Genealogy Chat

nudge

Hi all HAPPY EASTER TO ALL HOPE YOU ALL GET LOTS OF LOVELY CHOCOLATE GOODIES THIS WEEKEND. Mel Cheer up Mel sometimes you get a lot of emailing then it slows right down. Give her some more time, 2 months is not that long. And your BS and BC are still in contact so you havent really lost her as such. Glen Good luck with your weekend. Hope you visit with you daughter goes well. Sheila Great advise as usaual keep it up you always write give the best and sensible advise. Annxx

Hi Jess, Your right you need to be able to give different opions so we can give viewes from all angles to be able to help :O) Glen Glen glad to see that cats ok, had visions of the poor thing being bald :O( Don't worry about your daughter, wait a couple more years before you do that ;O) seriously though as the mother of 3 girls from 15 to 21 I know what you mean, no wonder I have to get my hair coloured (oops did I just let that secret out ;O) Anway have a good trip ! Mel Guess you have done what you can then, just get on with your life and the door is always open for her to contact you if she comes around. This is the hard thing for adoptees to accept, I know if you are rejected by your BF it would hurt like hell, but to be given false hope can be just as bad, at least if you are told from the start they want no contact, you can pick yourself up and deal with it, but to have them be so eager and then drop of contact, this is the problem most people have to deal with, this does not apply just to BM's but siblings etc, you have only to read the previous threads. That said I am probably as guilty as them, sometimes relationships do not work out for various reasons, but at least its worth giving them a try. Will keep my fingers crossed for you that she has a change of heart Mel, till then enjoy what you have :O) Sheila

Hi Sheila, I have sent 2 emails to BM since the bombshell, both asking her if she was OK and feeling a little better, and I have heard nothing. I would have thought that she would have emailed me by now even to ask if I was okay. Hi Glen, I could be wrong but I think all 'little' girls act the same, it's one of those things I think. Mel

Hi all The cat is still shiny and very much with us,so it is safe to take my journey tomorrow. I'm off to the cemetery when i get to Lincoln,having found where b/m, and b g/parents were laid to rest.Kind of strange but i feel i really need to go and see the graves and have a quick chat,even if it;s just to say hello. I will also get to see my 'little' girl for the first time for too long.She isn't quite so little now though,13 going on thirty.(do they all do that?) Oh well wish me luck,and catch you all before too long Glen

sheila - Mel has had communication from B/S since the bombshell ,i think. Good job we all think differently though- good mix of opinions/experiences on this thread - i hink that is what makes it good. jess x

Hi Mel, Sorry I disagree, I do not think that you are being a bit over sensative today, mainly because I do not think that someone lands a bombshell like they did with you, and then does not bother to get back to them for 6 or 7 weeks. It would have be nice for them to check in to see if you are ok now, epsecially since BS was fast enough to ask if you knew who BF was. Look, I know everyone is hurting and trying to deal with their emotions but this is never about just 1 person. What about you making the first move send BM to see if she is ok and how thins are with her,, if you hear nothing back then you have at least made that effort. I don't think she may ever tell you how she felt, she has got it of her chest now and maybe wants to leave it to rest, only time will tell, but it has probably raised a lot of issues with her that have lain buried. Your going to have ups and downs for a while you know, its just going to be a matter of how you deal with them. If you can be sure that your have given contacting them and getting to know them your best shot, maybe you should back away for a bit and see how it goes. Anyway least you have other family members who seem to be enjoying your re-newed relationship. Take Care Mel and chin up. Sheila

Hi Jess, Yes I think you may be right, I could be having a super sensative day. Yes I have found out where I came from, which is what I set out to achieve. But when you have a little bit of chocolate mud cake you can always find room for a bit more, don't you think. Mel

mel honestly ? super sensitive i think! I think that the harder we try and get thes B/m to look back and examine 'who what why and where' the more they are likely to clam up. What was your objective when you started this journey? - have you achieved what you set out to? Jess x

Hi Everyone, Well this may be more of a vent than anything else. Sometimes I wish I could afford a visit to the UK, as I would like to see people faces when I talk to them as it sometimes seems hard to really know what people are thinking when you get an email. It has now been about 6 or 7 weeks since I last heard from BM. And while I have made mention of me sending a 2 emails to BS, I have had replies from them saying that BM’s computer is broken or that she is moving in with Fiancé. Yes these are good excuses but it has been 6 or so weeks. I do not ask to be emailed everyday or even every week, as I do not want that sort of relationship. Just some communication even if it was once a month but it has now been nearly 2. If she feels content just to know that I am O.K and really wants to get on her life for goodness sake just say so, I would be fine with that and I would at least know. Maybe she thinks that if she ignores me I may go away, and she is probably right, I am just about gone and may never to look back. I would like for BM to tell me what is was like back then, her feelings and thoughts and other things surrounding my birth and adoption. Yes she has given me a 2 line answer to these questions but I want more maybe a couple of paragraphs, a page would excellent. Morbid maybe but these are the things I would like to know and after all how bad could they be in comparison to the way I was conceived. Don't get me wrong I do not want to hear sorry as there is nothing to be sorry about. Am I having a bad day, or a super sensitive day. Come on, you can tell me, I can take it. Thanks for listening to me whinge. :0) Melisa

nudging today for all new Adoptees searching for their Birth Families....this thread helps. It helped me just by reading all the experiences on here.

