Genealogy Chat

St Ives, eh, Beryl. Went there about a year ago. Nice little place, but unfortunately just that. Small. Will I be able to home in on the right spot at night in a balloon powered box with rather rudimentary steering! And will the gallant (three cheers) lifeboat men mind if I land on top of them? (I didn't know that you could pre-book a rescue - must bear that in mind for next summer hols). Merry, Jess, have you worked out exactly where you are aiming for now that you are so close? Ah, I forgot, you are going to let the train take the strain. Right, another couple of cans of beans I think. My goodness, I am heartily sick of eating these things. Suppurating cumquats with blowfly dressing sounds positively delicious now. What I would give for a very, very large box of liquour chocs. Tina (who is so cold and weary she has fogotten how to spell - No, Beryl, I said SPELL).

Well, here we are at the railway station....have set my alarm for 4.20am :O(( Merry

The Adventures of the Wishing Chair........the nutcases version 'Well I never!!!' said Rebs indignantly. 'We were cruising along quite happily, Lara bopping away to Richard Clayderman Does Chr....well that word. I was belting out Kum By Yah at the top of my lungs when suddenly we nearly had a mid air disaster. This great big fat guy dressed in red whooshed passed us at such a speed (don't you just hate it when they think they rule the sky because they have a sleek nine reindeer power vehicle?) we tippled over and nearly fell off. As it was, Laras tinsel creation was caught on the chair arm so she was left hanging, bottoms up and I was tangled up in my tena lady quilt unable to help. Billy the dog slept through!' Realising the urgency of the situation (how strong is tinsel?) Rebs shouted for the chair to get them to Olde Crones. Which it did...........................but the wrong olde crone. they were delivered right into the wet hands of Dame Wash-a-lot. 'The tena lady quilt is cactus!!!' stated Rebs to Lara. Whatever will happen to the travelling trio next? Stay tuned to this station.

Tina.... so glad to hear from you...Woe/Moe and me are now safely in St. Ives Bay. May I suggest that you eat a couple of dozen extra cans of beans as you will require the extra speed in order to catch up with us. Please...please....please make sure you stay down wind of us and be very careful not to make any sparks! When you see the flares, which I will set off as per your instructions, please make a hasty descent as we will be expecting the gallant, brave and handsome lifeboat men to come and escort us in. This has been pre arranged as I would not wish to waste their valuable time or to put them in any danger for they are all so gallant and brave and give up their time freely. Three Loud Cheers for all the rescue services. Hip Hip Hooray....Hip Hip Hooray....Hip Hip Hooray!!! Looking forward to meeting you later. Beryl x

No reckless leaning then Tina..... Jess, OOOOH A PRESENT JUST FOR MOI????? I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited......... Wonder what it is????? (I'm not asking really, just musing.......) Anyone else have any ideas? Merry

Right chaps, I think I have solved my problem. If I lean very gently to the left, the box turns very slowly that way. If I lean very hard to the left, it tips up and I fall out, so I have decided against that system. By leaning gently left, I am executing a very large circle (round Greenland, if you are interested), and shall soon be headed towards the west coast of Ireland. I shall follow the Irish coast round until I am opposite Pembrokeshire, then I shall dash across the Irish sea until I am over the Welsh coast, then turn right and track on down. I am gaining speed (thank goodness for the beans), and hope to be over the Welsh coast round about 3 am. Beryl and Woe, where are you now, and could you send up a couple of flares around 3 am so that I know how far away from you I am? Tina

No, they are in the black biner tucked up the back , labels 'NAFF PRESENTS (for re-distribution)' Its your very special gift in that carrier, stop trying to find out what it is before the C day! Behave or you'll get nothing!!

The Adventures of the Wishing Chair.......the nutcases version After stashing the necessaries into the slip cover pockets, Rebs set off on the wishing chair in the genral direction of Yarrawonga. 'Hope I don't miss Lara and Billy' thought Rebs, having left the navigation to the chair. NOT A CHANCE!!! A strange moonlike glow caught the attention of the girl perched on the chair. 'Am I flying upside down?' thought the girl before realising the moonish glow was Lara, bending over as instructed, tinsel g-string exposed........and a hell of a lot more besides! 'Oh dear! I did warn her about OC's penchant for spraying cobwebs metallic gold' Rebs giggled to herself. The chair landed in the middle of the highway, and it wasn't long before Billy was safely strapped into the converted child seat, Lara's whatnots were fitted into the storage compartments, and the two young lasses perched themselves rather perilously on the arms of the chair. 'Off we go then' said Rebs clicking her heels three times (well it is Oz) and yelling 'Olde Crones' at the top of her voice, startling a koala out of it's tree in the process. And so they were off on the next stage of the journey......................................and holding on for grim death. ps, got the sh**s with family, so have bought the Baileys trifle with me. And I found a supply of nappy sacks (scented tie top bags for disposing the obvious) Thought they might come in handy for all the used tenas.

