Genealogy Chat

All the nice girls like a sailor, Glen! I know that my many ag lab ancestors may have led just as interesting lives, but I don't know their heights, hair colour, if they had tattooes, whether they smoked, exactly where they were on any given day and what the weather was like. What their diet might have been. When they had to scrub their hammocks, or rush up and down theship from one end to another to prevent it from sinking.... One shouldn't have favourites, but I do have a soft spot for all my sailors.

Hi Jill I have had quite a lot of info right from his days in the navy,through his appointment to the coastguard service,and followed the census returns and birth certs for various children throughout his life. All my contributors of photographs.Kew and FRC look ups seem to be heading for this thread,George seems to have an attraction even now (lucky b**ger). Just that four years from 1839 to 1843 to look at more closely. Glen

Why do I feel like a snoop, reading the last few postings?! OC

I'd wondered why one of my twigs ended up in the North East when he was born in Norfolk. Found his naval records on the internet - the Royal Navy - and it gave me the coastguard details. I expect you've already tried this, but just in case ... Jill

Just a thought on those childless years, Glen: My coastguard ancestor had five year gaps between children. I found a birth in 1841 in Plymouth, registered 31 May by the dad. On the census, there's Mum, kids, monthly nurse... and no Dad. He's back on Romney Marsh! So far as I can judge, they spent well over five years separated like that, with him accepting new postings only if they were closer to home. I have no idea whether his postings had no married accomodation or if she refused to move out of county, but it seems a very hard life, almost as bad as a sailor's family.

Horatia In total George had 9 children,but he certainly outlived two of them maybe three. Six via his first wife Ann Goulson and three with Jane Watson Muir. The first marriage was in 1839 nr Grantham,but the first child was Lucy born in 1843 near to Lindisfarne in Northumberland. I suspect i have maybe missed an earlier birth/births,unless George and Ann were very disciplined it seems a long time to be married without children. It may be that they had a child (or children) who didn't survive but i'm not sure when they moved North East,and nothing from 1839-41 seems to stand out. I wish i could meet him,the tales he could tell,seafarers,smugglers,laughter and tears.I bet he could entertain for hours with stories both amusing and sad. Glen

Glen, Actually, although it is his third wife that I am related to, I find myself quite interested in George for his own sake now. Especially when I am in contact with one of his direct descendants!!. I don't think I have asked this before but how many children did George have and were they from his first or second wives? I know he didn't have any children with my Maria. They were in the twilight of their years by then and it was a FIRST marriage for Maria. She must have given up hope of ever marrying then along comes your George Hay who had experienced great sadness, having lost two wives and hopefully, my Maria made him happy again. Cheers, Horatia

Hi Glen, Just back from sunny Portugal and having a quick look on the boards before doing a stack of ironing!! I so relate to this, I too am a bit too soft, nothing to do with the genealogy, but I have just collected my cat from the cattery where he has spent the last two weeks (and will spend the next two weeks sulking as I had the audacity to leave him whilst I was sunning on the beach). For the next two weeks I will be looking after my friends two cats whilst he is on holiday, I now have to drive across town every day to feed them and clean their tray, MUG I am eh?!!! Think problem is you are too nice, you hit the nail on the head re doing so much initially and now she expects you to continue with it. This is what happened with the cats I offered one year and now I am stuck with it!! Agree with OC's approach as in that you should politely point out that you have all the expensive involved in doing your own tree and tell her how she can go about doing the research for herself, all the while telling her how much more satisfying it is when you find the info for yourself. Hope the complication with Mrs Tinsel after the op has resolved itself and she is feeling 100% soon. Fuzzy x

Well Horatia As you well know,we have shared quite a bit of information for 'our' George,but the photographs were a very nice touch. Six months ago i didn't know his name,or the fact he was my 2xg g/f. Now i live only 20 minutes from the streets he walked when he was my age,have pictures of his houses,his gravestone and know so much more about him than many folks know about their own grandparents,yet the only time i have met another of his descencants she handed me to a foster mother for adoption (and i was only weeks old). The photographs mean he lived,and through whatever means i am here because of him. I know that might sound strange,but to know so much about someone born nearly 200 years ago,from birth to beyond his death with lots inbetween makes me feel proud of my success in my search.Not everything is down to me,but it would be a far more difficult task without help. It is nice to know people can and do help regardless of connections,and for that i am always grateful,but as for my friend,let's just say she will miss a lot of the 'magic' unless she alters her outlook and attitude.Maybe i was too good with my initial work for her and that was my downfall. Glen

