Genealogy Chat

Slip slidin' away!!

Hi All Just wanted to make it an even 100 Cya Melisa

Hi Jess,Mel,Sheila and Glen Thanks for all your messages of support. Melisa Hope all goes well for you today with your first BM email. Sheila Yes you are right. But because its new, its exciting and all I want is more. Sometimes you know when not to tell your parent things as you know it will hurt them. Maybe later on I will fill them in, but not now. Glen Dont worry about being the only male here. Your messages are just as important. And Jess 'HI' to you to. Love reading all your messages. Catch up soon Annxx

Hi Mel, Good on you, now make yourself busy a watched kettle never boils, and an e-mail wont come any quicker if you sit watching the PC :O) Sent you a PM as well. Sheila p.s. oh sod ! knowing thar you are in Australia ,you will be in bed when it comes :O( whats the time difference where you are ?. we may have to wait till tomorrow to hear any news and my fingers and legs are cramping up ;O)

Hi All Hi Sheila Just thought I would let you know that my birth cousin has emailed me with my BM email address and she also told my BM my email addy. I have just finished writing a short email to BM and will now wait to see what happens. I had to stop myself from writing a novel, that can maybe come later. My birth cousin did tell me that my BM had tried to look for me many years ago and that she was happy to have contact with me . Now the wait for the return email from my BM Good night all, I have had a big day Cya Melisa

Hi Ann, Listen do not be so hard and your self and your Birth sister, . like Jess says what do you consider frequent contact? in your own family you and your adoptive sister will no doubt go for a week or so without any contact but you would not think anything of it. The thing with this search is, it is so intense, once your have grabbed the bull by the horns, things cannot happen fast enough, days seem like weeks, weeks seem like months, people may need a cooling of period, you say yourself one minute you want to meet up with her the next minute the thought of meeting up makes you sick, do you really want to meet her yet ? are you anywhere near each other (or in the same country ;O) If so you can always suggest meeing up for coffee or pub lunch, no string attatched just a little chat, but maybe she is more worried as her immediate family don't know about you. Guess what they adapt, my kids think its fantastic they have new Aunties, Unlces and cousins. I can understand you not wanting to upset your parents, the are probably quite scared now, knowing that you have found your BS they know the seeds have been laid for tracing your BF, and are scared of you getting hurt and being rejected,a lso scared that this may change your relationship with them ,as if ! If they do find out, just re-ssure them that they are and always will be your Mum and Dad, but you just needed to find your history. Hope things go well for you and stay in touch with us all. Glen, Glad to see your back on here, families heh, but your a lot futher on wih your search than a week ago ;O) Good Luck! Mel, Any more news yet, told you still got my fingers and everything crossed (and it's getting a bit uncomfortable now ;O) so hope you hear something soon). Take Care all, and hope things go well with your searches. Sheila

Hi all, Mel and Ann,despite you being awake when most of the rest of us are sleeping,i think my minority is smaller than yours. I can't recall the last post from a chap on the hint's board for a long time. Just an update for everyone. I haven't heard from my half brother for a few weeks now,the other half brother is still a no-no,and my half sister is 'in the background'. That is to say that half brother whom i contact passes snippets to her and they have spoken about me. The only contact i have is via GR,they have other contact details for me,but haven't as yet taken them up. It's been somewhere just over 4 months since we first confirmed the link to my B/M,feels like forever when realisticly it's not that long,but a week waiting for a reply feels like a year. Still nowhere near even knowing what colour hair or eyes mother had,mentions of photographs don't even get acknowledged. So i put some spare time into the rest of the family,granny and grandad were married on Xmas day in 1907,so pictures atart up in my mind,G G/F was a Master Mariner,GG G/F was a mariner turned coastgaurd,at one time stationed at the same place as Grace Darling. G G/F had a sister who married at a church 12 miles from me (300 miles from where i was born and raised)I went to it yesterday,at least i've stood in 'family footsteps'. Obviously i'll never know much about them (all from 1810 to about 1890) but at least i can dream,it's just such a shame that the most recent family,the brothers,sister and my mother (passed away some years ago incedently)are just names and dates,no picture of how they look or how they sound. As for my B/F,nothing concrete,just a name and a rumour or two,but i might have found a daughter he had,though heaven knows how to prove we are talking of the same man,The rumours from my half brother are borne out by the daughter. If and i say IF he is the same person then he fathered enough for a football team,and there might be a substitute or two left to appear. Big hugs for everyone. Keep posting Glen x

Debbie, you can do it yourself ~and be sure of what you find! what exactly did they do, how long did it take and how much did it cost in total? What actual info were they prepared to give you for that money?

