Genealogy Chat

hi jess i will tread very carefully indeed i shant go charging with both feet although that is what i would love to do, i am taking on board all your advice, i know that my birthmum dosent want contact as she has been traced and in a letter she says that she has no wish to be reaquainted with me, that i will respect as i have no wish to cause anyone any heartache or upset. love lorraine

I wonder if my birth mother thinks of me today - i doubt it, any more than she thinks of me any other day. The day when her worst nightmare came into being - when she was delivered of the daughter she didnt want. I'd love to know if i was on this planet X years ago at this time of day - its one of the things that wasn't recorded on my file that i would like to know. Thank you for Giving me the gift of life B/M, and for giving mum and dad the gift of your flesh and blood. jess x

Hi Jess, 'Happy Birthday' to you, :O) Sorry that you seem a bit down today, but you know from every negative thing in life comes something posative, like you say this may have been a sad day for your BM, but for your adoptive family it was a wonderful day! and you should never underestimate your true worth in life, just ask your family and friends around you. For most of us we may have a feelings of rejection by our original family, but we only have to look to the family who took us to their hearts and called us theirs to realise love is not always dictated by blood relations, they are ultimatly our parents, no matter what our birth certificates say. Hope you have a wonderful day! Take Care. Sheila ps. Rainy Girl take a little time to adjust to the situation and think things over, if you still decide to trace your birth father and Alter is busy or needs help, let me know as I can do look ups on the elctoral roll to help. Hope everyone else is well, look after yourselves.

Prog on TV tonight about adoption - ITV 9pm - hopefully NOT regional!

hello every 1 thanks for that info jess,i remember it been advertised in the t.v guide iv been contacted this week by my birth dads cousin which was nice as its usually me find people im hoping to finally meet my birth aunties in feb,we have been incontact for nearly a year now and its just lovely to have birth family members who want to keep intouch well hope every thing going ok for every 1 keep us up to date with your progress lots of hugs angie xxxx

nudge for Jess

hello everyone it is a year since i recieved all the documents re my adoption now 63 yrs ago, may of you have been kind enough to help me over the past year. I have a nagging question no father is listed and most of the people involved are dead, is there any chance of finding a birth father or am I answering my own question and there is no chance, i am usually very leval headed but not being aware is bothering me, also as many of you are aware i have contact with my half brother in scotland and met his daughter this year, but still no photo of my birth mother no one seems to have one another strange thing, perhaps it is just the time of year and memories raising there head and this site of jess's is so great regards dorothy canada

Hi Dorothy, Finding your B/F may be difficult but not necessarily impossible. I too never thought that I would find my father but I did. I did however have his first name, age and job descriptions in my file which gave me a start. It wasn't easy to find him but I did and I'm glad I did it. Even if things hadn't have worked out good, at least I could say I tried my hardest. Wishing you the best Jd

Today is my B/F's birthday. He would have been 50 today. Feeling very down. Also feeling guilty that I should have come looking for him and my Mum at 16 like I planned. Even though Mum had already died eight earlier I still would have been able to to have a proper relationship with Dad. Both families have been wonderful to me and welcomed me without question but it's just not quite the same without them. I love my birth families unreservedly but I just wish Mum and Dad were here too. Jd

Jd, adoptees often seem to feel guilty about 'doing' or 'not doing' things- the point is, you did your searching when the time was right for you, if it was right to have done it earlier then I'm sure you would have done so, something obviously stopped you when you were 16 and maybe that was for the best- something you'll never know. jess xx

Just wasnted to say these threads r really good, as an adopted person looking for a bith family it helps knowing that there are people out there that try and help without wanting to make a profit from it. I am still looking for my birth family and not getting very far but its nice to know that people whom i have never met want to help. A big thank you to all u caring people. xxxxxx

