Genealogy Chat

If your brother in law has not been adopted then he is still her son. After and along with the husband he has inheritance and administrative rights should anything happen to her. It sounds a bit suspect. Bob

While I can understand how devastating this situation must be for your brother-in-law, I think he may have to put a slightly different perspective onto this. If it were me, I would try to find out who Mrs Jones is... hire a solicitor if he has to, but find out what predicament his mother is in before trying again - even if this means it may be too late. Note I used the word 'mother'... this lady isn't his mum - that privileged title should be given to the woman who raised him. I speak as a person who has seen this predicament before - from both sides... sadly, sometimes in life there are no happy ever afters, no tying up of lose ends... Support your brother-in-law (as it seems you are doing so already)... and let him know that you are there for him nomatter what, but I suspect you may have to be prepared for the worst in this matter. How terribly sad it all is for your family... I expect I shall be one of many many people on here that are thinking of your brother-in-law, and sending the best to him.

How sad. I go along with the others. How do you know that the carers even asked his Mother what she wanted. My grandad was looked after by a 'carer' in his last 2 years, and she took him over completely. Even though we all lived in the next street and had seen him almost daily all our lives, we practically had to ask this womans permission to see him. Please don't misunderstand me, I know there are many carers who do a wonderful job but how do you know that these two have her 'best interests' at heart. Hope something can get sorted. Linda

I HOPE he does have another try to contact her, Smiley................I wish him all the luck in the world. I think all of us will be thinking about him + hoping he manages to see his Mum. Regards Ann

Sammy I'm sorry your brother in law had to receive such a horrid letter. My thoughts are that if the carers truly had his mother's best interests at heart, then they would have taken the time to write a more kindly letter explaining the situation exactly and her wishes clearly. Even if his mother had said she was completley disinterested they would probably have softened the message. I can't see the upside for anyone in writing the letter he received, except that it keeps a relative away and leaves the 'carer' in charge - could I be paranoid? perhaps. Could he go and see her, if she is genuinely too ill, or really doesn't want contact then he would be able to judge it for himself. Another thought, if she is ill and needing carers then he might be able to find out if the social services are involved and make contact that way. I recently did this for my Nana as none of us has contact but we wanted to be sure she was ok. Karen

I am sorry to hear of your plight.I am a care assistant and believe me alot of elderly people would pass away a lot happier if their lives had been in order.The carer had no right to deal with this matter unless she had power of attorney.If you don't try to resolve this matter you may regret it. of course you will have to be tactful and gentle and hope that you can turn things around.When I look back on my life there are so many regrets.I would rather be witout them. I wish you every happiness and that you will succeed in your mission.

What a blow for him - I most certainly would not leave it at that. what right has the care worker to dictate in such terms! Very best of luck. xx

I am not being funny but I would write again saying I am her son and if she has not got much time left then please let me see her or I would turn up on the door step I mean if they are telling the truth and she has not got much time she might be scared but give it one last shot

What a sad reply for your relation. I wonder if the reply has come from his mother or the carers who think they are doing what they think is best for her. Is there no family member that can go and visit his mother and see how she really feels. I am sorry to say it but it sounds like the lady is quite poorly and perhaps to ill to think straight at the moment. Good Luck Irene

OMG.how awful. My first re-action is that I would go round BUT.......what a predicament, should anything happen he would feel responsible..........there again this will probably be his last chance to see her. I think he must just do what his gut instinct says............she MAY change her mind + want to see him though...There was an uncle in my adopted fam. who had, for his own reasons, lost contact with all the family but when he knew he was dying he wanted to put things straight. The poor man...I really feel for him.

MAY 24th 2005 My brother-in-Law has traced his mother, she is 56/57yrs old, he's 36 and his parents separated when he was 3yrs old, he’s not seen his mother since. He was brought up by his paternal grandparents. He & my sister composed a very nice letter, saying he would like to meet her. He got no response, 3 weeks later he wrote again, just reiterating what he had already said. He got this reply today. Dear Mr H*** On behalf of Mrs H*** I am writing to you, not to write to this address again. I am one of two carers, who look after her, she is very ill, she was in hospital at the time of your first letter, it set it back a lot. Please respect her need to be left in peace, and the time she has left. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Mrs J Jones He’s absolutely devastated as you can imagine. What now? Is that a closed door? Would you leave things as they are, he’s so upset. I would appreciate your insights Sam

Please read, sorry it's a bit long...