nudge

Hi Sheila, Oooh I'll do that, just so I can spend more time on the computer. But I think that overspending maybe just one of those women things. LOL Melisa

Hi Glen, it wasn't Friday the 13th was it ? Any chance of being able to claim on the insurance ? something similar happened to a friend of ours, he had his living room newly carpeted and was painting his entrance hall, knocked of for a minute, and his son carried the paint brush all the way through the living room to the kitchen to give him, problem was it was fully loaded with maint :O( oh bless him, he was only trying to help. Jess Guess there is not point it trying to catergorise new family is there, we have just decided we all just make up an extended one, my BS has met my AS and her family and I have met her family also, and so far we get on great, even BS neices refer to us as Aunt and Unlce :O) Eileen Hope you move goes nice and smoothly and look forward to seeing you back on here soon ! Mel See if you can find any articles relating to adoptees also overspending and having a compulsion to log on to computer sites, then I can tell eveyone it's not my fault, it was hereditary ;O) Take Care all Sheila

Jess, thats really such a sad story. My late (adoptive) mother had dementia too - you just never know what is going through their minds. Not long before she died, my mother told me she knew I had a full sister, but that they decided to only have one child - me - so they could afford to do more for it. Up 'til then she had never ever mentioned that I had a sister. I did know by then as I had found out when I was in my twenties, but I had never told her. My four year old grandson is already well into who is related to who in our rather complicated family. The distinction he makes relies on who came out of whose tummy. He knows that he came out of Mama's tummy, our older daughter, and that his Dadda put him there. He knows that Dadda did not put him in Aunty's tummy (our younger daughter)who is now with Dadda and thus is both Aunty and step-mother - told you it was complicated. Removal men coming tomorrow - no that is now today - to pack and load. Will one day be enough? I doubt it with all my hoarding. Have to unplug the computor soon, and won't get back on again until the weekend, that is if we find the right box by then. Hugs to everyone, missing you already! Eileen

My nephew came out with a real cracker today - just showing how difficult adoption issues are for the very young. My brother has two kiddies 9 and nearly 7. Some time ago My dear mother blurted out ( with dementia) That she and my dad were not young Georges 'REAL' nanny and grandad! At the time young Georgie looked very confused and of course asked ''well, who is?''.There is no answer to this as my brother has no desire to 'know' who he was at all. Today the little fellow raises the subject again , looks at my partner and says ''Uncle Alan YOU are my REAL Grandad, arent you?''. Alan gave him a big hug and just smiled, as did my brother, really didnt know WHAT to say. There is no answer for the little fellow! Jess x

nudged for nattering , but it fine to do it else where if you are more comfy with that jess

Hi everyone Just thought you might like a quick tale of my misfortune today. The carpet fitter turned up in a rush to finish in time for a wedding.He walloped a freshly stained and varnished skirting board,anyhow he fitted the carpet and i succesfully 'repaired' the damage and you can't see where. All safely done without problems,then as i'm packing away the cat decides to run in front of me,tripping me up. Result 1/2 a tin of varnish (with the lid on) hits the floor,pops the lid off and falls open end down..........on the new carpet. Anyone want a shiny varnished cat,free and gratis? Glen

Hi Everyone, To Eileen Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby. I agree with you Sheila, if you are unsure about contacting someone in your birth family, then you are probably not ready, wait until you are. I think you know when you are though as nothing stops you and you will probably have no regrets. I know I do not. On a lighter note I once read an article in one of my mags about people who where adopted and most of them are hoarders. I remember it because I kept it so show my hubby, as if to say see it's not my fault. Hope this makes us hoarders feel better, after all it's just one of the circumstances of being adopted. LOL Melisa

Hi Again 'Happy Anniversary' ...... to you and hubby Eileen, reckon after 29 years he derserves a bit of pampering, so both go and put your feet up , the packing can wait till tomorrow :O) Reckon you will have to get brutal with the sorting out now though, I can talk must be one of the worlds worst hoarders, but at this rate you will be ordering another removal van, so guess the magazines will have to go, mind you there could be a couple of useful articles in there to help you with you new garden ;O) (see I am not much of a help am I ? Enjoy the rest of your special day. Sheila