Hi Glen, No need to feel guilty. Here is an example of not being a user and being a user. The couple who sent you the gravestone photo (twas me folks) were in that part of the country and looking for the same grave. So helping you cost us nothing. I wanted the grave for my own research. I took a digital photo which cost me nothing. I sent it to you which cost me nothing as I have an internet account. You never asked for the photo. I knew the grave was your relation's headstone as well as my relation's headstone so it made sense to share. However, if you send for their marriage certificate, that is going to cost you money (£7) and I would be happy to pay half if you get hold of it. I think that is fair because I have a half interest. Happy to give you half of the certificate money Glen, so if you get hold of it and send it my way, I shall write a cheque for £3.50 and it won't bounce! ;-) Cheers, Horatia

Thanks everyone I do feel a whole lot better with my decision,some of the help i mentioned earlier is from contributors to this thread and they know i am grateful,and they know they are also acknowledged on my website. It is the least i can do to mention the help they have given and to show the results of THEIR work,(admittedly i did belatedly ask permission on one occassion to use some photographs which was a mistake). I also take comfort that although the site isn't the best presented,the quality of research is (in my opinion) good,and the direct lines are pretty well proven and documented.Furthermore most of those who have contributed have access to the site and can see how much the information has added to my knowledge and history. The presentation isn't the best,but the quality beats quantity anyday.(Blokes aren't the most 'artistic' so any suggestions for FTM homepage presentation would be gratefully recieved) Glen

OC Thats awful... That is the perfect case..of a USER... so much for it being Sentimental.. Sentimentality does'nt come into it.. where money like that is concerned.. Maybe you should of said I would buy that off you for XXX AMOUNT OF POUNDS IF YOU EVER SELL IT..Then you may have had it brought back.. Mo You have me wondering now what a pair of First World War Binoculars are worth..in a case... Hrmmmm.. Case a bit battered he was with the Royal Artillery..and they are the Binocs he used in the field..in France.... Ohh just had a thought...I could even supply his Photo.. Sentimental to me.. Lol Mo

This is slightly off topic as it isnt about genealogy, but it IS about users. I buy and sell secondhand jewellery and I have built up quite a lot of knowledge over the years. People often ask me for valuations and I always used to give these freely along with whatever information I had. A young woman approached me recently with a most unusual and beautiful brooch. I rarely get excited by jewellery these days but this one rang my bell for me! She had taken it to several local Jewellers who had all said it was rubbish but I just KNEW it wasnt. She said she didnt want to sell it as it was her Grandmother's, just wanted to know something about it. I spent three days of my own time and money tracking down the origins of this brooch which turned out to be the extremely rare Newlyn Enamel and was one of only 12 pieces made by this particular man. I photocopied about 30 pages of stuff (photocopies arent free, just in case anyone thinks they are!) wrote copious notes of my discussions with various experts and so on. She thanked me nicely (but did not offer any money). I said to her - if you ever decide to sell this brooch, please give me first refusal, I will give you whatever you want for it. Again she said no, she would never sell it, it had far more sentimental value than monetary and we left it at that. Imagine my incandescent fury then, when I opened the local paper some six months later to discover 'Rare and valuable Newlyn Enamel brooch sells at Auction for £650 WITH PROVENANCE' (My b**** notes!) . My only comfort was that I would have given her FAR more than that for it. Since then, when asked for valuations I say 'I charge £10 per hour'. Funny - no-one wants one then. OC

Yes Glen .. you feel that someone else has done part of bits and pieces.. but who has done the main body of the work.. You.. (I source all the info I get..so if I get a connection and have been handed a cert.. I make a note of where and Who I got the info from in the first place.. so they get the acknowledgement they deserve and I get a copy Birth Marriage or Death cert.. who I have given full credit for and too in my notes..) Feel proud of your achievements..and the help you have given her..but now it is time for her to find out how hard and time consuming this family research is.. But dont be a sucker..and have USE ME stamped on your forehead.. lol Mo

