Genealogy Chat

Hi Catherine, I am so pleased for both you and your father!!! The fact that he has written back and wants to meet is a very good sign and now hopefully your father will learn more about the father he didn't know, and have answers for a few of the questions I'm sure he has. Best Wishes to you both! Fiona.

Great to hear of the positive response. I do hope that you are able to share more thoughts and memories with your new found contact. Gwyn

Good news then Are you geographically near to each other - my half sibs are all over the country!(and ireland) which doesnt make it easier. hope it goes well, dont expect too much ...let things grow and dont try and push, Jess x

OOh Catherine, I am keeping my fingers firmly crossed that everything works out as you hope!!! Sounds really positive at the mo though, doesn't it??!!!!! Brilliant! Good Luck - I hope your dad can get to see a photo too. Merry x (and x for dad too!)

Hello. Just wanted to let people know, and particularly those who gave advice that we have had positive contact from my dad's newly found half brother. He has written a very positive and informative letter back and would like to meet. It turns out he has been doing a little family history also, although he had not unearthed my dad. He seems really pleased that we have made contact. It is a great relief as I was so nervous when I posted the letter. I even had butterflies the next morning when I imagined him opening the letter. Anyway, thanks again for the advice from you all. Catherine

Hello and thank you to all those who replied to my request. I thought I'd just let you know that my dad and I have had a good chat and we have decided to write a brief letter to the suspected half brother in question. It is hopefully tactful, to the point and gives him the option of contacting us or not. We are going to post the letter on Friday to hopefully arrive on Saturday, so he has the weekend to digest the information. Since I last wrote, I have found out that my grandfather remarried in 1972, no more than 6 weeks after his divorce to my grandmother was finalised. It looks as though he married the mother of this half brother although I need actual certificates to verify this. They got married in a totally different part of the country to where they were living and the divorce papers show another different address. So we think there is a strong possibility that they married in secret. Perhaps their children and other relatives always believed they were married and as time went by it probably turned into a secret that was difficult to get out of. We think the new wife must have known my grandfather was married previously as I can't see her waiting around for the best part of 40 years without asking a few questions as to why they didn't get married. Whether it has all come out in the wash now we may find out soon. Anyway, I'll let you know what happens, good, bad or indifferent. I think I have rambled on far too much - goodness knows how I have managed to write a concise letter to this gentleman whose world I hope we are not about to disrupt too greatly. C

Hi, I was contacted a couple of years back by my mother's half-brother. I had put a message on 'Trying to find' as I was looking for information about my deceased grandfather: I had an email saying 'I think your grandfather was my father.' Mum had always known she had 2 half-sisters and a half-brother and more or less when they were born; her own parents had split up in 1944. The new relations were kind and helpful and we sent emails and photos and we answered each other's questions; the sticking point was whether or not there had ever been a divorce as my gran had always refused to give her husband a divorce since he had left her and apparently it wasn't until 1971 that you could get divorced without both sides agreeing??? And my grandfather died about 1971. Even Gran's death certificate said 'Widow of...' In the scheme of things of course it doesn't really matter but I'm sure the idea was a shock to people who thought their parents were always married. Whatever the truth is, just go carefully as none of us wants to hurt the feelings of anyone else.

I have several 1/2 siblings, 1 my sister introduced me too, 1 i knew of and wrote to his mother (he is 8) and the other i wrote to his mum cos although in his 20's he lived at home. All have been successful. although yet to meet 8 yr old cos he lives abroad. Fi

hi I found my mums brother. They were brought up as cousins but my mum always suspected something a bit strange. After 52 gap of not seeing each other I found him and wrote to him. (with her knowledge). He is 73 and when he read my letter he found out for the first time who he really is. He was brought up by aunty and uncle (childless) he had a different surname and knew his dad. They would never tell him who his mum was - my gran. He had no silblings but now has 6 and loads of neices and nephews. We met him and he was really nice. So, go for it. Claire

Gwyneth Thanks for that tip. I'll have a look into that. I've got an assortment of library books on family history so I'm sure one of them will tell me how to go about this. C

Catherine I believe your father may have a right to apply for his father's Service record. That may contain a photo of him and added information too. I know someone who had success for their photo search, like that.

