I too, have been in the same situation as you. As in, I hadn't told my adoptive family about searching. My reasons were slightly different to yours but that doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel about things. Everyone has different feelings and thoughts about the next step or two ie do I tell my adoptive parents just yet and do I make contact with a birth rellie first? Each decision is as individual as we are. You know yourself and your adoptive parents very well. Rely on your instincts to tell you what to do. We can only give our opinions and tell you our experiences, the rest is down to you. From my situation I held off telling my adoptive parents for a couple of reasons. Mainly because I knew they couldn't it if they knew (really long story) and secondly I couldn't see the point in it, if it turned out badly and my birth family wanted no contact whatsoever. They have been told since, about a month later after I met Mum's side of the family ( could have been later). I got what I expected from my adoptive parents but what I got my birth families far outweigh anything negative. Before I started my search I had decided that whatever the outcome it would be better to know all the facts, good or bad than to live the rest of my life wondering what if. Sorry if I'm rambling again guys! This is your search and you have to do what is right for you. YOu have to be comfortable with the choices you make. It's not going to be easy. At times it's going to be a little rough but you will get through it. We are here if you need us. All you have to do is shout. Wishing you all the best Jules x

Hello, thought I would say my little story (which still has my head spinning!) Always known I was adopted, but came out with that old chestnut 'It doesn't matter to me, as I have a fantastic family etc.'. I sent off for my file in 1999, which was a strange read. The strangest part was reading the report from the social worker saying that I had settled in well to my new home, and that it was sure to be a successful placement. The file contained lots of little bits of information that I already knew, but had forgotten about. Did some half-hearted searching at the Family Records Office, but without really knowing how to go about it, it was like a needle in the haystack. More purposefully, I picked up the gauntlet again recently. With some great advice from this site (thanks everyone!), I contacted Margaret Drummond (thanks Margaret!) to help me look up BM's birth certificate in Scotland. She came back with a family tree! I never realised my roots were SO Scottish!! And then with thanks to all of the information on the internet, I tapped it into the electoral roll and got an up to date address for BM's brother (my B Uncle). That is why my head is spinning!! What I have written doesn't include all of the stress, anxiety, heart pain that I have been through over the last X years re: adoption. I never expected to find an up to date address so 'quickly' - I know from my file that he knows all about me (actually he helped deliver me, as I was an unexpected home birth!!). So I am now in a situation where my family (the ones who brought me up) didn't know I was searching (I didn't expect it to all happen this quickly so didn't tell them!), and the equivalent of an unexploded bomb of an address in my hands. WOW! Godd luck to everyone with their information finding (the Social Worker I had was great), and their search. Liz

Hi Angela Spent the day today with my birth sister as it happens. we're best buddies!! jess

hi every one just wondering if there are any adoptees who are still rejected my there birth mother or father me and my sister were adopted and still they want nothing to do with us,i suppose i am just the unlucky one i do have cantact with some of my birth family my 3 brothers and 2 aunties so not all is lost,its so lovely to read stories about birth familys been reunited especially mothers and daughters and daughters and dads angie x

Thanks for that Sue, Like you I have left messages on various sites asking for information, I have my B/F name and a sibling (have met both by accident due to the adoption being within a step-family) but do not feel that they are very approachable. my sibling met me several times, I did not know her but she knew who I was and never told me - it was quite a shock when I realised who she was several years later when she attended our Birth grandfathers funeral, along with my birth father (I had my Birth family sat one side of the church and me with my adopted family sat the other (B/F has re-married and has new family) Its just that final piece of the puzzle - perhaps thats what holds me back, that knowing would be the final bit or fear of rejection. Beve

Hi Beve, I think what you are feeling is quite normal,I found my birth mother ago and for some reason I am unable to tell my adopted parents.Sending off for birth certificates i did without a thought also leaving messages everywhere. UPDATE I have calmed down now!!!! I'll start from the phone call,the letter had been forwarded to my adopted brother and he rang my social worker in Coventry and has said that he would like me to write to him,I am not sure what I will put in it as I can't remember what I put in my birth mums 1st letter! It still hasn't sunk in yet i think,I only spoke to the lady in coventry on the 23rd may,so it has happened really quick! With this happening and the news about my file my feet haven't touch the ground. From Sue