Are the seaweed and lav in one of THOSE carriers? Merry

I'n in need of a bit of 5* something , never laid so flippin long in one place! I'm convinced than when we get to Crones i shall have to remain standing as i have ceased to bend in the middle! I have a strange sort of -I-know-what-it-feels-like in-your-coffin- feeling! ~except very Graciously merry does let me out from time to time (unlike rellies in a coffin, of course) No idea what Crone looks like, never met her , just heard of her wonderful talent for hospitality , wit and wisdom.....Oh ......and stained trousers. Given that we will be staying 5* dare we break out a bath cube? I'll have a look and see what ...Ah...Seaweed and lavender flavour, how very fitting.

Captain slog... Well am I glad to see Woe. She has boarded safely and is happily making a mess in the mess. For any landlubbers that means she is eating a wacking plate of scouse washed down with a good Navy ration of rum. Tina.....where are you? I have not seen a single iceberg apart from the one I had with my kipper salad at breakfast.! Have sent out s.o.s. please reply at your earliest convenience. Her is a progress report .....last night from eight bells to first light we have covered a fantastic and almost unbelievable number of nautical miles. Have passed St. Davids Head, Milford Haven. Crossed the Bristol Channel, rounded Lundy and proceeded along the west coast (Malc) passing Bude, Boscastle, Padstow, Newquay and are now coming into St. Ives Bay. Have uncovered the canal barge and afterdark at some ungodly hour we shall launch and head towards Hayle. Once in Carbis Bay we shall send up our distress flares and await rescue by the gallant , brave and handsome lifeboat men. Time then to join Jess and Merry in their five star...have a shower... and look forward to our last short journey to Olde Crones. Hope to see you all there. Beryl x.

Puff! Puff !puff! Beryl stick out that giant net and catch me as i circle around again, i've been following the wrong ship since last night I was following a norwegian container ship not a mersey ferry masquerading as a viking longboat (mind you the captain looked a bit like Kurt douglas)but i prefered tony curtis.right pull me up lads i am now safely??? aboard and will need a rest as those superskis are fast, ship/ferry/longboat looks nice Beryl, any scouse left? i'm off to the mess to make a mess slurping my food ....MOE!

Yes, great aren't they! I think we will get the train to push us to St Erth during tonight -4.30am:O(( Then huskie in the direction of OC's (aided by her semaphor with the luminous pingpong bats)....Hoping we can be there for C-mas Eve night.... If she won't give us a stable to sleep in, then I think we should break into a five star hotel (we can pretend to be part of the C-mas entertainment, as we already have the costumes.....) Then after a five star sleep and a five star breakfast, I think we should be ready to face THE CRONE...... Have you met ''our Marj'' before?? Merry

Blimey - going to be a lot of us, arent there? What time are we proposing to arrive Merry? Just one more night out in the cold in out litte tents and we'll be there. I must say i am impressed with these huskies, they have done a damned fine job in getting us this far!

thing is once youve turned your gonna be fighting against the wind which is pushing you along anyway now without the aid of an engine and propellor your gonna be stuffed fighting the wind so basically its up down NO turn around your committed now tina you must continue icebergs or not thinking bout it chip some ice off youll need it for the baileys c spirit is bringing failing all other means it g string plus beans and WHISTLE DIXIE

Tina, if you can hang on a bit longer, the Fat Man should be passing over the North Pole on his way Down Under to pick me up. If you position your tin trays (as per Malc's suggestion), he can give you a blast from his reindeer exhaust which should turn you about. Just don't inhale at the critical moment, as I believe they have been on a curry diet. OLDE CRONE -about your chimney??????? Beverley-sitting-on-her-chimney-in-Perth.

Revised Attendees! Crone Jess Bobbin Merry several huskies Bev Scott Tina Cheshire Pussy cat Macbev in Perth Ang Oop North/Dn South Fairy Smith Buttercup Fairy (not sure??) Gwyn Ding in Kent Reb Elf Billy the dog Wrinkly Grumpy Old Woman Woe in a Muddle Beryl the Peril Poppy Sue in Midlands Ozi Bird Pamela Ellis Christmas Spirit Welcome C-mas Spirit!! Tina, surely you have some ''Harvest Home knickers'' (all safely gathered in....) in your bag of supplies?? You could rig them up as a sial on one side or the other to aid turning corners??? Merry

well tina i thought twas north easterly direction she was traveling from but someone else put east so i went a;long with it now your probs turning round may i suggest two tea trays held lenghtwise and vertical maybe six inches apart if you turn them like a twin rudder and pass bean wind between them this should facilitate a turn for you failing that if there are two of you you could stand one each side of the basket facing in opposite directions once again aided by the beans (or result of eating em ) you could turn the balloon around not going into toooooooooooooooo much detail here i hope lololololololololol

HEEEEEELLLLLLLLP! I have a serious problem. I have got the hang of going down (burst balloon) and going up (inflate another balloon), and the baked bean consumption controls the speed moderately well, but how the hell do I turn around and head back in the opposite direction. There are more and more icebergs on the horizon, and I always thought it was supposed to be warmer in Cornwall. I can't understand how I came to follow the wrong boat - it's poop deck was clear, and I am sure I saw a line of red tinsel g-strings hanging out to dry. Don't eat all the goodies before I get there. Tina (navigationally challenged)

Of course you can, Spirit, you seem to have the correct mind-set for it! Anyway, I doubt if Olde Crone knows how many people to expect - and cares still less! Better set off now, though, as we all seem to be having navigational problems. Tina