Genealogy Chat

This thread has literally left me in tears...of laughter! Not been looking forward to IT at all and this has done wonders to cheer me up! I've got Pringles and unadulterated Baileys...can I come to the party please?

Malcolm - have you been at the old fire water again? I agree totally that Beryl is a star, but she ain't arriving from the east, she's heading down from the north. At least, I hope she is, or I am following the wrong boat. Beryl, BERYL, is that you on the deck, jumping up and down and shouting a lot and pointing at that iceberg? I've been following this boat for ages, I was certain it was the right one. Oh heck, am I headed in the wrong direction? Do you meet icebergs between Liverpool and Cornwall? Anyone got a map and a compass - or better still, sat nav? Help! Tina

glad to se everythigs going to plan this morning though i would make a small suggestion that some form of order should be taken during landings as there seems to be many strange craft approachng from many directions could i suggest some kind of holding pattern over the skies of cornwall ?????????????? just to add a little religeousness to this party (you dont need a lot ) but it may be nice to let beryl land first then you could at least say you followed a star from the east lol

Good grief, Debbie. C-mas in Oz sounds suspiciously like C-mas in GB (apart from the weather) - but your dog hides under the HOUSE? Ah, truly you do live in a different world! Round here you have a choice of 5' of solid concrete foundations, or damp cellars (depending on antiquity of said house). Don't think even Bobbin-the-manic-digger would go for that. Tina

Ooh lovely! Yum...... Well, I'd rather wash here than at Crone's latrine trenches........ Bowls.....never played that. As long as nothing gets washed over the side (of the Hoe Ho Ho) we should be just fine. Now those Tena's have caught, do you mind if I sit up wind of them?? Making my eyes water..................................................... Merry

Ok Im trying the best that i can, everything is a bit damp to light the fire,~ tena make excellent tinder and usually catch like a dream, but i suppose it will take damp one slightly longer, bear with me. We are not exactly in a hurry are we, after all we are nearly there.Are we going to make a game of Bowls on the Hoe (that was the Hoe wasn't it?) If so watch out for brown markers~ poor old Bobbin is getting fed up with doing what~a~dog~must~do on all this scrubby rough grass and bramble stuff you keep dragging us through.She much prefers smooth green maunicured grass . As we are near water, so to speak, perhaps in the name of good manners we ought to have some kind of a wash before we make our final destination.There used to be reasonable public conveniences on the Hoe but I believe the were sold up and converted to a '3 bed, 2 Receptions with a view' by some bloke from the city. Right Porridge is ready, tea 'hot and here' and toast will be nicely browned if it doesnt fall off the stick again.The ash will blow off, stop being so fussy.

Thanks for the train TIP, Olde Crone....GR can't delete us now! Assuming (!!) that you mean 4.10 AM<<< then we will do some sightseeing today at Plymouth Hoe Ho Ho and catch the front end of the early Sat morning train....... St Erth is 22 miles from Probus though??????? Is there a branch line after that (or do you have Beeching rellies?), or do we have to drive the huskies the rest of the way????...........Should be able to see the table tennis bats from there in any case........................... Wake up Jess, it's your turn to cook the porridge................ Merry

Christmas in Australia means......... Everyone rocking up in singlets and shorts...... BBQ fired up to find someones forgot the virgin oil .... Eldest Daughter inspecting the chrissy presents wondering the hell shes got this year .... Youngest Daughter feeding her face..... Son getting stuck into the Bundy Rum.... Eldest Son in Law joing Son.......... Younger Son In Law...telling you in graphic detail all the bad points about food poisoning.... 2 Grandsons (extra one this year) near killing the dog!..... 10 Yr old dog hiding under the house..... Grandson No.1 destroying the puter! .... Grandson No.2 eating the pot plants!..... Air Conditioner working overtime......hope the power dont go out!.... Youngest Daughter taking pics non stop (like a tourist!)..... Eldest Daughter chatting non stop about her Dad who she found after 26 yrs (thanx to GR) Kids wishing their Dad was here...... Memories of my Mum and Dad wishing they were here..... And last but not least......... A Great Family Christmas In Oz...surrounded by LOVE xxx

