Genealogy Chat

As a 24/7 carer for my wife, who is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease, I would like to explain how I have overcome the problems associated with memory loss [or dementia]. ALSO, how this has helped me with my Family History Research.

First, I have to explain that being such a carer is not easy,
but there are many pleasurable moments too. One tool I have found very useful is stimulation - I have made a 'Memory Book' for my wife - it includes many family photographs. When she picks the book up, she immediately starts to remember events which happened many years ago - with great accuracy. Family facts pour out, dates, times, or maybe just a story from the past.

This is also valuable information from the past, and very useful to members wanting to know more about their loved one's past.

You have to understand that a person suffering from Alzheimer's or Dementia, only have a problem with their short term memory - like what they had for breakfast, where they went yesterday, what day of the week, date, or time it is.

However, the wonderful bonus is their ability [in most cases] to recall their past memories with great accuracy. THIS is where my "Memory Book" comes to life - my wife looks at the photographs, and can almost immediately start to talk about past times - good and bad, family stories, and many other interesting things. This book works - direct questioning never works.

I hope this helps other members who are trying to obtain information from elderly relatives [with, or without Alzheimer's]

I wish you good luck in your research.

ALSO, should any member find themselves in the same position as me - I am a good listener.

Lovely post Llamedos x

Llamedos, this is such a helpful post I wonder if you would also put it on the thread on General 'Carer's thread' ? Just thought that someone who looks in on that might find it useful.

Rose x

I know a lady of 89 who is suffering memory problems like this. I find that her memory for events that happened years ago is spot on.

Rather than dementia, I like to think that her memory store has filled to overflowing so that there is no capacity to take any more memories in.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

Glad you have taken a negative problem and found a positive aspect to it Llamedos,its good to look on the positive side of life, it makes things much easier, well done on taking care of your wife, and as you say, she is helping you by remembering info from way back.

The best of wishes to you both.

Regards
Sandra

i am just filled with admiration for you and your wife. what a wonderful couple you must be. and i know how had it is to be a full time carer so my heart goes out to you. thanks for sharing this with us and i also am a good listener so if you ever have the need just drop me a line.
cheers linda x

Hi Llamados

Both my mum and my aunt had Alzheimers. Mum died in November. I well know how hard it is. I hope you have used the Alzheimer's website, I might meet you on there!

It is actually amazing what someone with AD can remember, even at quite an advanced stage. My mum told me things that I imagined were rubbish and they turned out to be right.

I have recently commenced doing the family tree of my daughter's fiance. He has two "nans". One is mentally alert, the other has AD. It is amazing how accurate the nan with AD has been with her recollections. The other nan, who is interested in the family history, has often been wildly out, but the AD nan has come up with some stunning gems.

Never write a person off. The past is always there.

Good luck Llamedos. See you on the Alzheimers site.

Margaret

There was a documentary on tv showing how a rest home helped dementia sufferers.

The residents lived in apartments set up as if it was the 50s. A resident was able to do more for herself in this environment because this was what she knew. Even cooking. Obviously the resident was early stage dementia but it was hoped the familiar surroundings would help to cope

A worker told me her father who was an accountant could still add up right until the final stages but couldnt do other newer things. As said its the short term memory that goes first.

This message also posted on General topics - For carer's

Further to my previous message, I have noted that some carer's [on General Topics - Carers] refer to the modest carer's allowance of just under £50 per week, and I would likfe to clarify how you can become eligible for such a benefit.

First of all, any person can claim carer's benefit if they are below retirement age - currently just under £50 per week - even though the person requiring the caring does not live with them, and they can be quite a distance away from each other. The benefit is not means tested, or taxable. HOWEVER, if the applicant for carer's allowance is in receipt of their Old Age Pension, they can still apply, but the carer's benefit will be classed as a 'compensating benefit' and their OAP will be reduced by the amount of the carer's benefit they receive.....in other words, you are no better off. Worse still, any reduction in their OAPension will effect any further percentage increases. Social Services state that being in receipt of a Carer's Allowance opens 'other doors' to more benefits - to date. I have not found any benefit I can claim - with or without carer's Allowance.

The only help I have received from Social Services for my wife has been an additional stair rail, and the hire of a bathing aid.

Social workers have suggested that I persue my hobby of painting, to give me some respite, , and they will provide a person to sit-in whilst I'm at the classes - that's OK.

Got an application to join the local authorities painting classes, and find I will have to fund the full cost [approx £120] myself - no reduction for being a carer, pensioner. HOWEVER, if I had just been released from prison, I could join the painting class for FREE!

Thankfully, we can manage without such help, but there are others who need that bit of support, and sadly, they are not getting it.

Just think how much the governemt are saving every year by NOT having to pay any benefits to those carer's over pensionable age - plus we are saving the government from the cost of care.

I hope the above will help some carers in getting what they deserve.

