Genealogy Chat

A few months ago I found an aunt I knew nothing about who died at eight years of age, which saddened me. Then recently I found my Grandmas second marriage, 24 years after she gave birth to another child I knew nothing about, but was pleased about this discovery, at least he married her eventually. Yesterday I found another Uncle, who I knew nothing about, he died at six months, sometimes makes me wish I had never started. Saddened again!!

i know what you mean. my husbands grt gran who is still alive(92 yrs) had a brother who died at the age of 3(she know of him), but in the last few days i have found that she also had another brother and sister that both died within a few months of birth that she can't remember as she was only a toddler when they were born. i 'm not going to tell her about them but it makes me so sad to think that her mum went though her whole life not talking to her own chidren about their brother and sistersw

I think that is what has upset me, my Dad never mentioned them, and he was 3 when his sister died and 6 when he lost his brother-did his parents never mention them again? If this is the case it is very sad-I have put them on my tree and feel as if I have given them something back-and I have one set of certificates and now will send for the little boy's.

The same has happened here, yet apparently my dad talked about a little girl dying, but I havent found her, I have though found a boy who died at 21 months. I now have his death certificate and felt like you, sad, but happy that I had given him his rightful place in family history. My late grandmother also had twin brothers who died after birth. I am waiting for one of their certificates to arrive.

The only thing I remember my Dad talking about was a twin girl dying - but I have not found her, just the little girl and the baby boy-still looking but not sure I want to find my little children who died.

i know, it makes you so sad, my grt gran dose't even know of them, i have spoken to her in great detail about the family and have told her of other stillborns ect just to see if she remembers details but her or her older sister(94) can't remember anything. i have ordered their certs and will place them back in their family(their rightful place)

Those are sad stories - my mother just halfway through last century had a baby girl after my sister & me, she died after 4 & a half hours. My grandmother took care of the burial & never even told my mother where my sister was buried. My mother never asked either, as it wasn't the done thing. I managed to find my baby sister about 8 years ago & I have noticed that my mother (80) doesn't seem to get depressed around February anymore. Sandra

These are all very sad stories, but at least they are found and rightfully placed on their Family Trees, and remembered, by us.

Least said: Soonest mended!!! was the prevailing attitude and the further back we go, the less time anyone had to dwell on sadnesses. Life was a constant struggle for most and they had no time or energy to waste on the unalterable. My sister was only a week old when she got gastroenteritis (there had been an earlier outbreak and after sterilization, thought the really nice nursing home was 'clean'). Alas. She was taken away, put on a bottle (which pretty much guaranteed she would not survive) and Mum never saw her again. She died at 16 days old and my parents never knew what happened to her. They were never asked what they wanted to happen. Never told what had been done. Both she and my father were desperately ill at the time and it was only a few months before Mum died that I rather belatedly worked out that she would have probably have been buried by the undertakers who had 'disposed of' the rest of the family!! How I wish I had thought ot it years before. I don't think Mum ever got over Jane's death. The undertaker and his wife were neighbours and friends of my Mum for the last twenty or thirty years of her life - but had no idea that I had ever had a sister and were mightily surprised that I should ring and ask if they could tell me what had happened to her. The business had been sold but the by now ex-undertaker went the next day, checked the 14th June 1947 - and there were the details. He offered to take Mum to her grave - but she was horribly unwell and wanted me to take her when next I was in England. And I did. It is where I put her ashes. Poignantly she (now they) are very close to the plaque in memory of my father and the grave of his mother. I had always known about her and always rang Mum every year on 29 May. Even so, I cried when I found her birth and death registrations which took me by surprise. I guess finding public evidence of her sort of made her more real. Victoria ('only child')

I've found a couple of child deaths in my family and find it quite sad, particularly my great aunt (Still Living) who lost her sister at 14 months old. The one thing that's affected me the most though is finding that my great uncle died in Anzio in 1944 when he was 32 years old. I have found letters written to his parents from his commander and a couple of his friends that were with him. I don't know why but I feel a bit of a bond there that makes me want to go and visit his grave and pay my respects. I don't know whether any of the family have been there themselves so I'd like to make the effort to go.

