Genealogy Chat

Hi Susan again!!! Its not so much a problem as -emotions,,,,I think you have made the right choice in not inviting your b/m to Mums birthday!!!;-)). Why dont you say your b/m has made steps to trace you,which isnt so much from the truth is it,,,and how would her and your dad feel if you was to take it further,, Kay.

I hope you're good at hiding your emotions because I'm sure your Mum will know something is troubling you (probably on Saturday) and be concerned for you. You have to be ready in yourself to make contact with your bm or it may not turn out as you hope. After searching for my bm for many many years I was told some information which made me question whether I really did want to meet her after all. I did perservere because of the others and when we did meet it was totally unexpected - she was at the first address of many on my lists I'd promised to check out for one of the others. It was a real shock for both of us as neither was prepared for it. We get on ok but will never be close.

I think Mum (adoptive) can sense that something is wrong! I don't live with her any more, but we speak on the phone every day, and she seems to know that something's up. Part of me wonders if she knows what I've been doing - if some mail has been sent to her from the register, or from the social services - maybe she asked to be informed if I started searching for my BM. I'm not sure if this can happen - whether adoptive parents can be told if their adopted kids are searching for their birth parents. I hope not. I want to tell her in my own time. S xx

I wrote the letter to my BM last night, and posted it this morning. It went first class, so it should get there tomorrow or Friday. I'll be nervous every time I check the mail now! Going up North for the weekend. Still not sure whether to talk to Mum. I'll see how I feel about it when I see her. S xx

best way, go with your feelings. hope you feel relived that the letter has finally gone. hope all goes well with Mum jess x

All the best Susan, thinking of you Helen x

thinking of you susan big hug and enjoy your time with your adopted family love angie xx

Hi Susan Any woman who adopts another womans baby has a very big heart and a lot of love to give. It may hurt for a little while, as we all want to feel as though we are the only one in someones affections but she will understand and be there for you. As long as she knows that you consider her to be 'your mum' first and foremost everything will be ok. Thinking of you. Lil

I just had to let you know - I got a letter from my BM this evening! I only sent it on Wednesday, so she replied really quickly! It was such a lovely letter (on cat notepaper - which is weird because I love cats!). She told me I have four little half-brothers on her side, and two sisters and a brother on my birth father's side. She said she had never forgotten me, never wanted to give me away, and is so happy I've got in touch. She said she didn't want to pressure me to write back or call her, but she'd love to meet up one day to explain to me why she couldn't keep me. She says it was a complicated situation, and she still keeps in touch with my birth father from time to time. It's all so much to take in! I can't believe that I've finally seen her handwriting, and touched something that she's touched - that might sound strange! After all this time, it's nice to feel close to her. I'm off up North in a couple of hours to spend the weekend with Mum and Dad. It's going to take a while for me to get used to having brothers and sisters, after 24 years of being an only child. Thanks for listening, and hope you are all progressing on your journeys. Susan xx

WOW! bet your are completely overwhelmed. you take your time, its your journey. Ponder and think a while. I remember thinking -she held this - when i got my first letter too, went and later found where she lived at the time and stood on the door step, Walked back to the town centre and thought ''I bet she walked this way''. Eventually found where Birth father had lodged and remember looking up at the top window and thinking ''was i concieved there?''! - all daft thoughts but very much part of the process. Jess x

GOSH! you are excited, you've manged to post that 3 times!!! , calm down woman!!

Susan, I haven't posted up until now, mainly because I haven't been in your situation and wouldn't know what to suggest. But, I've been keeping track of how things are going and just had to post now ;) How wonderful for you to hear from her. You must be thrilled :)

Hi Susan, I'm SO THRILLED for you! I'm sure none of it has sunk in yet. I wish you all the best on your new journey x

Hi Susan Just want to say Im really pleased to hear your news. Give your self time to process what's happening and as many have already said, enjoy your new journey! Lib xx

I know what you mean about seeing your bms writing for the first time. When I got my adoption file there were letters from both my bm and bf - I now have letters to me from my bm but unfortunately my bf died before we made contact. It does bring a lump into the throat though. Good Luck tomorrow with your Mum - the hardest part will be not blurting anything out on her birthday but I wouldn't be surprised if you Mum doesn't ask you and it will probably be neigh on impossible not to say anything. Be strong if you can.

thats just wonderfull susan im so happy for you,just take it at a spead you wont to go and all will be fine lots of hugs angie xxxx

So happy for you! Hope the weekend with mum goes just as well! A whole new family of siblings to ! Enjoy it all, Louise

Hi susan, i was going to bed an hour ago until i saw this thread and sat reading it,I am a foster carer and i believe that all information good and bad should be passed on for the child when they get older,When you think of adoption in the past it all seems so romantic, falling in love with an american GI etc but through my experience this generation of children will be lucky if they have a parent to search for,all of the BMs i have met have been so cold and uncaring and selfish in their persuit of things to help themselves(drugs/drink)in contrast to the adoptive parents who have so much love to give and nobody to give it to.My mother was adopted and her BM used to call now and again through my childhood but my mother had no time for her, to the extent of having us kids call her Auntie Lily, she loved the bones of her adoptive mother, i hope everything goes well for you i really do, but please tell your MUM and DAD what you are doing, remember if you fall they will be the first ones to catch you, they are your safety net and have been for most of your life,I also apoligise for waffling on it must be because its late GOOD LUCK in your quest and I hope everything turns out well MOE!

Apologies for posting my last message 3 times! The computer was playing up, and I kept pressing 'add message'! I've deleted the extra ones now. The weekend with Mum and Dad was lovely. They are such caring, loving people and they will always be my parents. Mum was so happy to see me, I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my letter from my BM. I still feel that it is a separate issue and a journey that I want to take on my own at the moment. Mum is so protective and loving - she'd want to be a part of it, and I don't think I could deal with that at the moment. In her eyes, she and Dad are my family. Telling her about my half-brothers and -sisters would seem so strange. It's like I am one of those circle diagrams: most of my circle is linked with Mum and Dad's circles, but a part of me links to my birth mother's circle too. I'm going to write to my BM again today, telling her more about me and my life. She said she eventually wants to meet up with me, and I'd like the same - but not in the immediate future. Definitely a good few more letters and maybe phonecalls before that! I'm thinking of sending her a couple of photos of me. Is this a good idea, do you think? Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement. I'm so glad I found this website! S xx

I'm so pleased with your news and excited for you.Yes photos are great--that's what I started with. I sent one from each decade of my life.I told her where i'd lived and about my schools and jobs and hobbies. We must remember that it's like writing to a complete stranger. What would you tell a normal penfriend? I too was faced with 6 siblings having been an only child all my life and i was 53 before i finally met one of them.You're at the beginning of a potentially wonderful journey--enjoy it.