Genealogy Chat

I had contact a few weeks ago, via this site, and we definately WERE related. Her father was the cousin of my grandmother. I sent all the info I had on that line, she sent me nothing and I never heard from her again. I can't understand why not. We could obviously help each other so much! I had info going back to the 1800's that she didn't have and she had info coming into the 1900's that I didn't have. WHY did she contact me if she was unwilling to share her info? It makes me mad and spoils it for anyone else I may conatct as I won't give my info away so easily ever agin!!! Sam x

Gosh! Bet you feel a bit better now, eh, Peter? But I DO agree with you. You need to find your rellies yourself. Even if I am given a whole tree (and that's as rare as hen's teeth, in my experience) I hyave to retrace the steps the researcher took before I feel these relatives are MINE. In a way, this is giving our ancestors the respect they deserve and it is one of the reasons why I am so reluctant to part with information unless I KNOW there is a definite, proven connection - it is disrespectful to my ancestors to allow them to be tagged willy-nilly onto someone else's tree unless they really belong there. Olde Crone

Hear Hear Peter! I went and found the graves of my great grandparents, great great grandparents and gr gr gr grandparents last Friday. Stood next to their graves, touched there headstones, and had a lil chat, even tho other people around thought Id gone loopy. :) What a sense of achievement and loss i found after searching for them. It's all about people, not names. The majority of peeps on this site are genuinely good eggs though. Dont let namegrabbers get you down, and if anyone doesnt say thanks or is being ignorant just shrug, feel sorry for them and get on with that investigation that makes all this worthwhile.

Hi Peter Just to say I totally agree with your sentiments. I do still give out info. and I try to help people where I can.. But I know that the satisfaction I felt when I first discovered the info. will not be repeated in quite the same way when it is received 2nd hand. Cheryl

Oh dear! Peter....:-(( Sorry you feel 'used' but I do know where your coming from. I love my dead rellies. I love to find out about thier lives. I love being able to 'dig em up' so to speak, to remember them but... ....you will not get rid of the 'Info grabbers' the date and name collectors! It's thier loss!....just enjoy your hobby....Enjoy resurecting your rellies :-))) 'info grabbers' are the minority.... Happy searching Peter :-))) Hope you feel better for getting that of ya chest. Gerri x

From guidelines:- The Rules Please don’t communicate anything that is, or could be considered, abusive, vulgar, offensive or threatening – your behaviour must be polite, patient, and not intended to cause (or capable of causing) trouble or offence to other members.

And why are people DESPERATE to get info? Ros

Feel better now, Peter? I agree. Anne

Do you ever get tired of the twenty word initial message, (if they can be bothered to write that much) 'My Uncles milkman was called bert, born in Scotland in the 1800's, are we connected' or 'Your William Smith may be related to me' can I see your Family Tree.' Though that is usually kept till the second letter.......................................................................................Why, Why, Why, when people give the least amount of info, even in their initial info grabbing short message, expect YOU to spend a good deal of time and effort on them. (You owe it them) Only for them, if you are lucky, to give you a 'Oh thanks for that' AND OFF THEY GO, NEVER TO CONTACT YOU AGAIN........... YOU have to spend time and effort even to work out what it is they are on about in the first place. And as soon as they have sucked as much info as they can get, useually by requesting a 'Tree Viewing'. What Tiny, Tiny scrappit of info they have, is kept tightly between the cheeks of their backside and they waddle off into the sunset. TOO many times, TOO many people have been on the 'Info grab' with me. They are like a black hole of information. Sucking in years and years of hard slogged for genealogy information and they have never even heard of the Free BMD or the LDS IGI site. No of course not, their searching skills are next to nothing. totally undeveloped. To me is what all Genealogy is about. SEARCHING and FINDING people. developing ones searching skills, utillising the various web sites, local records office etc. Developing a skill. Then you find the relatives you are seeking, it is far far rewarding.................................................................................... The people you come accross and contact are like FELLOW MOUNTAINEERS, they can help, guide and climb with you up the Genealogy mountain we decide to traverse. BUT NOT ON OUR BACKS. You have to do the climbing! GenesReunited should consider having a profile section. 100 words about yourself. Then people will get an idea as to what to contact you with. Wether to contact you at all.. TOO many selfish people,TOO many selfish people with undeveloped searching skills. That is what has developed over the years. A good 90% of those I have come accross have been a complete waste of time and effort. . The 'Quick fix', the 'Info grabber' the NAME and DATE collector. They want lists and lists of names and dates of their relations as quick and easy as they can. BUT what they don't realise is, you can only ever find these relatives the once. You can only ever find these relatives the once. I'LL repeat it again; You can only ever find these relatives the once. It is only when YOU find these people by YOUR own efforts do you get to know these long gone relatives. THEN they come ALIVE again in your life, then they actually mean something to you. You can FEEL them as PART OF your roots. Collecting names and dates of Relatives off other people that are VERY SOON FORGOTTEN ABOUT. Can't you see the shame of it?. the shame is to find out about these people, these unknown, forgotten people, only to forget about them in five minutes flat. WHAT is the point in that. IT's the difference between writing something out and just reading it. Or actually touring Austrailia for 21 days with all the people, sights, sounds, places and never to be forgotten experiences or just seeing a few glossy pictures in a travel agency magazine. People need to think about WHO they want to find, WHY they want to find them, and HOW they should go about it. WHO they contact should come into it as should WHY. Try and think about the people you contact!. Viewing your Family Tree MAY not be the 'Crown Jewels' you think it is. The easy way of finding your relatives may well not be the best way in the long term. YOU have the rest of your life to find these people, it isn't a race!