Genealogy Chat

Louise, Sorry, wrong end of stick, don't know what else to say - this is a deeply moving thread, as someone else said, we are all different, yet all the same. Even with wonderful husbands/wives, and children, we still have a 'bit missing'. My husband sometimes wants to know why he 'isn't enough' Its a logical question, but we adoptees are not always too logical, we always know what we mean, non-adoptees don't. Its the 'walking three moons in someones shoes' thing again, isn't it.

Just one more thing, I think that none of us are better or worse of than the other. We are all adoptees We all have the good and bad and even the truely terrible in our stories. But no matter what we understand and are here for each other, in what we are, have and are about to go through. Thank-you for all being here, and I wished we all lived in the same country, could you imagine the stories we could tell over coffee. It could be an Oprah special. LOL Seeya Have a Good Day

Hi Ann That was just perfect, will I be seeing you on Idol this year lol. I am with you I am also not looking for love or to replace the family I already have. If I do form a friendship with any of my birth family that will be a bonus, I am pretty sure my BC and I will continue to email each other and are in the early stages of what I believe will be a firm friendship. Of to lunch talk soon Melisa

Hi to Ange, Eileen, Mel & All Eileen, the fact that my bm was married wasnt the scandal, its supposed to be something else, I'm just in the process of finding out what, I think it may have had something to do with my real dad as I was told about a rumour at the time saying that girl will never find her dad, this was local gossip I'm informed, then to add to this the older half bro of mine clarified that there was something in the paper & it wasnt because she was married, apparently something bad. Hi Mel, Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you!! Louise.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MELLLLL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU hope I wasnt out of key....

Hi all Angela I think all adoption stories are similar but never the same. And I think that all Adoptee's feel like they dont belong at some stage or another. Even when you find your BM and their family, i still think you feel awkward and not really feel like you belong there either. How can you when you havent lived with or known any of them. You just have some of the same D.N.A. So where do we belong??? With our family,etc husband, partner or kids(or even just our pets) and that stops that feeling and doesnt make us feel so lost. We can never change that past, but we have to move on and find happiness elsewhere. I dont search of love, i search for the discovery of why I exist and if I find friendship along the way thats good. Well thats how I see, maybe some of you will disagree and thats why we write and read these messages for everyones opinions. Annxx

Hi Everyone Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Well I always wondered if my BM thought about me on my birthday and after some previous emails I am pretty sure she has, and definitely will be this year. Today I received an email from my BC wishing me a Happy Birthday which I thought was a really lovely thought. Even though the news was upsetting about my conception, there will be no wondering where I came from on this birthday. And that in its strange way is better than not knowing at all ! Seeya, Talk soon Melisa

i so love reading all your stories i feel a rare bread in among all you adoptees who find birth parents and knowing that your parents realy didnt want to give you away my story is the complet opposite i wont delv into the details but even as a small child and been loved by adoptive parents i still knew i didnt belong there and felt very lonley as a child and growing up.it was only when i married and had children of my own that i felt happy and complet just a little snippet of my story angie xxxxx

nudge

hi Louise, and everyone, BM being married to someone else is not really a great scandal, it happened to a lot of us - me and my sister for two, or should that be my sister and I? Anyway, lots of cyber hugs to a fellow traveller who has had it rather rough, by the sound of it. It just amazes me the incredible number of variations in the reasons why we were all adopted. When first starting out - some 45 years ago now - on the big search, I thought that everyone who was adopted was the 'one innocent mistake' of some deceived young girl whose parents would not help her.. How wrong can you be. Some certainly did happen that way, but many more are far more diverse and complicated. The desperate sadness and fear that pursues so many of the BMs down the years. Denying themselves their children so much, that eventually they come to believe it themselves in order to survive. Then to be faced with what you have denied for so many years, is it a wonder that BMs are so messed up in their heads. And us - all we want are answers, where? what? why? and were we loved, just a little, for just a little while - it is so important to every child to feel loved. Even in our 60s, the child that is still in all of us wants to know that we were loved, just for a moment, before we were given up. I am lucky now, I know that I was loved. I so want to tell my sister that she was loved too. Where are you, Jennifer Ann, born 22nd September 1945 in Woking Our mother lived in Bisley. Lots of info. if you want it. You must be out there somewhere. Eileen

bumped cus its just an excellent thread xxxxx

Thanks Ange, youre a star in my book as you already know, will pm you tomorrow, Lou.

