Genealogy Chat

Maybe it would be an idea to ring the Social Services and see if they can help... if they go and see her, it would be nothing really to do with whoever is her carer.... could the carer be another relative who maybe doesn't want you to see her for some reason? It is worth trying, because if this had been the case and it was my mother, nothing would stop me from seeing her, even if it was to tell me to go away. But I would need that telling me by her , not a carer. Give it a go, you've got nothing to lose by doing it. And good luck. Anne :))

It has nothing to do with the carers who should see or who should not. his mum I bet would love to see her son to sort things in the way what happened to them when he was younger.(settle some old ghosts before she goes & have piece of mind). You go for it & visit her before it's too late. It would give your brother in law the know that he was able to see his mum bfore she dies. He'll need you Sammy to get through this, are you going with him? Best of luck Sammy & to your brother in law, x

Thank you all for your thoughts & good wishes. I agree with the approach towards the carers, we do not know for certain whether they are legitimate or not, but it is definitely a better way to play it by letting them think we believe them to be genuine. I even wondered about sending a letter to Mrs H*** address F.A.O. Mrs Jones. She couldn't be any less helpful than his mother anyway. Sam

Also never added before but have been following for a while, so sorry things didnt go plan, hope everything works out xxx

Hi Sammy As a lot of other members I have been watching this thread with much interest. I do feel so sorry for your BIL he must be devastated going all that way and not being able to see her. I wish him all the best in whatever he decides to do in the future and hope that the outcome will be a pleasant one. Tell him to keep his chin up and keep trying Regards Jackie

Sorry to hear that it did'nt go as he had hoped, he must of felt so down after that. Hopefully he will hear back from her...fingers crossed.

Hi Sammy, I have not added to this thread before but have also followed it with great interest. I am so sorry that your BIL did not get to meet his mother. I agree with everything that Laurie in Oz has said, I'm sure that would be the best way to go. I really do feel for your BIL, he must have so many emotions buzzing around in his head, but he is also so lucky to have your sister and you to give him all the support you both have. I truly hope this story will have a happy ending and that he doesn't give up. Thinking of him and wishing him lots of luck when he visits her again, Ann

Hi Sammy, Sadly dissapointing but surley not defeated,,,,,? Kay.

Hi Sammy, first contribution to the thread, but have followed with interest. Just a suggestion, but maybe a good idea would be for BIL to take a different tack with these 'carers'. If it were me, I would be waiting for the carers to arrive, and approach them - suck up big time, like I never meant any harm, but can't rest now till I know she's OK, I'm sure you'd understand .. if it where your mum, the grievance was between the parents not the child .. I just want to know if she has everything she needs, is she getting proper health care .. can I assist in any way .. I respect her right to privcy if thats what she wants .. Get them on side, milk them for info - then form an opinion as to what sort of 'carer' they are and where to go from there. I would leave the neighbours out of it until I'd tried that course - because you would never know who the 'carers' were related to, or working with, or friends with so you might build a wall you could never get over. Good luck - thoughts and prayers Laurie

Sammy, so sorry to hear BiL's visit didn't go as planned. Thinking of him and hope he tries again - just in case she isn't getting the mail. Jan xx

Sam, it is a start. It didn't go as I'd hoped, but it IS a start! Still thinking of you. :-) Joy

Sammy Judging by her medical condition it sounds like she would have difficulty in answering the door to anybody. I would bet the carers gain access via a key where they have been given permission to use it! Regarding sending more mail, I would personally wait a while to see if there is any response from the letter BIL posted today. If not, I would then concider telephoning the neighbour(s) explaining that bIL is having difficulty making contact and that there is concern about mrs H***** wellbeing. Im not sure if it's a good idea for BIL to say who he is at the moment though, as this may worry them and they could consequently become concerned and not want to get involved. I suppose he could always say he was a distant relative/friend enquiring about mrs H***** health, then play it by ear, so to speak! If BIL is not successful via telephone he could always ask one of the neighbour's if they would deliver a letter when carers are not there, having said that, it's back to whether she will/can answer the door or if its a case of the 'carers opening her mail', she may not recieve it anyway! Another thought: BIL could also approach the carers directly and explain his concerns about her health, you never know, he may recieve some sympathy and with that some info too! It is a difficult situation Sammy, I don't think there is a 'sure' way to sort this out! Lib

So near but yet so far......Im so sorry your BIL didnt get the result he wanted, lets hope that she picks up the letter before her carers do. Im sure one more visit from BIL during the week will eventually be considered, lets hope so, and hope he gets the result he so wants Rosi

How sad for your BIL. So near yet so far!!! I hope something comes of the note he posted in the door. Unfortunately if she has become a recluse she may not be 'seeing' things the way we do and may be confused. Please keep us posted on any developments. I hope he gets some good news. Linda x

Hi Smiley Sammy Perhaps he could write to the neigbours and ask them if they would hand a letter to her personnally when the carers are not there? Or as you said telephone them first explaining that you spoke briefly to her today then ask if she would consider handing a letter to her. I dont mean to sound rude and I know this isnt the case but, perhaps they just think that because she is very ill and he has suddenly got in touch.......then maybe he is after getting in her good books so to speak. I think you will know what im getting at. I know from what you have said that it is not for that reason, but they dont know that do they?. Take care hun. Another thing to do would be to get there early in the morning and wait till the carers arrive, then go and knock..... Vikki xx

Lady Liberty - the reason for him questioning her receipt of his letters is because the only reply he has received is allegedly from her carer, as mentioned in my first post. It said his letter had set Mrs H*** back, made her ill, so there was always a possibilty that the carer didn't pass on anymore mail from Gloucester. Now, hopefully, this is one message she definitely will get, as for him not knowing who it was, that's the case when anyone knocks at your door isn't it? You don't know who it is til you answer, so he couldn't win there. There was no window by the front door, just on the side of the bungalow, so she couldn't see who was approaching. Sunday was a good day, re: no carers if indeed there are any, but if he tries again I suggested going on a week day. It doesn't sound like there is any point in going and sitting outside her house, if she has carers then they will do her shopping etc.. Recluse make me think eccentric too, as in ''not the full ticket'' I'm not being wicked, but it has occured to me before, although the lady BIL spoke to today gave no indication of this Strangely it hasn't put him off, bless him, he's more determined to at least get as much information about her, if he cannot get to meet her himself. Would you write to neighbours or telephone them? Sam

Oh Sammy, I just don't know what to say. Still thinking of you all Vivienne

Sorry to hear that it didn't go as hoped. Do you know how often the carers are with her? If she has a badly injured leg, maybe she couldn't get to the door, perhaps she rarely gets visitors..... sorry if this is sounding naive. Please keep us all updated. My thoughts are with your BIL. Chloe x

Well, she didnt know it was him at the door, did she. It could have been a salesman or Jehovah's Witness and if she has trouble walking, then I suppose she wouldnt have bothered to open it. Poor boy, I do feel for him.

Oh Smiley, I am so sorry. I'm still sending prayers that her heart will soften towards your BIL.