Yes Melisa I think it is just us 2 Good to hear things are going nicely for you. Yes your head will spin for a while to come. Try to think of other things as well as it will sometimes overwhelm you and you need to not let it consume you. Which is hard. And I am not bitter either. But I think all Adoptee's like me have probably a rejection issue. All human's hate rejection. i think someone was looking after me and found me the best home. And I do thank God or my guardian angel for that. Have a Great day Ann Hi to everyone

Hi Ann I think it may be just us aussie's that are awake !! Melisa

Hi All Mmmm where do I start I have had a busy few days, 2 weeks ago I had no information and this week my head is spinning. After recieveing my birth certificate I started on my search for my birth mother and hoping I had the right one with a couple of name changes began to wonder whether I was following the right woman. So I decided to go another way and look for my BM's siblings and I found an older sister, so with the name and year of birth I looked on GR and there was her name and year of birth, I can tell you my heart skipped a beat with fear and anticipation. I emailed the person who was doing the tree to ask whether the person in the tree had a sibling giving her a name, approx age and that she worked in a chemist and became friends with a Lisa K, she replied quickly filling in the K name ( wow I had the right person) trying not to get to emotional I asked her if she knew how her Auntie knew Lisa, and she has replied back that her Auntie was Lisa's her BM. At the moment I believe we are at the moment emailing each other with bits of info hoping the other will fill in the blank just so we both know we have the right person. I have no idea what will become of this, I will have to wait and see. At the moment I have about 200 or more questions to ask though I think I might have to pace myself with the questions. I am not bitter about being adopted as I would not be the person I am today, I believe I have lead a charmed life as I have great parents who are always there for me and their love and suport have made me who I am today. I also have a great husband who is my sole mate and who I would not have met had my life taken another direction. My parents have no idea what I have started and I feel guilty about that but after 37 years my curiosity could no longer be contained. At the moment I have no intention of teliing ny parents as I would not likr to upset them. All that said and ment I would still like to see where I came from, and who I look like, where it takes me from there I will have to wait and see. Sorry to babble I had to get it of my chest, this thread is great as at one point I thought I was the only one with certain feelings and now i realise I am not alone. Thanks for listening and will still be babbling for some time yet on this tread Talk soon Melisa

Jess Sorry I forgot to mention I was in Australia. And I am 42 years young. I have one Sister I was brought up with and consider her my real sister although we were both Adoptee's from different BM&BF Chalk and Cheese.... but we do love each other as Sisters. Just different. Only recently found out about that I had other Siblings from BM, that were also giving up for Adoption. Big surprise that was as I thought I was the only one. Like most Adoptee's you think you were the big mistake. Not knowing that more Siblings were giving up also. I think that waiting for replys from BS are tough because I think that maybe she might change her mind about contact. But I dont pressure her. As I wouldnt want it done to me. I dont know anything about BF as yet. Havent got that far yet. BM hasnt given names only a little information about why we were born. Things have cooled of in the BM area. We both have not heard from BM,s brother who we are in email contact with. She has given addresses and phone number, but to be honest I dont think I'm ready to talk to her yet. This maybe the guilt thing. My parents are still alive(wonderful,loving parents) who I know would not be happy about all this. So I dont know how far I will go from here. Thats something I will have to think on. I appreciate your Questions and Answers, it helps me. Annxx