Hi Fiona You've hit the nail on the head. If my father could get a photo it would mean the world to him. He has got a small photo he always thought was his dad but he is not certain. And as you say, perhaps after any initial shock his half brother may understand the reason for contacting him even if we don't establish a relationship. Good luck with your own research. Perhaps we could let each other know the outcome. Catherine

The only advice i can give,and this is from personal experience is .... a) be prepared for rejection b) be aware that people can change their mind or go cold on you,after an initial warm welcome.

Hi Catherine, I'm in the same situation myself at the moment, my mother was told from the age of 3 that her mother had died, she's now 66. While tracing her mother side back she asked if I could find out how her mother died, well I found out she didn't die!! I found a possible birth for a child she may have had later, thankfully it's not a very common name at all, I got the half brothers birth certificate and it said her first married name on it so the brother must know his mum was married before even if he doesn't know about my mum. I've now sent off for the divorce records to see why they divorced so I can be more prepared. It is hard, I don't want to upset the other family but it hasn't been easy for my mum either finding out her father lied to her and not ever knowing her mother, even if they don't want to know it is my hope that they may understand a little about how my mum feels and if nothing else she would dearly love a picture of her mother as she has never seen one and would at least like to know what she looks like. Good luck!! I'll be thinking of you and your father. Regards Fiona.

Gail Only you know what is right for your circumstances. It can work out well though. Have you seen Sandra's message on the Success board?

Hi Merry That's a good idea to see if there was a second marriage and what he declared his marital status as. He did divorce from my grandmother but not until 1971. They separated in 1941! We thought he may have wanted to get remarried at that point although he would have been about 63. However, it wouldn't surprise me if he maybe married without getting a divorce as you say and then officialised things years later. I have found out where dad's half brother works via google and his career profile is on his company's website. Based on that he is aged about 56-65. My dad is almost 69 so there is not a huge age gap and I even wondered if infidelity was the cause of the break up. So many questions and ifs and maybes!!!! C

Hello
I'm updating this message as have now found my half sister

it was through this site! wow. Although she is in Canada we have now met as took a trip across there last year.

We got on pretty well I think to say we are strangers after all.

Gail


I have a half sister whom I would dearly love to contact but haven't as yet.
I did have a look for her birth certificate in the st. catherines index to no avail as a first step.
That was some time ago and haven't done anything since.

Hi Catherine, Do you know whether your dad's father did things ''officially'' - ie was he divorced from your dad's mum and then went on to marry the mother of the later children?? If he did marry officially, the second time round (with or without getting a divorce lol), it might be worth getting the marriage cert (if it's possible for you to trace it). Then you would know whether at that stage he was admitting to a previous marriage. If he wasn't , and said he was a bachelor, then the existence of another family is definitely going to be a shock, but if he was known to be a divorcee then MAYBE they might not be so shocked, even if they didn't know any details about the earlier marriage???? Good luck with your letter........ Merry

Catherine I can understand the loyalty aspect. Whatever happened in the past cannot be changed so we can only guess at the circumstances. I do hope that you have a successful result, when you try contacting the half sibling. If it's not too private, we'd love to hear about it. Gwyn

Gwyneth - my dad's mother died in 1992. I think that loyalty to his mother always stopped my dad from trying to find his father and it was always at the back of his mind that his father had not tried to maintain contact. My grandmother apparently never said a bad word about her husband to my dad and we do not really know why the marriage broke down. I have spoken to my dad this morning to tell him the news. He definitely wants to make contact and we are going to put our heads together to come up with a sensitive letter. Cheerio C