Genealogy Chat

Hi everyone Mel I'm sorry things havent worked out as fast you would have liked. Its as Sheila said, you have to play the waiting game and be patient. She will eventually get to the subject. I think you have to take it slow. I have asked the same question 2 weeks ago and am still waiting for a reply. It was not as good for my sibling,who's news of her BF was a sad reply. Cant go into it but it was bad. But I do understand your need for answers, as I am the same and want to know it all. Cheer up Mel Annxx

Hi To those of you who know I am OK To those of you who don't, I know know the details of my BF and am sorry, but can not put it on here. Talk soon Melisa

Hi Mel, Glad you dropped in, .... thinking of you, take care for now. Sheila

Hi Mel, As ever Sheila takes the words out of my mouth and beats me to the board. Hugs and everything Glen xx

Thanks guys you bring a smile to my face!!!!!!!!!

Hi Guys, Moral dilema question, someone on the boards is looking for a half sibling that was adopted, they know their name, and I think I have found them, but my gut instanct is not to give this info out and protect the adoptee, as he may not know he is adopted. Having helped quite a few on here with tracing BF I feel really bad about this and I ma having a crisis of conscious, but have always worked on the premise, that the BM gave birth so knows about the adoptee, but the adoptee may not know they where adopted. Thoughts please. Sheila

i think i am with you on that one sheila- i think that is why , even given the new adoption legislation, the first contact must come from the adoptee ( and i agree with that), jess

Hi Sheila, takes me back a week or so,and my panic message. I could see the with the way the tree was constructed,the child had been adopted,and my fear was if the child didn't know. Had somebody put two and two together who knows what could have happened? It really is full of IF's If the child knows they are adopted If they have any thought about tracing the b/f If they have had a 'story' told surrounding the circumstances. I know you will be aware of all of these,but how can you find out if the adopted person knows anything at all. A very difficult call to make,and one i'm loathe to ever find myself doing at any point. For me personally i could only continue with some certainty that the adopted person knew the fact that they were adopted,but short of asking them how could you ever know? A VERY tough call to make. Too many people to consider,and so many ways it could be done,it really is beyond what most people could consider. Glen

Hi Guys, Thanks for the advice everyone, guess you have just echoed what I felt deep down inside. I did not know till my mid 20's and there are mayn other sin the same postion who have never been told. Just wondering how they will instigate this new legislation, and contact adoptees, there is no way of knowing if they know, till you ask them. When the adoption society offered to write to siblings for me, they said they would right them a letter and ask them to call in for a discussion. Like the leaterhead would not give the game away :O( guess there is not subtle way of doing this. Have asked the person concerned to see if he has been int ouch with the adoption agency to find out about his adoption and view his records at all, another thing could have been to give the adoptive parents address and go via them, but i think this could be to upsetting and intrustive for them. Oh well will just have to get over my conscience then :O( Thanks all Sheila

Hi Shiela I guess the new legislation was drawn up slightly ignorant to the fact that not everyone knows they were adopted,and those that do don't always consider looking for family. If the circumstances were such that you knew the adoptee was aware and welcomed contact it would be so easy to decide the course of action. The above starts with an IF though doesn't it. Have you got a crystal ball? Glen

I guess ( is the person on this site?) you could meaagse them with the standard 'im researching the tree of x ( one gen back perhaps) and se if they come back with 'yes, but i was adopted into the family'

Hi Glen, If i had a crystal ball I would have won the lottery by now and sitting in the carrabean on my lap top ;O) The changes in the law will certainly throw up some issues over the next few years though, just as, after 1975 we had the right to our adoption records, lots of BM's never thought they would be able to be viewed and we coudl have contact with them again, so in a way it's understandable. My only issues is for the people who do not already know, that said, I would never recommend people who adopt keep it secret, It has a way of coming out, I know of someone applying for a passport who found out, orher going through parents belonging after they have passed on, have found paperwprk, or as you mention Glen checking someones tree :O( The brith parents though have at least had time to adept to the idea, what about the adoptee who gets a letter in the post and had no idea ?...... Jess He is not on here or FR, that said there is no gaurantee that mailing him would help, someone would not necessarilly tell you something that private at the beginning anyway, I reckon most would just give you the info they know on the family, unless they where asked a specific question, which brings us back to sqaure one :O( Sheila

snap Liz, you must have read my mind as I was typing the same thing :O)

Hi all Well now she's asking for proof of my existence and copy's of BC, because she has to jog her memory of my birth.. Well you can call me a B----,but shouldnt she remember something. OK,OK maybe I'm asking to much but gee cant someone tell me that why she wouldnt remember something. Yes I,m peeved and thats not the word I wanted to use. Angry Ann

Ann- I know what that feels like. when my older sister asked BM about my birth she denied i existed! again good old Birth cert had to come into play whereupon she promptly replied that she had 'forgotten...' erm...erm....how do you forget? Jess x

I am not an adoptee but am interested in your thread and the advice it offers as my father was 'taken-in' by a lady in 1916 before records began. I know the name and address of his birth mother in 1916 and was wondering the best way of searching who was living there? Would a Post Office Guide give me this information? Linda

Hi all When I was searching for my birth mother I used a site called lookupuk (. c o m ). Lots of helpful people helped me to find more information about my birth mother that eventually led to me contacting her (not through the site but through genes reunited!) You do need a certain degree of information to start with. I was quite lucky that my social worker at the time I was adopeted gave my adoptive parents a letter containing information that I might want to know when I was older. There is also a government run Adoption register that adoptees and their birth families can join. When a link is made you are informed and can make contact through the agency. I can't remember the link for it but I will look at the paperwork I have and post it on Monday. Good luck to all those searching for their birth families... sometimes it can seem like your not getting anywhere but keep trying. ~Kimberley~

Hi Ann, Hope you have calmed down now ;O) reckon she must have a very high pain threshold, believe me, I remember having everyone of my 3 girls :O) Maybe she is just making sure this is not some sort of cruel hoax, remember on the Sucess Board when someone pretended to be a BM son :O( That and the fact she is having problems adjusting to the fact that after 40 odd years her birth children have found her, are there any other siblings before she married ? Is she married now ? and worried you may upset the apple cart ? these can be real fears to a BM. Anyway if she has doubts show her your original BC, if you have a copy of the adoption records you can even show her a copy of her signature, hopefully she won't say its a forgery ;O) Linda do you want to know who was at the address in 1916 or now ? think you will need to ask for an electoroa roll look up at the main library in the area if its 1916. Kim, Glad to see things worked out for you, the adoption register you mention is held at Southport so if you go onto the gro.gov-uk link and go into the adoption you should find details. Jess Thanks for the e.mails the other day. Take care for now all. Sheila

Need some help everyone; Do you know anyone who uses an usa genes site. Have managed to trace who i think is my natural mum but to join would cost $560 which is out of my reach. Can anyone recommend anyone who could help on this site. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. Sandra

Hi Sandra, Have you her current name and do you know what state she lives in ? there is www.infobel(.)com that lists the american telephone directory. They also have some sites for finding people although I do not know how good they are or the costs involved. The other thing you could do is ask for help from our American members there are a few on here, I know Judy from the states has helped people with look ups not just computer problems. Good Luck! Sheila