Ann You lawys add when i am asleep - i guess you must be on the 'other side the pond'- hadn't realised that , sorry. You have said various things in your last message, which have caused me to stop and ponder: ref to your age and the 'frequency of the communication'. I have no idea how old you are, so cant really comment but can guess that irrespective of your 'real age' you're in the infancy of the relationship with your birth siblings. Do you have siblings that were brought up with you?i have no way of telling. i do , and certainly my brother and i dont speak on the phone week in week out. OK, so we know each other , but even so. i think what you have i tems of frequency of communication is actually brilliant, and maybe a week does feel like a lifetime but it isnt. Being ''over wanting'' - which is diabolical english!- WILL chase her away. hard though it is , try not to plague her with messages, let her initiate some and see how long it take, if she only replies, not starts messages then it maybe you are asking for more than she is prepared to give. One My birth brothers died and I managed to track down his son,Because of the spread of children that BF fathered this bloke- technically my nephew- is only 10 years younger than me. I can e-mail him anytime, and he responds with friendly banter and news but NEVER initiates the e-mails, and i have never met him. I am one of 9, birth sibling out of birth father ( although 7 are halves) -I have telephone numbers and adresses for each and everyone of them on BF side , yet only communicate with 2, much as i would love to have them all 'in the circle' it doesnt always happen that way. Jess x

Thanks Sheila Your right there is no manual to follow. This Thread has been the best place for me to talk to others of the same situations. So Glad this thread is here it helps heaps. Annxx

Hi Ann, You know what your going through is perfectly normal, I e-mailed my BS for a while first, and then we started to chat on messenger, it's easier to get to know someones personality that way. We then spoke on the phone and arranged to meet a bit later (poor thing flew over here ,to meet me and stay here, so thank goodness we got on brilliantly or it would have been awkward otherwise). The point is, we took a little time to get to know each other, by the time we met, we had already become good friends, and then you take it from there. You would not expect to meet a friend and straight away be lifelong friends, this relaltionship like everthing else, it has to be worked on. Just remember she is in the same situation and is probably just as scared as you, she was given up by your BM and had a new family who she was raised by, I am sure everything you are feeling she is feeling too, so straight away you wil have something in common, just go from there. No one gives you a manual with this search and for each person it may be diiderent, its just a learning curve this is why this thread is so good, it helps people who have been through what you are going through try and give you some support and advice. Hope all goes well for you all. Sheila

Hi jess Yes my BS and I email and talk on the telelphone. And I just cant say its her that doesnt want to meet. I am yes and no girl all the time. I am so nervous about it. i sometime feel sick about it. Might be the age. Its been over a week since i last heard from her but thats not unusual. Its hard to understand someone from the email or telephone. My parent know about her, but thats it. They dont know the rest and thats hard cause I dont like lying to them, but see no way out of it. They went a bit stiff (only way I can decribe it,scared I guess) when I told them about BS. But they were bettet the my sister she has acted as if it doesnt exist. Her attitude surprised me as she is Adopted as well and I thought she would be my rock. Gee was I in for a shock. Catch up soon Ann Hi Melisa, Good luck with your search, Would you belive my search ended here(Genereunited) and in 12hrs I had contact with my BM Brother who told her and the rest of his family. It took me 2 months to get up the courage. I knew it was his/her family tree with her name and age. So Quick. Talk soon Ann

sorry Ann. I think things do happen for a reason - i guess i was lucky- post adoption i had everything - and despite my having met BM, mum and dads love ( my adopted mum and dad ) is unconditional - they think the world of my birth sister, as they say,''neither of you asked to be given away''. her adoptive father ( her mum is dead) wont entertain the idea at all - which i suppose is the flip side. Not sure that your birth sisters offspiring really need to know she is adopted, in order for you to meet- perhaps that is a reason she is using to stall for time. do you write/talk on the phone or have any form of ongoing communication at all? Jess x

Hi Ann No I have not moved to another thread I have been busy looking for the Births / Marriges to match my birth certificate and have been caught up doing that. Once I get some more concrete info will let you all know how its going. Though it does make it hard as when we are awake and ready to chat almost everyone else is asleep and visa versa. Seeya Melisa

So has everyone moved to another thread or what?????? I have been reading chapter 3, and other threads. Its good to read and feel that your not the only one.

Hi Jess and all, That's the worst of all this is, HOW do you know who to trust and if they are good people and not devietes. I have still not meet my BS. Her kids dont know about her being Adopted. Curiosity makes me want to meet her, but I am not rushing it. And I think I am getting used to not having high expectations. You know some days I wish it never happened. Do you believe things happen for a reason?????? Annxx