I have recently downloaded the form to apply for my Birth Cert - have filled it in and even put it in an envelope, with stamp, but I don't know why i can't seem to get it to the post box!!! My adopted mum died 2 yrs ago but somehow I feel disrespectful to her for looking for my birth mothers details, is this a normal feeling??? Beve

see we have some new adoptees about, <<< Whack>>>>to the top!! Jess x

Hope all goes well for you Sue. Thanks Angela. Best wishes Jules

hi all its so lovely to see happy stories on this thread good luck jules and sue hope all goes well for you both god bless angie x

Wow Sue. What excellent news. Thought this thread was dying..an up you pop with that. Brilliant! look forward to hearing you say you have spoken to him. Things progressing then Jules?.Good for you. Jess x

Hi Just got off the phone from my other social worker in Coventry and my adopted brothers mum has passed on the letter to him and he has rang her!!!!!! In a bit of shock at the moment will update when I calm down!!!!!!!!!!! Sue

Hi everyone, Hope you are all well. Just a quick note to let you know that I sent off for my sister's birth certificate, Dad's and Grandad's the other day. They all turned up today. My sister and I were born in the same hospital. I hadn't even realised that! It was on her certificate that I saw my Dad's signature for the first time. Wow, what a buzz. It was exactly the same buzz as when I saw Mum's for the first time. I know it sounds rediculous, but it's really starting to feel that Dad is my Dad. I already knew he was, but now it feels real. I had to laugh when I read on the certificate what his occupation was. It said ' arerial technician ' he missed out the DJ'ing part but I guess you can't have everything!! I have been trying to find Dad's brothers and sisters entries on 1837 but with no luck for some reason. I have looked twice. Either I'm blind or maybe they've been mistranscribed somehow. I don't know. It's nice to finally be putting all the information together and gaining my real family tree. I know everyone has a different take on who your real family is, but for me it is my birth family. I love hearing all the family stories although I haven't had many of Dad's side just yet. That will change once I move and I can them more often. Hope everyone's searches are going well. Stay positive Love Jules xx

Hi Jess, I'm not an adoptee but I know that somewhere out there I have a couple of nephew/nieces that my little sister put up for adoption in the 60s/70s. I know little sister is not too interested in the past but if there are any adoptees born in the Edinburgh area in that time looking for a birth mother with the surname Tucker please point them in my direction. Good Luck with your quest. Friar

Glad to see this thread back on top where it belongs! good luck to you all in your searches MOE!

good luck to the two sues lots of changes happening in your lives i had my adoption file about 2yrs ago after waiting about 10 weeks which seemed an eternity my file was well documented lots of info on my birth parents and what happened to me after i was taken away lots of social workers reports and medical info in my file also my school reports were in there actually it was like reading about some one elses life and not mine very wiered feeling but im glad iv got them to keep lots of info i didnt know about i think i read my file every day for the first year i had it now i just get it out now and again cus some of it is a bit destressing but iv learnt to cope with what happened to me and very greatfull i had wonderfull foster parents who picked up the pieces good luck every 1 love angie

Hi Sues! Good news for both of you, keep us posted on developments. I had another very long phone call with BM over the weekend and we're going to try and arrange to meet up again sometime soon. My eldest son (who's almost 17) wants to meet her and she's keen to see him so we'll try and get something planned. I'm not sure about the little ones at the moment, they're too young to understand what's going on but would hate to confuse my 3 year old and I don't want to have to lie to her about who BM is if she asks. A tricky one! Finally got a letter from younger half brother on Saturday which was good - was beginning to think he wasn't that bothered after all. He apologised for taking so long to write but admitted that he was embarassed about his current situation (he's in prison!) and was worried that I wouldn't want to know him or let him have anything to do with my children because of where he is. I haven't replied yet but I will do sometime this week. Lou

Hi, Had a phone call today from my social worker,she has my adoption file and I have made an appointment to see her next Monday(6th) at 11am. Can't wait Sue

Morning Lou, Thanks for your good wishes. The phone call was interesting. Apparently my b/m gave up nursing, as not well paid (ha ha) and worked in a bar to save for her fare to Canada. Toronto or Montreal, she is not sure. She was going there to join her sister!! I did not know she had any other relatives, thought she was an 'only' like me. So now I shall be searching for two rellies, not just one and there may be cousins too. Sadly this lady had no photos, but gave me a good description of b/m. This lady saw my mother on a regular basis, after she had given me up, she said b/m used to cry about this, but there was no way she could keep me due to financial reasons. No mention of b/f and she never asked. She really wants to help me and is writing to her friend in Canada. She had lost touch a long time ago, but is very keen to help me find b/m. Sue

Hi Sue I shall hold my breath and keep everything possible crossed for you that this is the breakthrough that you need Lou xxx