Genealogy Chat

Hi Fiona, Do you think that your grandmother didn't know that her daughter had been told she was dead? She might have tried to contact her and been blocked, or just wondered why her daughter had never tried to find her once she grew up. Janice

Ann, Thank you, I will be telling my mum, I think she's been lied to enough by her father and his family. I don't think she needs her daughter lying and keeping things from her as well, it's just finding the best time and way to do it. Gwyneth, Yes, they did marry, I found the index for that. I know they didn't stay together as I was told that the father was married to a different woman when he went home for a family funeral. Merry, Thank you for your suggestions, I did think of taking it in stages and have called my mum to tell her I can not find a death index. Worried me a bit when she went quiet, but she was just thinking. She said a few choice words about her father and asked where I go from here. Then she told me that must of been why she never saw a picture of her mum and the family would not talk about her, she thought it was because her dad was upset at the death.........I think not!!! She did cry a bit................I hate having to do this over the phone but being 3,000 miles away it's not that easy to get home and I was only there 2 months ago so I won't be going just yet. I have hopefully found someone on this site from the same area as the brothers birth, just waiting a reply as to a possible family link. You just got to hate the waiting!!! Fiona. x

This is really tricky isn't it? Maybe the saving grace is that you say your mother wanted to know how her mother died..... Could you start by telling her you cannot trace a death registration (suggesting you don't know any more at this point) and see how she reacts to that - it's not as if you have gone behind her back to begin your search, because she wanted to know the first bit, at least....... Then don't do any more searching until your mum has 'caught up' with where you have got to. Pretend you are doing this together one step at a time - then you wont be presenting her with anything new directly....... I'm not making much sense, but I expect you know what I mean? Only trouble is, you have searched for additional childrens births and found evidence, but your mum might not suggest that is the next step, after you tell her there is no death cert - so you would still have to get her to think of the idea herself. It probably won't hurt for you to always be one step ahead, but let her think she is leading the way. However, you know your mum better than all of us! Very best of luck with this.... I shall keep up with this thread and keeping my fingers firmly crossed for all of you. Best Wishes Merry

Do you think your grandmother married her son's father? Can you find a later re marriage? She may still be alive,but under what name? Library or archive GRO index would be your best bet. ..Tedious but it can pay off, as I have done a blanket search like this. I would want to get all the background clear before approaching the possible brother and/or his son. This will possibly be a big shock to them too, so their feelings must be considered.

oh Fiona.... what a shock. I hope everything works out okay for you, and if you do tell your mum she is okay with it too. thinking of you.

Alter Ego, Thank you! Will do, lots to think about and work out with this one. Fiona. x

If you need help finding if your grandmother is dead or alive,mail me.

Hi Nell, Thanks!!! Will let you know if I need any help. To think I complained to my dad about our family tree being boring!! Fiona. x

Fiona Wow! You have been so helpful to me I would like to help you too, but what a tricky situation. Please let us know how you get on and if I can help, I will. nell

Thanks Janice, Not sure about the sleep!! Good night.

Could be, as you say the surname is unusual. Hey if it is father and son, you have a new cousin! Got to go now. Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight though I expect this will be buzzing round your head. My local library has BMDs so if you want help trawling the indexes send me an e-mail with what you want done. Take care, Janice

Janice, Both names in same town, I'm thinking maybe father and son.

Thanks Janice, feels good having someone to talk with. I'll have to send them a letter, just hope I get a reply!

Do you know the town? Would it be possible to track them through the electoral rolls?

The relation that gave me the info did say that 20 years later the man went back home for a family death and he was married to a different woman, he didn't know what happened though. Which is why I don't know if she had another hame or not.

A very general letter giving very little away could be sent to both. They will know if you have the right person.

Would have to be careful incase I got the wrong one.......at least there is only two though!

What about one of those ..........I'm doing my family tree and think we might be connected................sort of letters? You might need to spend a day at the library trawling all the indexes to work out what has been happening in the inbetween years.

Oops. You got there first!

What about asking someone who has electoral roll discs to do a lookup for you? Or try b4usearch to see if she is alive today.