awwww it's so sad to read all this. I think it was very much brushed under the carpet. My mom miscarried a baby at 5 months (1960's) and she said the doc just took the baby away and that was the end of it.We have no idea if baby was buried or even if it was a boy or girl. unfortunately the same thing happend to me I miscarried at 5 months, we saw the baby (we named Hannah) had her blessed in the chapel at the hospital, a funeral service for her and she is buried in a special section at our local cemetery. I often wonder how those poor ladies got through it all without being able to show their feelings because it wasn't the 'done' thing

My Great Uncle and wife had 16 children and only 7 survived. One of the girls died at 8 years old. My nan lost her first child (1920's) and it was never spoken about. When I found out my Aunts just said oh yes then started to talk about something else! My Aunt lost her first born to a brain tumor in the 1960's when he was 3 years old. I can't imagine all that heartache although I do know what Linda just said about someone having a miscarriage at 5 months and the baby being taken away in the 1960's still happens because it happened to me in 1995. Sheila

aww sheila am sorry to hear that. Can't believe it was still happening in 95! now I am shocked. Hannah was born 2002 (sorry taking over thread here)

My aunt died at 3.5 hours old. We've always known of her existence, but my mum never knew the circumstances of how her sister had died. On a completly un-related 'probing' call to my nan, she told all about the events leading up to and following her babies birth and very quick death. Its so sad. I think people do brush it under the carpet like you said, it was so common in earlier years to have a family with at least 1 child dying in infancy, but its not until you actually stop and think about it, or its a little closer to home, that you actually realise that its one of the worst things imaginable. My nan never saw her baby again after her birth, and I dont think I will everr forget that. I too miscarried recently, and I believe in my heart that I saw the baby, but was never told that it happened for definete by the doctors until the morning after. At least all these babies are finally getting the recognition and love that they deserve. xxxx

I am waiting for the birth and death cert of the half-sister I never knew existed until last week. I knew dad and his first wife had a still-born son - my aunt and my cousin both told me about him.............. But why does no one remember the daughter who lived? I won't know until the certs come how long she lived for.....the certs are the same Q so maybe not long. Everyone's right about things being brushed under the carpet.......when my father died my mother decided not to mention it for 6 whole months! I spent the 6 months wondering where he was, but never asked...... Merry

its so sad what went on years back, I myself lost a child at 3months old but i made sure all my children and daughter in law know about him. But what I wanted to mention was 'Cover Ups' sadly my Aunt Pam died when she was just 24 of Stomach cancer, mum always mentioned her and the pain she must have gone through, Mum never knew she was ill which saddened her deeply, they lived 250 miles apart, Granma told mum Pam was only diagnosed 2 weeks before she died. I sent for Pams death certificate a couple of years back, I was shocked to see the reason, Not cancer, turns out Pam had a back street Abortion and died of internal bleeding, when I showed mum she cried her heart out as mum was a nurse at the time and would have been able to help.. How sad..

Just wanted to add to this, I'm not sure that the reason was 'not the done thing'. It's just very hard to bring up a subject out of the blue when you know that it will only upset people. My first son was stillborn at 9 months. I now have 2 boys of 9 & 10 and a new daughter of 15 months. My sons only recently found out about Benjamin (1st son) through a friend's daughter (the friend gave birth to this daughter 5 days before I had Benjamin) It was really liberating to be able to talk to my sons about him, I had never wanted to keep him a secret . It was just that I never found the moment - '....don't forget to brush your teeth, and... by the way.... you should have had an older brother but he died....'. Don't assume that a secret is a secret voluntarily, sometimes I guess the moment never comes. I'm glad mine did. Sarah

Thank you for sharing all this with me, I have just contacted my Sisters and told them about our Little Arthur S.-God bless them all. Jennifer.

Like most people I have quite a few infant/child deaths in my family, I make sure I always put them on my tree, it just feels as though they did not have the chance of a full life, so the least I can do is recognise the short life they did have. It always makes me sad when I see them on my tree but with no spouses/children next to them.

aww Carrie that is such a sad story :( My moms sister died very young am not sure of her exact age, my mom mentioned her a couple of times but she died 16 years before my mom was born.I only found her death a couple of days ago. I already have loads of certs on order but I really want this one too, it will be the next one I order. I have put her in my tree. God bless all our little angel babies xx