Hey - its ages since this thread has been anywhere near the front- Lets ressurect it for christmas! Had my birth sister here on sunday for lunch and Tea + my adoptive Mum dad and brother and all their offspring - it was great! Mum and dad are fantastic about it - they have no problem with it at all...and in fact it was quite funny to hear Ruth say ''hey Dad, Pass the sprouts..'' She is estranged , pretty well from her adoptive father (and her mother is dead) so she has kind of 'adopted' mine.... I guess I am really lucky - actually i know i am! We have been a bit naughty and writtten B/m a christmas card, telling her of the wonderful time we had when we spent a week together on the coast in the summer....she denied to Ruth that she ever had me some years ago (Ruth being the elder of the to of us) so we dont exactly rub her nose in the fact that we know she told us porkies but..... Anyone else seeing their birth sibs over christmas? Jess x

hi jess well my reunited story still isnt going to well not heard off my brother since august my little brother still has no contact with me and my sister nor his mother and hasnt been out of his bedroom for 2 months.hes finding life hard to cope with since me and my sister got our files he hasnt actually read them but my big brother went round to his house and told him it was realy bad what was in the files and my little brother just didnt want to know middle brother well he was the sort of half descent brother till his girlfriend had a go at me for doing my birth family tree and we havnt spoken for months but my brother was ok with it all.now iv just found out shes 5months pregnant and no one told me.my sister knew verually straight away and told her not to tell me as they wanted to tell me themselves but why wait 5months so not such happy times as id had hoped.i just leave them to it know.they have never shown me respect they just do my head in all the time.so i think its time to let go and move on angie xxxxxxx

Angela. Its hard when i happens like that - at least you found them, many dont do that even. move on for now- nothing to say you cant contact them again in the future.

had great times jess with my brothers but the bad times do seem to over take the good times we come from totally different worlds we realy do i will never forget the first year and the time i first met them all it was amazing and i was blessed to have been able to meet them it is time to move on jess.they know were i live and how to contact me if they need to.im just going to enjoy xmas with my little family that i am also blessed with hugs angie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just want to say, as an adoptive mum with 3 young adults still at home, you have given me much food for thought. I hope you don,t mind me looking in. I,m sure what you have said will help me when my kids start tracing their birth families which I think they will sooner or later. We try to keep communication open. Remember, adopted children are children of the heart and loved twice. Love and peace to you all.

Started reading from part 1,read most of part 2 and slightly ashamed to say skipped most of part 3. If this really is the mad house then lock me in and throw away the key! Iblindly thought that all the emotions i have felt were only felt by a few people,but i've seen every emotion and thought i've had over time shown in these threads. I have sat and laughed cried and oh no'd at some of the experiences on here. I particularly seem drawn to lancashire Lou,don't quite know why,but since i got my cert last week,every question i have asked myself and every what if that crosses my mind appears in her experience. There are other names that crop up,but without causing offence to others i would like to publicly say 'Thanks' to Lou.I feel so much better for reading her comments jokes and at times anguish. I found out my BM died 15 years ago,but there are half brothers and sister,some are in touch others not.Just at that early treading on eggshell stage at the moment. Thanks all,just find this all a bit inspiring.(Think that might be a bloke thing lol)

just wanted to say to fergie i absolutly admire any one who adops some one elses children i know it is a hard job as i put my foster mum through hell and god bless her for sticking with me love angie xx

Thanks Angela, I adopted my children because I wanted a family plain and simple. Lots of people over the years have said to me that they admire me for what I have done but I don't feel I have done anything special. However they come children can be mixed blessings and many of my friends have had no end of trouble with their natural born children and I'm sure you were no worse than them to your foster mother. Nerves of steel required for any kind of parenting especially teens nowadays! Lots of love to you all.

fergie , My parents , when asked them, said pretty much the same - they wanted children - they 'chose' us or so they would have you believe! We argued and fought like any normal siblings - and dont doubt for one moment that we acted in anyway 'different'; because we were not 'blood' siblings , and guess there were times when the had wondered if they had made the right choice! I will never EVER forget ,something that someone said to me when my brother died -'' well, he wasn't your REAL big brother'' - Oh yes he was, or at least the only big brother i'd ever known!! I guess all adoptees wonder what life would have held for them had they been adopted by someone else - and at those times when in teenage years hormones rages and emotions do backflips - maybe wish they had but....who knows? There is a song, that when ever i hear it makes me cry and am determined to have it played at my parents funeral because it contains the words - 'I'm everything i am because you loved me' and it is so true- i am me because of them Glen, If you think there is an adoptee in the world that doesn't wibble from time to time, then you are wrong -Just think its harder for a bloke to admit he feels emotional ps Lou is off line at the moment, will talk to her over christmas i guess