Genealogy Chat

Keith, Thank you SOOOO much for the hamper.........are you absolutely sure you are not related to Olde Crone????? If anyone misbehaves at the party we can ask them to sit on one of the crackers before it's pulled..........a sort of ''homing device''......... Merry

Even though Mistress Crone’s House Rules exclude me from attending what looks like being an ever to be missed wondrously seasonal gathering of …….. erm ………… mature Ladies with much to discuss, I would dearly like to donate something suitable to the celebration. I have therefore put together a festive hamper of a few bits that , with great difficulty, I can manage without this C-day and I would be honoured if you would accept it in the caring, sharing spirit that it is offered and which always seems to grip me (by the throat) at this time of year. The wicker basket is merely a convenient container and should not be looked at too lovingly. It was last used several years ago to transport a number of hedgehogs from their home by a busy roadway to a place of safety. I am sure that their fleas would have dispersed by now. Inside the basket, amongst many other goodies, you will find a couple of bottles of my favourite Japanese Chardonay. Although it gives no year on the bottles I can tell you that they are both 1995 vintage (well, that is when I bought them). There is also a jar of pitted olives. My mother won them in a raffle and gave them to me. I, rather generously, donated them to the local church C-day bazaar and, would you believe, she won them again. I am not keen on olives so you may have them with my compliments. Take no notice of the pits, they are caused by a small burrowing worm which, just like the tequila worm in some bottles of mescal, indicates a certain .............. naturality. I have also put in a jar of pickled Greek goats cheese. I think the green speckles are a mould rather similar to that found in Stilton. I have tightened up the lid of the jar, so that should stop any further discolouration. I hope you enjoy pulling the C-mas crackers. They were made by my eldest son several years ago in his chemistry class at school. They should make your party go with a bang. And last but not least I have given you a six foot C-mas tree. It is the one I bought last year and planted in the garden after the festivities. It has never really been happy there so I thought I would dig it up and let you give it a good home, at least for the next couple of weeks. I hear that black trees are all the fashion this year, especially if most of the needles are missing. This tempting basket of delights will be delivered by special courier in the next day or two. No need to sign for it, in fact he would prefer not to stop and will just quickly push it out the back of the van into the front garden and be on his way. I hope you all have a wonderful time and I shall be thinking of you on the morning of that joyous day …………………. especially if I see a large flock of screaming seagulls urgently making their way upwind. K

[Jess.....On another note, I have just seen a thread on General called ''threes'' on which Joyce of Rathbone fame explains that she ISN'T Dutch....that's just her hubby. She is from Liverpool!] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry, back to party mood!! Where IS Olde Crone? Am getting worried that she has strapped herself to the undercarriage of a jet, to get out of Cornwall berfore C-mas???? Or perhaps she has just popped out to Poundland to do her weekly shop? Merry

I love chestnuts and have never had them from a brazier.....sounds great. Am probably very good at being on strike at Christmas.....this is my first year to find out! Tena Lady has similar qualities to your grandson's apparel, BFP, but are designed for the more mature lady......who finds some things are less controllable than they used to be - particularly whilst sneezing, laughing and coughing..... Merry

I might accept the offer of your red bin liners, Merry. Doesn't sound as if Bev can make a g-string to fit my Rubenesque proportions, even with the generous donations from other folks strands of tinsel.My multi-coloured crochet Afghan rug is quite warm and should add a certain cachet to the bobble hat. Is there a firm offer on your size 18 underdaks, Reb? Don't really understand this Tena Lady bit, although I have my suspicions. Is it the same sort of thing my 18 month old grandson wears, guaranteed not to chafe and extra absorbent. If so, I don't want 'em. They've got no style! Think I'd better bring my vibrating foot warmer, judging by the comments about the weather, even if no-one wants it as a pressie. I can always cuddle up to Santa with it on the way to Olde Crone's, and have pleasant dreams. BFP

I'm going to make a cosy fully absorbent snuggle-down bag out of mine. I'd say a sleeping bag - but the chance of getting 40 winks with Merry driving are quite remote. Hey, could we have brazier and roast chestnuts?Like wot men do when they are on strike outside the factories - always looks like fun! Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Bobbin nipping on your toes, Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, And folks dressed up like Eskimos. ..in tinsel G strings? Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe, Pickelled kumquats and Old chocolate Help to make the season bright. GR Buddies with their eyes all aglow, Will find it hard to sleep tonight. - They know that Santa's on his way; He's loaded Rebs and goodies on his sleigh. And every mother's child is going to spy, To see if reindeer really know how to fly. And so I'm offering this simple phrase, To twits from one to ninety-two, Although its been said many times, many ways, Crones christmas is what we'll do

You would think that someone (BevScott) who shops at Tooting Market would realise that we will all freeze to death wearing a tinsel G-string, and bobble hat. (with or without the red bin liner, kindly offered by yours truly).....Don't forget, we are sitting in the garden for the barbie. Please can I have my full consignment of Tena Lady sent to me by Express delivery, so that I can stitch them together to make a coat??? Thanks. Merry

so, the dress code is a red tinsel G string (lined with the essential tena lady) and a bobble hat? Mmmm Maybe some harvest festival knickers underneath - for safety! Strange folk down Cornwall way - Talk funny dont thay do we need to know the language? Ok I know Pasty and clotted cream.....any other essential language were going to need? I guess the local constabulary will understand ''Officer, I'm Innocent...' in any language