hi lou wishing you and all other adoptees all the love and hugs i can give,some very difficult times ahead but with the help and support from your friends on here remember your never alone god bless you all angie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi I have left a msg on here before, to Mel, tread carefully & take things one step at a time, I know who my bm was but died before we could reconcile, I knew her as my Aunt Judy & my bb& bs as cousins, however the contact stopped when I was a small child, last year found bs again, went to stay at hers fro weekend all was well, then it went pear shaped, I sent her a text on bm dying date, she didnt take kindly to this & now we have no contact, how could I possibly have known the date of bm death!! We dont have the same father & I have no way whatsoever of finding out who he is, my s.worker is foning me tomorrow as she thinks she's located my adoption file, very nervous as there may be something in about dad, apparently as rumour has it there was a scandal surrounding either my birth or conception as bm was married to someone else at the time. Even though I was adopted, I wasnt protected like a normal set of parents would, I had everything thrown at me from my adopted bro's, they resented me & still do, S.abuse by 2 of adopted mums blokes behind dads back, so just to let you all know being adopted can be a massive hurdle to overcome, I havent even started & I'm 32. Thanks for letting me moan, Louise X

Hi Eileen, What a sweet story, bet it meant the world to her, to finally see her birth place and to meet her cousin, like you say never give up hope :O) Hope everyone is keeping well. Sheila

slip slidin' away

nudge

give some cyber hugs to a lady who hoped to see the house she was born in, in a small village in N. Wales. She was at first nervous of getting out of the car to look for the house so her husband went to look, and met my friend who lived next door, and happened to be crossing the lane to her garden.. She said 'goodmorning' as people in small villages tend to do when seeing a stranger. My friend had known the previous owner - now deceased - and also knew where to find the son. This son was the cousin of the searching lady. He had no idea that his late aunt had had a child adopted away in the late 1940s. A happy if rather astonished meeting took place at my friend's house, and the adopted lady was able to see family 'photos etc. My friend was delighted at being able to help this lady to find her roots. If she had just not been crossing the lane at just that moment , or not been the sort of person who said 'goodmorning', it would not have happened. My friend obviously knows all my story and it was knowing this that helped her to help this lady. She also knew the son well, and was able to approach him sensitively. The lady was the daughter - by a soldier - of the elder of two sisters who were still living at home at that time. The younger sister(an elderly lady by then of course) had been approached some years back, but had declined - in a nice way - to have further contact or give information. She had not told her son that he had a cousin. The son, different generation, different feelings about such things, is happy to have a cousin. Interesting that often, reading the stories on this board, it is the next generation who feel comfortable with 'knowing and meeting' when birth mothers, aunts, uncles etc, sometimes are not. Sorry that there are so many 'this lady' and 'my friend' references in this story. It is not my place to give their names, or name the village. Anyone out there searching, do not give up hope, often enlightenment arrives eventually through the most odd coincidences. by the way - where are you my full sister Jennifer Ann, born 22nd September 1945 in Woking, Surrey, our mother lived in Bisley. still searching Eileen

Mel, just keep your eyes covered, and go with which ever way it hurtles! if you plan on whizzing off to the right, you can bet you'll go straight on! Can you see the end of the ride yet? hey, i've kept on whizzing round for about 15 years now, yes it slows, and goes on straight bits and then .wheeee...you are off round a double corkscrew! One major tip though, -hold on tight!! Jess x

Hi Ann, Thought a little light relief may have been needed to cheer you up :o ) Glad to see that BM is now going to phone you, bet you jump every time the phone rings now.......let us know how things go, and I am sure your BA will have a brilliant holiday over there, hell of a long way to go for a visit though ! My BF only have to travel to Europe! Hi Dorothy, Glad to see you say that you had the best parents ever, but undestand your need to search, hope you have a brilliant 65th birthday, and what a present, getting to meet your brother and a holiday, bet know one else gets that for their brithday! Hi Mel, Really glad to see you on here, sent you an e.mail before to see if your ok, Great you have had an e.mail from BS and she seems nice, so like I said before there are always posative things to find from this, (the gold at the end of the rainbow :O) That said I would telll everyone this route, is a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride, do you reckon this searching for BF,'s should carry a goverment health warning 'this search could be dangerous to your sanity ' :O)) Reckon we would all still do it anyway, like you I went hell for leather to track down BF, although I did take a while to approach them, BS jumped straight in reckon though like you said Mel we have an excuse we are all 'Aries'. Bye for now Sheila