Genealogy Chat

Heather No, no, don't despair - banana milkshakes are tremendously nutritious and it sounds as if you have enough there for a week's worth of meals. Rather clever of you, I'd say. OC

LOL Heather!!! I have been so good today, I have even defrosted the freezer....Oh ok, it is sitting in the garden defrosting itself while I am on the computer, but hubby wont know that when he comes in later! As far as he will be concerned I have been out there with a plastic scraper for.....Ooooh at least three hours!! Fuzzy x

Well, teach me to concentrate when I do my Tesco on line ordering, wont it. Did the order, looked at GR, hubby enters, I minimise back to Tescos, hubby says 'Can you order some bananas to go with me Wheetabix?' Slightly flustered, having nearly been caught out, I enter bananas in the search while he is standing there, It ask me how many I want, so I enter 7 - that enough for him for a week. 'Ok, I say, triumphantly thinking he is going to think me sitting here is really very useful 'thats done'. Tesco man just turned up, chatted, left, I start sorting the bags out with Ralph Terriers help - what have I got??? 7 bananas??? NO, I have 7 BAGS of children treat size bananas. What an idiot. So the bloke who just delivered my new compost bins got a bag, the bloke cutting next doors hedge has got 2 to take home to his kids. Ive tried to force one on elderly neighbour two doors down but (oh God) she took out her top set of teeth to show me her gums are too sore for bananas. Ah well,

I did mean to congratulate a previous poster on the pile of junk in a corner with a throw over it technique and would like to add further to that. When your OH/MIL casts a disapproving eye on it and says when are you going to do something about that lot, put on your prissiest face and say 'Its called tough love - I am trying to teach them the consequences of their actions and help their future partners. I want them all to be self reliant when I AM NO LONGER HERE' This last bit will bring your MIL up short (your OH wont notice it). She will think you have some terminal illness, feel terribly guilty at her delight at this news and be nice to you for years. HOME COOKING Buy ready prepared meals etc, but before you put them in the freezer, remove the wrappers and labels and decant them into various other containers which you have saved. Cover with cling film and label - voila! Home cooked food. They will never know the difference, particularly if that is all they have ever had anyway!Takes a few minutes, but you could do this while waiting for computer to boot up. You could also say that you read a most interesting article which says that hot food is very bad for you and the family is going to live on sandwiches from now on. Crush up the odd vitamin tablet and add it to sandwich fillings if you're worried about their health. HOUSE BOUND HUSBANDS Jigsaws - not for everyone, I admit, but when it works, it keeps them at the dining table. Darling, you have had such an interesting life/career at the gasworks, why dont you write your autobiography? This would be a wonderful thing to add to my family history research and the grandchildren would adore reading it - why, you could even try to get it published. Not many men could resist that. OC

ohhhhhhhhhh Heather..my grocery deliveries are only the tip of the iceberg,,,i actually shop on line too,so i dont have to spend time in the shops,,,so no impulse buying,,,less money spent on petrol. - which means more money left for certs,,gotta be worth a few points,,, I might have to ask Merry to help me out a bit.. Kate :)

Recommended.... Have a son/daughter home from Uni for the summer hols. Hopefully they will need 'something' that costs money, in my son's case driving lessons. Offer to pay in exchange for housework duties but remember they wont do it as well as you did before you got into this hobby....But anything is better than nothing! If you don't have above child borrow one from a friend or neighbour. Chris :))) Who must get son out of bed....The house needs a good hoover!

Im on a similar scam but with dieting. Hubby has commented on me putting on 2.5 stones in last 3 years so - empty cupboards and when he whinges, I just say well if they are full Id be eating and getting fatter. And sorry Kate, home delivery of shopping is really on the beginners basic course - you need to prove further experience in such techniques as olde Crone's 'Ive been on night shift' moves to get to an advanced level.

Heather... I already have the groceries dumped at the front door so will this be enough for me to enrol in the advanced class... I do hope so and i am practicing on all the other tips...But no one has mentioned the cooking side of this,,,thats easy,,you are now on a health kick...no bickies ,no cakes,no pies,no pastries..NO BAKING,,,,,more time to be on PC.,(hope this tip secures me a place in the class,,,, Kate,,

Oh yes - full use of disabilities is encouraged - in the case of hard hearted hubbies I would resort to mentioning 'women's troubles' in a hushed tone - that should see them off. Meanwhile, though my hand is shaking at the thought of it, I shall now click off from the internet and FINALLY get the accounts stuff ready for our boring accountant bloke to pick up. AND Ive got Tescos delivery coming any time now (that is one of my basic tips - dont waste time shopping when they can dump it on the doorstep for you). See you later.

