Genealogy Chat

Thinking of you Susan, and hope you are Ok Laurie

Hi Susan, I have been following your story but not added like many others as I haven't been in a situation like yours. The only advice would have been that you should tell your parents before meeting your bm which you have done. My children range from 29 down to 13 and I would always rather know what's going on in their lives than be kept in the dark. Anyway, I am adding this so I can keep track of your news as I had lost the thread. I hope all went well with your meeting. Best wishes Rose

It was AMAZING! I got to meet my brother, my aunt and two of my cousins, as well as my BM. We all got on brilliantly, and I found out some very interesting details about my birth father! I'm still on a bit of a high, so I'll write a proper update this week. Thanks for thinking of me! S xx

40 thousand feet and flying probably! Good for you, glad it all went well. If and when you tell you mum and dad about it, Take care with the 'terminology' you use - Did you have siblings in your adoptive family - dont tell the you 'met your brother' I suggest you say you met 'another child of hers, a son'. If you were brought up with a brother, dont make it look as though you are shoving him sideways! They may have wanted to have given you a brother if you didnt have one. jess x

I am really pleased for you.

susan so pleased for you im sure you are on cloud 9 god bless you and your new family

hi susan been thinking about you glad every thing went ok will look forward to reading your thread this week lots of hugs angie xxxx

Hi Susan, So pleased the meeting went well. Look forward to the long version. Best wishes Rose

Susan Im really pleased everything went well for you, looking forward to your up-date! Lib xx

Hi Susan Have been following the story and I just wanted you to know how happy I am at the outcome. Hope your relationship with your new family goes from strength to strength. Lots of Love, luck and happiness to you all for the future. Dianne xx

I'm really pleased you met your birth mother (I have been waiting for you to post your big day as I'm going away on holiday this week) It must have been 'full on' day yesterday for you. However, I feel perhaps it would have been better for you and your birth mother to have met on your own... without the added pressure on you both with the whole family there. I hope you don't mind my saying that... these are just my thoughts. I look forward to reading your next post of how the day went. I sincerely hope you have a happy reunion with your natural family. From reading all your posts you seem like a lovely young woman who is loving, caring and sensative to your adoptive parents feelings... If you were mine I'd be very proud of you. Gerry

I am so happy for you....it has been a wonderful journey to follow, especially as you have given so much of yourself...you deserve much in return... Much love, Sal

Thank you all for your words of support. I'm still on a high after the weekend! It really was an amazing couple of days. I met my BM in the centre of London on Saturday at around midday. Neither of us cried - we just kind of stood holding each other's arms and looking at each other. Then we went to a pub and spent about four hours talking! She told me the whole story of why she gave me up. Basically she was very young, in a city she didn't know, with an unreliable husband... so adoption seemed like a good solution. All the time she was talking I kept looking at her and how similar we look! I have the same face shape as her, but my eyes, nose and mouth are just like my birth father's. Then, at about 4 o'clock, we went to meet her son (my half-brother) who had come into London on the train. We had some food at another pub and had a chat. I kept having to remind myself that I was sitting there with my mother and brother! It was quite strange. Then my BM and I took the train down to south London to visit my birth father's sister. She made me feel so welcome, and we spent the evening looking at old photos and talking. She doesn't see my birth father anymore after a family rift, and no-one knows where he is. Then we went down to the pub, and my BM and I stayed at my aunt's house for the night. Sunday was spent chatting, watching old films of the family, drinking cups of tea and taking photos. It was brilliant! I met two of my cousins, and am hoping to meet more of them soon. My BM and I got the train back into central London on Sunday evening and she left to go back up North. We're going to stay in touch, and I'm hopefully going up to visit her and her other boys. And now I have to decide what to do about Mum & Dad. I think I'm going to tell them what has heppened. I'll say that I didn't want to worry them by telling them sooner, but I have met my BM and had all my questions answered. Once they see that I am happy, and not about to desert them! things should be ok. S xxx

Wow your head must have been buzzing after all that! I'm so thrilled for you --and envious! Maybe one day it'll be me. As for telling your parents I hope it goes ok but be prepared for the worst .They may not feel happy for you straight away.I think fear of the unknown is the common factor on all three sides of the adoption triangle and because we're the ones stuck in the middle of it all, we have to try to consider everyone's feelings. Don't forget to print off this thread and pack it away in your memory box--you do have one by now don't you? I do and it's what i go back to whenever i'm feeling down or need reassurance.

hello susan i had goose bumps reading about your reunion with your mum and other family members.its good you had time alone with your b/m before you met other family members its a strange feeling isnt it susan when you finally get to meet blood relatives.i meet my brothers 3yrs ago and im so like my older brother in looks but he does have a different view on life like my other 2 brothers,i put it down to there up bringing im so happy for you susan im in the middle of arranging to see 3 of my birth aunties we email each other all the time and have spoke on the phone.its going to be lovely to meet them lots of hugs angie xxxxxxxxxxxx

Now that I've met my BM and my aunt, I've been thinking of trying to find my birth father. By all accounts, he is something of a shady character, and I have been advised to tread cautiously. I found a couple of addresses that could be his, so I might write a simple letter asking if my name is familiar to him etc. I have the address of his second wife with whom he split up acrimoniously after having two children. I think I might write to her just to introduce myself and ask if she'd like to exchange some photos. I don't know what response I'd get, as she has always disliked my BM, and she'd probably just see me as a hassle! But I think it's worth a try, to maybe get in touch with my half brother and half sister. Does anyone know how I could get more definite details about my birth father if the addresses I have don't match? I know that he's used alot of names and aliases over the years, which complicates things... S xx

Susan, Bpy have you had a journey these past weeks . . if your aunt is in touch with BF's second wife - why don't you ask her to sound her out about photos and maybe meeting your half sister and brother. You have been through heaps - and still have heaps to deal with letting mum and dad know what you have been up to! Take it slow and protect yourself where you can. Good luck you brave girl! Laurie

Hi Susan, If you know the area he is living there are people on this site who can look up electoral rolls. I haven't done this myself but I would imagine they could tell you who else is living with him at the very least. Just an idea Rose

Hi Susan, Glad to hear that things went so well with your birth family, guess you have a lot of time to make up now :O) I can take a look at my elecotral rol disk for you, if you have his name (preferably include a middle intial or rouogh idea of area) although I can do a search for England Wales Scotland and N Ireland. It is possible to do a house search if he showing as well, this shoud list anyone over 18 who is at that address as well, e.g. if he is lving with someone with a different name. If you would like me to do this just e-mail me the details direct. Once again I wish you and your new found family the Best of Luck for the Future. Regards Sheila

Nudge for those who haven't already, to read this wonderful story.....