Just recently i have had some very detailed nd useful info from Kew,looked up by another GR member,and yesterday had a message about some more info which couldn't be scanned and had been photocopied. That is now in the post to me,i feel really cheeky asking for the help,but Kew is a tad far to travel from my home. On a similiar note someone else who has a link also spent a few hours at a graveyard,searched for a headstone and (with help from her hubby) mildly cleaned the stone and photographed it,sent the photo's via e-mail and noted the visible parts of the transcription.,i have also had a few lookups done at the Norfolk Archives. I can't say how grateful i am for this help,but it is safe to say that my coastguard and his son are far far more than a bmd ref in a tree.They are my g g/f and gg g/f,not just a volume and page number. Sadly this friend will never have more than names born abt 1875 or whatever,yet goes green with envy when i say my 2xg g/f served aboard HMS Rattlesnake and spent 3 shillings on tobacco and wax wrappers,left all his bedlinen,earthenware and china to his wife,and lived in a house which is now a B&B in Norfolk. Some of the chase has been done for me,but i have satisfaction that a lot is down to me. I'm addicted,she isn't,maybe that is the difference. Glen

The word USERS springs to mind when I read these posts! I've heard there is a ME generation but this is ridiculous! Thanks for sharing. It's jaw dropping stuff but I can't say I am surprised by people's behaviour, had too many rude people on here to know that it DOES go on, but there are lovely people on here too. Cheers, Horatia

Ann Oh yes.. that is what she thought.. Best bit was she said to me that she was going to Northallerton Records Office..did I want to go with her and her daughter.. as first I declined but she pushed the issue so I said yes.. I had some bits and pieces to do there.. so I met her at Stockton.. The same thing happened that day.. Well if you dont help me I am not going to get all my things done.. do this for me.. find that for me..Because I had gone with her I felt that I had to do it.. Best thing is she did'nt even bat an eyelid that she had upset me.. The only reason She had asked me to go.. was for me to help her with her research.. Needless to say.. I have'nt been returing her calls.. LOL Mo who now books into the records office willy nilly..

Glen about August last year I went to the records office..and on the way there, on the bus this woman asked me if I was going to the Archives.. she had never been before so I walked over with her..she sat next to me and at lunchtime we both went down for lunch.. she was on about her family tree..and to my amazement she pulled out this piece of Wallpaper .. with all her tree on back to Gt Gt Grandparents..and low and behold part of my family was on there..we shared the same Gt Gt Grandparents.. We swapped phone numbers and addresses.. she said she couldnt get to the archives very often..but she came to my house.. and we swapped family info.. Then came the.. well you have access to this census and can you just look me this up.. do me a printout... it costs me every time I do a printout from the library...IT DOES'NT COST YOU ANYTHING... this went on for months... She asked me to put a message on genes to see if there were any contacts..and low and behold someone was searching some of the same lines as her.. I put them in Touch by letter.. she is not on the internet..and the earache I got was no bodies business..well its costing me to do the photocopies its costing me for the postage and Envelopes ..(do you have any I can have) to send all this down to her.. could you not do it for me (the photocopying)... she wants all the info I have.. but its cost me for the certs and things.. I'll come over...I said NO.. Then she started coming to records office every fortnight at first..and then every week.. I only go once a fortnight..but when I was there with her.. I could'nt get on and do my own work..IT WAS can you do this for me and can you do that for me.. this was getting beyond a joke..as the weeks she was there and I was'nt she was managing perfectly fine..(That was one of the reasons I suspended the Durham Lookups thread)...so I changed my day... The best bit was when she offered to do some of the research for this other contact....for her family line...but it was'nt her that was doing it... it was me....She was shouting at me across the records office room.. when your supposed to be quiet as a church mouse..can you just get this for me Mo...Everyone in there must of known my name...LOL.. It is so annoying when other's take you for granted..you don't mind helping people..but she knew her way around the archives.. but she was taking advantage of me.. To tell the truth ..I hope the genes contact that I put her into contact with reads this...as I know she has been sending her money.. So Glen dont do any more for her hun.. The whole thrill of the chase is finding the info out for yourself.. Tell her to have a go.. she can acess Ancestry for free at some of the library's.. just point her in the right direction.. Mo

With all the sympathy you have got from all of us Glen it doesn,t make you feel a lot better does it. Rod

I just used Family Relatives to see how many Gray births there are in the North East 1902-1911 (before mum's name kicks in) I admit I was fairly liberal in my definition of the North East...... oooh.....over 3000 matches!! That should keep her busy! Merry