I know no one missed me, but I'm back any way. Been kept busy, the past two days,trotting backwards and forwards to the post office, picking up parcels the delivery blokes were somehow 'unable to deliver, please bring suitable ID to collect.' Heck, my passport is buried underneath Reb's puce size 18s and now I've had to undo all my packing. Have just realised -coming with the Fat Man means I'll be arriving per chimney. OLDE CRONE -are you awake? Have you GOT a chimney) And will my red tinsel G-string stay clean if I wear it during the descent? I've read some of those novels about poor little chimney sweeps (AND seen the movie) and they all have dirty faces. If you are leaving out sherry and C-cake for Santa, can you double up -after my jowl-raising journey, I'll need a pick-me-up and I don't like to broach the brandied-protein-enhanced-cumquats before the party starts. Olde Crone, if you haven't got a chimney,look for me on the roof. Perhaps you could leave a ladder handy (but I'd appreciate it if people looked aside when I climb down, as I'm not a pretty sight in a G-string, tinsel or not). Chim-chiminee,chim chiminee, chim chimcherah, Look up on your rooftop and that's where I are Beverley-in-Perth-putting -her-passport-safely-into-her-knickers

Captains log. Here I am out in the Irish Sea ...well past the Wirral Peninsula,,,,no sign of Woe or Tina. Hope they catch up soon. We are full steam ahead and it is now 8 bells (hells bells that's late). The second mate is in the crows nest on the lookout for Tina and the third mate is astern on the lookout for a very fast jet ski with Woe hanging on for dear life. I am now about to retire to my bunk and look forward to first watch tomorrow when I hope the other two will be safely aboard. Beryl x

OK, I have been listening to the local Radio Shipping Movements - fascinating stuff. There is a Ministry Ship-thingy anchored in St Ives Bay, ready to catch smugglers and those over their fishing quotas - so ditch any tinned sardines/pilchards etc. If the Ministry Boat fires on you, just duck, they are sweetie-pies really and are only playing. (They have a lovely uniform, by the way, for those of you who are stirred by such things) There is also a Cruise Ship, a flaming great big f*off type one, with loads of filthy rich people on it - might be worth striking it amidships, you never know. I also heard that an unnamed vessel was seen approaching from the East, looked like a Ferry but they couldn't really believe that and it got lost in a miasmic cloud of gas which put the radar out for hours. Meanwhile, I have borrowed a lovely little digger from the building site and dug latrine trenches across my neighbour's lawn - they are away for C- and won't mind a bit. I have rigged up some old candy-striped sheets for a bit of privacy, I wouldn't want you to think that Crone Towers lacks any of the refinements you softies, erm, I mean, southerners, are used to. I also borrowed some table tennis bats from the Scout Hut and have dipped them in luminous paint, so tomorrow after dark, I shall get up on my roof and guide the balloon in safely - I have been to Newquay Airport many times, so I know how to do it, you wave the table tennis bats up and down and from side to side, and then do a final sort of 'CUT!' flourish, to show Pilot he has landed safely. Merry and Jess - find the nearest railway line and position your transport thereon - the 4.10 Paddington to Penzance should push you along nicely. It doesnt go very fast at all and makes frequent stops. You will not have to pay as these trains have no staff on them at all and the Buffet Car leaves the train about 20 miles outside Paddington, so no bother from stewards either. Leave the track at St Erth (aka God's Last Acre). The Station is manned on the first Monday of each month only, so no probs with tickets. I will be waiting to meet you - you will reognise me by the manacles on my wrists and the long-suffering, but kindly person in a Nurse's Uniform. (Yesterday, hit on head with falling C-tree, today hit on head by falling bag of pre-washed, ready to eat salad in Tescos) The Punch is ready - I have skimmed it, for reasons of hygiene, having inadvertently forgotten it was in the bath until I lowered myself into it. I am boiling it up in a bucket, so it should be fine. The sprouts are ready too, I have strained them and put them into a low oven to keep warm. I have already eaten all the chocolate - sorry (she said insincerely).

