Genealogy Chat

Sorry whole plan is off as far as i am concerned, I am going NOWHERE , repeat NOWHERE behind Merry , sitting on a comode or not, having consumed spouts anytime between now and the day we set off. I'm heavy enough to pull as it is, without having to carry Breathing apparatus with me. Jess x

Tina Are you suggesting that my sprouts are fit only for rocket fuel? No, I don't have kennelling for huskies, unfortunately, however they are very sturdy animals I understand, and will not mind sleeping outrside at all, I am sure. For safety's sake, I will chain them to next door's fence. Do they eat kumquats, do you know? Merry - not to worry about snowsocks for the Huskies, I have 37 odd socks here at your disposal, I have posted them Express. (I think Jess may have the odd one or two as well - perhaps she could bring them along for the return jhourney?) Oh, perhaps you would like to read and sign the enclosed House Rules? Just a minor formality, you understand. 1. No men (I concede that they do have some limited use, however in my experience this usefulness never coincides with Yuletide) 2.No children under 30 3.. No dysfunctional relatives, either your own, or someone else's. 4. Anyone rubbing their hands together and saying 'well!Well! This is nice!' will be taken out to the front lawn and beaten to death with a washing up brush. 5.Remove your OWN hairs from the soap. 6.Those unable to use the outdoor commode facilities, please FLUSH THE B- TOILET, utilising the brush if necessary. 7.Paper crockery and cutlery to be thrown on the fire immediately after use. 8.Please do not throw empty bottles or other containers at my neighbours, sling them discreetly over the fence when they are not looking. 9. Eat what you are given, without moaning. I will no doubt think of a few more. Olde Crone

As I don't think the Royal Mail deals in parcels of warm sprout soup, I am making my own version with a bag of frozen sprouts and a Vindaloo from the local curry house. Thought I would mix them together and then leave them in the warm kitchen for the 10 days or so......that should get the mixture fermenting nicely, all ready to be consumed on C-day Eve......... Might have a few fizzy lagers to wash it down too. Merry

Anyone fancy goose for lunch on C........ day? I saw some flying south this morning, and I have found an old butterfly net in the garage. I'll try and bag one on my way down. Tina

A few random thoughts that occured to me while I was at work: Merry - I am worried about your huskies. It will be fine if it snows, but suppose it doesn't? (Global worming and all that! - those worms get everywhere). Pounding down the tarmac of the M6, M5 or whatever is going to do their poor little pawpads no good at all. I think you should knit them all little woolly bootees, just in case. Olde Crone - in order to speed Merry and Jess on their way, and ease the lot of the poor huskies (you do have kennelling for them at your place I take it) - it occurs to me that if you sent Merry some of the sprouts through the post it might help. Picture it, Merry, on skis with Jess in the roofrack side car, towed by huskies. Merry in typical downhill skier stance. Now, if she had a generous helping of sprouts before they set off, it could act as a sort of turbo-rocket, if you follow my gist. I had wondered if the same scheme might help my balloon powered box, but the only way I could get the turbo-thrust in the right direction would be to perch on the edge of the box, legs dangling down inside, leaning slightly forwards - I think it might just tip up and send me earthwards rather sooner than intended. Shall have to rethink that one. Oh, also Olde Crone, thank you for the steering suggestion, but I fear that much the same tipping effect could result from me and all the provisions in the same corner of the box at once. However, I think I have devised a rudder. Rummaging round in the garage for more comestibles to bring with me, I came upon my old tennis racquet. Now, you have to understand that this has not been used for at least 40 years, and is therefore of the sturdy, well-made, wooden type. None of this ultra-thin metal stuff weighing less than an emaciated feather. No, this is the type that build up the biceps - well, it's stood me in good stead all these years. I realise that a rudder with holes in is no ruddy good, so as we speak I am covering the strings with layer upon layer of papier mache. I shall then insert the handle into the box through a strategically placed low cut hole, and voila - no longer rudderless. Anyone got a map? Tina

I've been shopping .............................. and overcome with guilt for not contributing anything towards the do, I found a slightly aged jar of gherkins - I'm not sure if they've gone off or they're meant to look like that ..................... Half a bottle of £1.2s 6d cherry brandy (the price ticket is still on it!) Turkish Delight - the proper stuff that tastes of perfume with the consistency of rubber in that round wooden box with the squiggly writing on (it'll go down well with bubble bath liquers!) And best of all ........ some cooked turkey, still lurking in the back of the freezer from last year! Do I have to get you all presents .......? Bev x

I don't think you need anything distinctive............. That sounds like sufficient wine. I have some of those liqueur chocolates that have gone all grainy inside and taste more like granny's bubble bath/bath cubes. I shall bring a packing case full. Merry

I've been practicing reversing and 3 point turns on the hospital bed. Luckily, the left over parsnip soup is as good as superglue and all the wheels are back on the wagon. Bev&kev Bev, where are you? I have my late, sainted pa's legendary sense of direction (brain like a compass, he would say as we sailed through Epsom for the third time) so I'm taking no chances. I shall head for the coast and follow the sun. As the party seems a little light on alchohol, I shall be bringing some precious bottles, coated with dust and cobwebs. What do you say, will twenty litres of elderberry wine be enough? I won't be singing carols on the way, you will be relieved to hear. Every county we shall pass through contains the bones of one ancestor or another, so I shall beguile the journey by reciting the pedigree of each one at extreme length. Now I wonder if the Crone lives near the cliff where one rellie died: tugged over the edge by a brace of greyhounds? Shall I wear something distinctive, so you recognise me?