Heather Sorry, I was pegging washing out. It's OK just towels, no ironing involved PMSL No, dont think I had better resort to that, I want him to walk eventually not knock him off his feet. I do get arthritis in my back and hips. Sometimes it can get quite bad. I must admit, if I feel lazy I make out its worse than it is and say I need a days complete rest. What better rest than sitting on the sofa with the laptop. Can that be slotted into your avoiding housework manual? Margaret

Mmm, Margaret, you have a particularly troublesome OH there - I mean I get all that stuff when my OH is at home but then I do get 8 hours break a day from it. I shall consult my program facilitators to see if we can produce special guidelines for cases like this. I suppose laudenham is out of the question?

Spray polish on the lightbulb - when light is switched on, heat activates smell, seems like you've spent all day polishing. Learned this at my mother's knee (shows what an intelligent family I'm descended from)!

Heather I've got one of those, I have showed him how it works, but all he said was that his computer screen was dusty and could I use it on that. LOL I must admit I just have a blitz on the dreaded house**** word once a week. I do do the tumble dryer thing to save on ironing, trouble is he shouts out 'why have you got the dryer on when its a lovely sunny day?' Think I'm going to have to have one of those blitz days today. OUCH Heather stop hitting me, I didnt swear did I? Margaret

Margaret, well make the most of it, but I think you need to master some of the advanced techniques in preparation for his full recovery. Meanwhile, as he is so dust conscious - have you seen those little Mr Sheen feathery dusters you fix to an extending pole thing? He wouldnt even need to move from his zimmer to use it. You could bring it home and tell him that you have been asked to take part in a market survey to check its effectiveness - hand him the pole, give him the box of duster things and ask him to write a comprehensive report on their effectiveness. That should keep him busy for a couple of hours a day.

Thanks Heather, all ideas gratefully received. Heather

My husband has retired too, but through ill health. He has been out of hospital for 6 weeks after 5 months as a patient. (Spinal Op). He is, at the moment, wheelchair bound but has started to walk with a zimmer. The point of me telling you this is that he cannot get upstairs yet. So, I can get away with not cleaning up there. Dont do my daughters bedroom anyway, thats her problem she is 19. The bathroom is clean, mostly. Has to be hygenic doesnt it. Downstairs, he has the front room as a bedroom at the moment. There is so much stuff in there, bed, wheelchair, computer (for his use I have my laptop), TV etc, there is no room to do much cleaning. He doesnt come into the kitchen as their is a step down into it. So, as I have laminate floors and a ceramic one in the kitchen its a quick run round with a duster mop thingy. Have a dishwasher anyway. He did comment on the dust on the surfaces the other week, cheeky b****r, I'll have to teach him to walk one handed with a zimmer and a duster on the other. My excuse? Dont have time to dust, too busy looking after you!! Margaret

Heather - in your particular case - hopefully old man is of non computer techi type. In which case you revert to the 'use of OH lack of computer knowledge' process. Hoover on, duster in hand, you at computer yes? He walks in - I hope you have mastered the minimising technique - you look at him in a panicky wide eyed way - ' Help! I was just hoovering and the speakers on this alerted me to a worm invasion - have you any idea how to erradicate them?' If, unfortunately he has retired from being Head of IT at Microsoft then you should really invest in at least one of the advanced warning devices mentioned earlier.

Talking of kids - another good tip re COBWEBS if you have student children OR children in their teens/20s/30s/40s/50s/ - OR possibly an OH who looks a gentle/ageing hippy type. If areas of your house resemble Debenham's Christmas Grotto due to unabated spider activity - and a visitor is fighting their way through the strands - you shake your head in a world weary way and comment 'Its been like this since xxxxxxxxxxxx converted to Buddhism' and then sigh. Oh and that is also a useful excuse for quickly lighting a joss stick when someone knocks at the door. Get the stronger essence ones - its worth the extra cost - all ciggie/dog/cat/non-emptied kitchen bins smells are masked immediately.

Special help and advice needed for those of us whose husbands have retired. I've been caught out sitting here with a duster in my hand and also with the vacuum cleaner switched on.. Heather

My tip involve your children as much as possibe especially at awkward momments. It is half past seven. Do you want to use the bathroom before I have a bath. Could you bring down your dirty clothes so I can wash them. It is a lovely day for putting them on the line? Do ypu think you could put all your guitar bits/computer bits on the bed so I can vacumn? This produces one of four reactions.. 1. Don't bother I'll do it myself . Problem solved. 2. Nothing done (perfect alibi). 3. Washing downstairs - five minutes to put in washing machine. It can then be left on the line as proof of housewifely duties done Vacumning five minues. . 4. You're so lazy. Why can't you do it. (true). Time for righteous indignation. Why is it my job. You are six, sixteen, twenty-six.. I didn't marry the house.