Thank you for your kind offer, but I think I will probably have had enough vibrating to last the whole of 2006 by the time I get to Crone's on the skiing commode........... Will leave my share to someone who needs it more! Merry

Just checking -was anyone interested in my vibrator gear? (details are currently on page 7).Add your own batteries. BFP

Rebs......Have decided on two roof boxes....stacked. Bobbin in the top comfy one with his favourite treats and a blanket (for when he is too tired to run with the huskies) and the underneath one for Jess! Macbev......Olde Crone won't be sitting down at the party, so you can have her chair.....she'll be dishing up the food and handing round the straws etc. Merry

Merry -I don't HAVE a full-length mirror. I am not, after all, a masochist! Reb, I can probably make use of the size 18 cottontails. They'll go nicely with my DD Minimizer Bras (the ones my jowls won't fit into because of previous occupants). Together with the cherry pipper, they'll make as welcome a C-present as I have had in years. Sorry you won't be sharing the Fat Man's sleigh -I was looking forward to some back-up when it came to insisting on following my navigation. And if Jess and O.C are going to be like that about sharing the comfy chairs, I'll just have to pack my crocheted Afghan rug . However, I must just express how warm it makes me feel to have made SOMEONE's invitation list - I, too, have been invisible for months. BFP

Lol Merry. Exactly how big is this roof-box-on-wheels Jess and Bobbin will be sharing with all the extra paraphernalia?

Bev....if you could make mine out of 1.7 strands please, I'll donate my ''other'' strand to someone who....well.....requires a little more.... Rebs.....BTW, if you ''keep digging'' far enough you could get here via the centre of the earth. Have just ordered an industrial sized pot of anti itch cream. Will pop it in the roof-box-on-wheels, with Jess. Merry

Thanky you Merry. See what I can dig up. Might be a good idea to keep those prunes away from the huskies. Hmmmm...........perhaps from Olde Crone as well. How reliable are those tenas? Bev, I will bring some libra liners so the tinsel doesn't tickle too many fancies.

No probs Merry, in that case I'll MAKE everyone a red tinsel G string, being of a creative nature and Tooting Market now having tinsel reduced for a quick sale (its a bit stringy but thats the whole point of a G string is it not??) If anyone (ahem) feels that their girth may require TWO strands of tinsel, just let me know! (But just remember that I can get no more than 2.7 strands out of 27p .....!) Bev x Someone might need to bring that cream that relieves itching that they advertise in the back of ladies mags ...

Exact numbers, Reb Elf!!: Crone Jess Bobbin Merry several huskies Maid Marion Bev Scott Tina Cheshire Pussy cat Ebeneza Macbev in Perth Ang Oop North/Dn South Fairy Smith Buttercup Fairy (not sure??) Gwyn Ding in Kent and.................Reb Elf I think that's it at the mo...........Please state NOW if I have missed you off.....Crone needs to count her cheese biscuits to see if there's still enough in last year's selection pack. Merry

Yep! We've been seriously misled regarding the reindeers sex for years. Doesn't matter anyway, I've gone off the thought of Santas sleigh. Being unceremoniously booted out at mach 5 with no guarantee of landing in the right spot, not to mention having jowls I could tie above my head (although it would solve the problem of ear muffs) has made a ride in Santas sleigh lose it's appeal. I'm considering a hot air balloon now (Inspiration from Kats C-card) since I think there are enough windbags on this site to fuel it. Maybe a quick whip around the gen board will give me enough fuel to get from Brissy to Cornwall??? Unless someone can come up with a better idea. Now, do we have to bring gifts? Like many before me, I too have a drawer full of goodies and here's my chance to get rid of....erm, to share my bounties. I have some bonds cottontails size 18 (unused and unwanted gift from MIL, I'm a size 10), 4711 ea de toilette (unused and unwanted gift from MIL) A selection of fondant decorated prunes (yet another treasure from MIL) a jar of brandied apricots (courtesy of SIL, came with the selection of school fete jams, and I only tasted one.) and various other goodies. Since I won't have time to shop when I get there I'll need to know exact numbers please. Rebs x

Bev-getting pie-eyed-with- the -pickled -fruit -flies -in- Perth......not sure about the red tinsel G-string (have you tried it on in front of a full length mirror yet?).....maybe I could buy a roll of RED bin liners for you to wear over the top? Bev....only tastless presents to a max value of 27p are allowed! Merry

Jess, .....You were the first to suggest this party and I was the first to agree, so that means we get to sit in Crone's armchairs....the one's with the springs still intact and NOT the sofa, where the springs are poking out. The trap-your-fingers summer seating will do for the Aussie crew (they won't notice the lack of upholstery, as they're used to hot weather in their neck of the woods)....... Rudolf must be a gender-reassignment reindeer. I thought he would have changed his name to something more fetching now he is a girl (with antlers). When I was a child I was emotionally disturbed by a reindeer mum bought me from Woolies that, by the time we got home, had NO antlers. Rudolf must have been a boy in those days?? Merry