What is the theme at Crones then? Old and dusty isn't it? so here it is, Cronies christmas Everybodys having fun Look to the future no Lets get the the brussels duuuuuuuuuuun * This thread must be on borrowed time, surely?

As people may not be able to hear Jess' lyrics whilst she's in the towing roof box (behind my commode on skis), I thought I should add some of my own: While Olde Crone watched her sprouts by night All seated round the TV The lid of the commode fell down And we all had a pee 'Fear not,' said she, for mighty dread had seized our troubled minds 'The sprouts are done and here's your straw' Oh isn't she most kind! Merry

You're into vibrators then Bev .........................? Bev x PS Morning, I've just got up and am off for a day's shopping.

Morning all, I had a good night's sleep, followed by a 'shop till you drop' morning. I was disappointed to find my shopping centre had opted for silver grey and lavender as their C- colour scheme. What happened to good old red and green? Don't tell me THAT has become politically incorrect too!! Now that we have Bev's mum sorted, I can concentrate on MY pressie list. (PS -can I put my hand up for the cherry stoner -I need it to do our olives) I ,too, have foot toiletries to offer,mint scented, with a lot of pumice stone for those with serious problems - BUT...... ..........wait for it........ if any one is interested in a Vibrating.............. Massage Pillow (2XAA batteries required, not included in the offer) AND a Vibrating Foot Warmer (batteries ditto), I have one of each . Not quite as exciting, but there is a shelf full of inpirational literature, in mint condition, that my daughter-in-law gives me every year. Then, to add tone to the evening's entertainment, I have 'Elaine and Derek, favourite hymns for children', 'C- is ...Johnny Farnham' and a Readers Digest 'Popular Music That Will Live Forever' in a set of 10 -all good old traditional LPs. Thanks for the landing directions -will look out for the twinkling lights. (Taking inspiration from more talented songstresses as I dip into the c- Spirit, tra-la) Six white bloomers, snow white bloomers, Winging off to Cornwall in search of funnnnnnnnnnn Six white bloomers, wet white bloomers, From Bev's Australian runnnnnnnnnnnnnn Beverley from Perth, (the wrong one)

I absolutely agree...THREAD OF THE YEAR!!! I haven't laughed so hard since F.C. got stuck in the chimney. Jess your lyrics are priceless!! Wish I could come to your party O.C.,but I don't think my broom would make it that far. Can you mail me some of that sprout soup you are cooking? In return I can send some slightly used crackers. The snaps don't work 'cos they got a bit damp in the shed, and the kids took the prizes out, but the paper hats and jokes should still be good. I will face NW and raise a glass of Baileys to you all on C Day. Merry One to all. Maggie

Oh Crone , how i wish i was........ On the first day of christmas , Merry sent to me. A box of naff toiletries on the second day of christmas Merry sent to me 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries On the third day of christmas Merry sent to me 3 Tena lady 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries On the fourth day of christmas Merry sent to me 4 Cracked old Po's 3 Tena lady 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries On the 5th day of christmas Mery sent to me Luuuuuuuuuuuuuunch at Crones 4 Cracked old Po's 3 Tena lady 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries ...........to be continued

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DELETE THIS THIS THREAD:: UP FOR THREAD OF THE YEAR AWARD::;;; your all nutters but bloody (opps) will I get away with that) BRILLIANT;; need Tenna lady reading this;;; Babs stop making me cough !!!

Jess - PMSL! (Pass me that Tena, will you?) JESS - you are piffed - go to bed, right now, this minute! Olde Crone

We three twits from GR we are Bearing gift we'll travel from far Fields and fountain, Moor and mountain following Merrys car Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Star of wonder star of light Crone, she cooks the sprout tonight. Ski's are ready , roof box steady Guide us in -its late at night Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Gifts we'll bring to hand to our host, PO's and bog Roll , 'Pop' for the toast, Age-old Kumquats Rife with what- nots, Following Crones bright star OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Star of wonder star of light Crone, she cooks the sprout tonight. Ski's are ready , roof box steady Guide us in -its late at night OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Merry - yes - if I can find where I left them.... Olde Crone

Good job. You will have taken your dentures out for the nuts, remember? Merry

(I think Jess has been tasting her home-made Baileys already) Now. This bl***** rudder. I have racked my brains but can only think of one thing to aid in the steering - when you want to go left a bit, then shift yourself and luggage to the front left hand corner of the box, and the same in reverse if you want to go right. You may need to practice a bit. (Are you sure the box hasnt gone a bit soggy? I too have a similar box in the garage for many years, 'Just In Case' , but on closer inspection, it has gone all sort of soft and I may have to consider chucking it - shame, I just know it would have come in handy for something, at some time.) As your steering is going to be a bit primitive, shall I arrange to cut all the phone lines and power cables down prior to your ETA? Don't want you getting tangled up in any overhead wires, especially as you will probably be wearing a damp Tena Lady by then - rubber pants, perhaps, as a Health and Safety Precaution (High Level Electrocution Hazard: Incontinent Traveller: Risk Level Three.) Oh, we have a local Bye-Law here - please do NOT jettison used Tena Lady from your barrage balloon, it attracts a hefty fine. Please use the specially-marked bins provided for that purpose. Just prodded the sprouts - they are doing just fine, we should be able to suck them through a straw by C-day. From the saucepan. Olde Crone