Genealogy Chat

I have to say I used to think that the purpose of being on this site was sharing all we had. Ive had a couple of experience which have made me much more cautious. One chap contacted me over hot matches and there was a definite connection and I was happy to give my info and asked him for the details marriage cert of one of his. He said he was just waiting for it - that was back in November. Meanwhile he goes through my tree and I hear nothing more from him until I find that I have a lot more hotmatches under his name of people who are in NO WAY connected to him but through the other side of my family. I have contacted him and asked him nicely why he has added these people who have no significance to his line at all. Ive not had a reply. In future, I shall give only that line info and only if I feel I am going to get some information in return.

Margaret, You're right, you do need proof. BUT - you need to know what you're looking for. I'm still in the first phase - the names are coming thick and fast, I'm making myself a tree of sorts on here and when I eventually (next week hopefully) get my FTM disc I'll put my 'tested & proven' rellies on that. I wanted this GR one to be the 'real' one but my little note book with 'check this' scribbled everywhere became... well... what did it become? ... Illegible (I guess) with all the family notes mixed up, it addles my brain just to look at it. Now I've got a starting point and I can go through and check all by bmds and order what I need to. Sararh :-)

Quote: So don't get all upset, all you people that have been doing this for yonks and have got back to one of Adam's grandchildren, if a newbie doesn't really know what she's doing when she gives you access to her measly little tree and all the newbies together end up giving you a massive list of 'contacts'... Hi Sarah, It's probably my thread you are referring to here and that's fine. The reason I posted that thread was to vent some frustration AND to try and educate the newbies. However, I have a feeling it isn't just newbies who fall foul of the default tick and forget to close their tree when no connection has been established. As many people have said, why is viewing someone's tree seen as the be all and end all? It isn't. You don't need to see a tree at all. I prefer it when I 'discuss' (by messaging or email) family relationships with my contacts rather than showing them my tree. First, you can really suss them out and can speedily establish if there is a connection or not. I can usually tell from their first sentence if there is a link or not. If there is a connection I usually send a modified report from my Family Tree software which allows me to miss out living people entirely. Have to say that I haven't found many new contacts lately - even with all these so called 'hot matches'! ;-) Cheers, Horatia

Olde Crone, I can see what you mean about your tree costing you time & money and I appreciate that. (I think I'm going down the same path!) I also disagree with tree kid-napping to post elsewhere without explicit permission to do so. I just wanted to explain that we don't all see it the same way, and a newbie's outlook is quite, quite different to someone that has been doing this seriously for some time... Sarah :-)

Sarah I understand what you are saying, but after reading today that someone has had their tree stolen - by a member of this Site, who has absolutely NO connection with her tree - and that tree is now plastered on One World Tree - well, I am NEVER going to give ANYONE permission to see mine, ever again. If I make a contact on here, I do the initial skirmishing by PM. This is usually quite sufficient to prove to ME that they have no connection to my tree whatsoever and there is no need therefore to let them see it. I recently had a frantic plea for info about 'Jane Smith' on my tree. Actually, I didnt have one. I pointed this out and the requestee said, oh, I know, but I thought you might know where MY Jane Smith is. This person hadnt even bought the marriage cert which would have told them quite plainly what they needed to know. My tree has cost me blood sweat and tears AND hundreds of pounds.(Well, probably thousands, actually) I am happy to share IF there is a genuine connection, but I am not just giving away my most precious possession (LOL) to anyone, for them to do what they like with it. Olde Crone

Me too Bob, Hot matches are really useful, I'm not worried about people seeing my tree though I can understand that those people with very big trees can get inundated with lists of 'permission to view my tree' from people that they are not really connected to. Sarah :-)

I have never had a hot match! You are lucky!!! Merry x

When I send a request for 'hot match' info I always give permission to view my tree, I think it gives the other person more of a chance to see if there really is a connection. Then, if they don't give me permission after a week or so, I remove them from my list (I un-tick). I had thought that that was a polite way of going about it, though it seems that loads of people disagree and never give access to their trees (that's individual choice) The other thing about people using GR as their primary tree... you don't know when you begin that you're going to spend £70 on ancestry and that you're going to need software etc so of course this is your primary tree - I started in November and I've JUST ordered a FTM disc (can't wait for it to get here as I'm getting a bit worried about losing my new-found, long-dead rellies) So don't get all upset, all you people that have been doing this for yonks and have got back to one of Adam's grandchildren, if a newbie doesn't really know what she's doing when she gives you access to her measly little tree and all the newbies together end up giving you a massive list of 'contacts'... Sarah :-)

I've found several excellent leads by allowing people with matches to view my tree and asking for permission to view theirs. If you're worried about confidentiality exclude living persons.

After reading a few threads on here tonight I'd like to add my twopenceworth... see below