Reb do I need to bring money ?????will we have to pay any tolls ???cause I'm not likely to attract any donations standing on any street corner not enough to pay toll anyway, and me singing is not a good idea either although as Merry was would probably be paid to shut up. Thinking thinking arghh I know will bring jar of 5cent pieces so that should be ok bit heavy though wishing chair will need turbo boosters to get off the ground, Lara ( fallen fairy)

Reb will be on the highway at midnight waiting to be strung up on the arm of the magic wishing chair now girl this is important I live in Yarrawonga not Yackandanda so if you go to wrong place and there is a person with backside up on the hwy with red glittery g/string on don't pick her up she's an imposter (probably Paul Hogan in drag ) noone could be as gorgeous as moi in this outfit shouldn't be a problem recognising me but just in case I have adorned Billy with reindeer ears and some chrissie type lights so as you can easily spot us .If I bring my ear phones can I play my Chrissie Carols pleeeease. Went to Big W and they were practically throwing things at you so bought some Nobbys Nuts for us to nibble on and also in case we get thirsty I have made some pretendy Baileys to sip on as Tiger who does not partake of the hard stuff won a bottle of whisky at golf and he didn't know what to do with it so I kindly took it of his hands LOL Would we have room for an esky we could strap it underneath with tinsel I'm sure ,need ice for Baileys see you all soon can't wait Lara

I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just went off to earn some money (don't ask)........ Not terribly successful - maybe the authentic C-mas combinations didn't do the trick....anyway, I was nice and warm.....I went singing outside Tesco in Plymouth....they gave me £5 to go away, so that should be enough for the toll (cheap rates for skiing commodes etc)....... Time to have a nap in the stripy sleeping bag....... Is that Jess or Bobbin snoring? Merry

I'm not going anywhere tonight - i'm snuggled up warm, in my box, with Bobbin - Merry cluttered of some time ago to look ups someone and just sort of left me here.Really hot quite sure where she said she was going. Its a bit cold and eerie here on my own, Still i have the huskie on guard (although i am sure i can hear them snoring in their litle zip up kennel thinggy) I hope she isn't too much longer - i did tell her that i want keen on the dark!

Wouldn't want to go through Gunnislake this time of night!!! :-)

dont worry bout the toll merry you can divert through gunnislake and end up tother side of tamar its only bout half hour out of your way malc

Oh Malc....So sorry for your plight! Even though you were a tad sarcastic about me sailing a canal barge on the open sea. All I can say is please don't forget the sun block! Beryl x

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hell cookers bust gotta cook the turkey on the sunbed nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Hi Tina and Woe, Anchor is weighed (don't understand why the captain wanted to weight it ...but it is done). We intend to sail up and down the Mersey for the next hour in the hope that either or both of you decide to turn up. When the tide turns we are away. Woe, if you can't manage to escape in time, I have left a super fast jet ski tied up at the Pier Head ready for you. You will recognize it by all the blue tinsel and blue lights festooning same. Tina I will keep a sharp look out for you and will guide you onto the poop deck. I have been to poundland and bought loads of those light sticks.... so you shouldn't miss. OH by the way have had to stop the continuous rendition of Ferry Cross the Mersey....just didn't seem right for a war ship...now playing continuous rendition of We are Sailing by the gravel voiced Rod. I must say it brought a lump to my throat to see all the crew lined up arms waving in time to the music. Quite emotional. Poppy dog and I are going for a turn around the deck, I might even go to the Bow and do a Kate Winslett impression (you know, the one she did in Titanic) on second thought better not, I can't swim and don't want to take any chances. Hope to see you very soon. Rum rations at the ready. Beryl x