Finally, I am my wife's carer 24/7 because I love her, and I know she would do the same for me, if the situation was reversed. We laugh and cry together, we have good days, and not so good days, but we both think life is precious, and start and end of every day with a kiss and cuddle - magic

Llamedos I have always said who cares for the carers ,,I agree what you say about the carers allowance is disgusting as if they were in care home it woud cost at least n£350 week or more so thats £300 + the goverment save by family looking after them ,,
,they should do more for carers ;;;good on you dear doing what you do for love
I have been there with couple of members of my family that I have cared for now I need care its waste time hubby putting in for allowance for the reasons you have said ;;
And yes my uncles could remember years ago better than yesterday or who I was

Babs

I'm writing to thank all members who have kindly responded to my original message, and thougt you might like an up-date. The "Memory Book" I have made for my wife is working REALLY WELL! She looks at it every day, and brings so much memories flowing back. This, in turn, improves her perspective, and makes her more positive. I also use other methods - one being that of DIVERSION - if something upsets her, I try to divert her mind to something else - maybe another memory we both share, or as a last resort - the Memory Book - both work! I try 101% to work WITH her - rather than AGAINST her - this means not confronting her, or trying to prove a point - its not worth it......just agree with her - go with the flow - suggestion is the word! Life is for living, and we all have to make the most of it, day by day. We are not unique, we have our moments like last night my wife said she would put the dishwasher on - great - gives her some independence - unfortuinately, she put a Washing capsule in the dishwasher - instead of a dishwasher tablet - result next morning - a flooded very frothy kitchen floor - we both laughed, and started to clean up. The list is endless, leaving lights on, not turning taps off, putting all the rubbish in our kitchen bin - then emptying the bag into the bin! Mislaying keys, money, spectacles, and all sorts of other things.

Life is still GREAT! We have to get on with life as it is - just think POSITIVE.

Finally, teletext said yesterday that there has been a great breakthrough in a new drug for Alzheimer's - I hope its true, and the government get it approved sap. The last research which gave hope was in 2006 when reasearch at [I think] Glasgow university came up with a similar drug, but NIC E said we would have to wait until it had been tested before release.....that's interesting - there are a lot of Alzheimer's sufferers, and cares who would willingly take part in a trial of the drugs - we have noting to lose.....the governemt have everything to gain by reducing the financing of care.

Thanks to every member who has written a message of support - its nice to know you are not on your own during such difficult times.

I hope my 'Memory Book' will help others, as it has done for my wife - there are many treasures there waiting to be released - believe me - I am constantly surprised at the comments which my wife comes out with whilst looking through the photographs, even if they are not important, these momments turn into a meaningful conversation which is beneficial for both of us.

Finally, as there is another thread on Carer's, I will delete this one in a short while - unless other members think I should not do so.

Best wishes to all carer's and their partners.

Well done - your wife is a lucky lady!

Llamedos, I wouldn't delete this thread. Not everybody reads every board. Just add a link here to the other thread or give the title so people can go searching.

Best wishes and good luck to you & your wife. I also found photographs a wonderful resource with my mother. My sister had a lovely photograph of her parents framed for her. It was taken when she was a young girl. It was hung on the wall near her bed & she loved it.

Ozi.

My son is taking part in a sponsored bike ride for this charity, the details are on the general board.
Liz

Don't forgot that anyone over 65 can claim attendance allowance

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/FinancialSupport/DG_10012425

the higher rate is £67 a week. It is not means tested at all.everyone is entitled to it even if they have lots of savings. It is very easy to apply for and it doesn't affect any other benefits unlike carers allowance

In addition Attendance Allowance is not taxable. You can still claim it even if no-one is actually attending to you (but clearly Llamedos is caring for his wife). Once there is a diagnoses of Alzheimer's Disease (and other severe mental conditions) you can also apply for Council Tax Disregard (not sure how it works with a couple).

I'd encourage everyone to claim anything they are entitled to as my parents paid all their "dues" and got very little help from the state in their later years. My hubby and I have paid tons more, and whilst I appreciate that is how the system works I hope people get the benefits that I am paying for.

Margaret

We have been assessed for carers support. Here in New Zealand I can enroll for day care for my OH in a suitable resthome (he promptly said NO, doesnt want to go into a resthome, but doc and I pointed out that it is just for a day or part thereof to give me time to go to dentist/hairdresser/visit my friends or whatever, things I cant do with him in tow). I think we have to make a small payment to the resthome.
I can also have respite care if I can find somebody to come here and stay with OH while I get away for a few days. The person who comes will receive some sort of payment, not sure how much. Only problem is that we live 25mins from town so it is not easy to find anybody to stay here. I think I might have found a suitable person though if he is willing to do it. He is taking OH for 2 hour walks on a Friday morning. OH loves walking so the person staying would need to be able to take him walking, which my sister wouldnt, although she would be willing to stay.
I bought a small photo album recently and will be scanning a lot of his old photos from his youth in England plus some of the ones he/we have taken since he arrived in NZ. I will get them printed for the book. He does often look through the boxes of photos that we have. I might put labels on slips of thin card to slip in behind each photo so that if he cant remember who/where he or the person with him can look to see.
Huia.

Hi everyone, many thanks for your support - because of this I have decided not to close this thread - thanks again.

I have not sent a message for a while - this is due to my caring role has been very much in demand over the last week or so- life has not been very good for me [or my wife], but that's not her fault - Alzheimer's is the problem.

At the moment, whatever I do is wrong, and all I get is a lots of aggression, and stress - something I can do without, as my own health is far from good. The memory book helps immensively in the home, because it distracts her for a while, but I get lots of aggro when I take her shopping, and whilst out of our home there is no option but to grin and bear it. However, today has been very much better - fingers crossed!

Llamedos, like you I have bad days when I dont get anything done. Some nights I am woken so often that I finish up in tears and they can last all day. I must get around to enrolling husband for day care in town so that when I want to go shopping/to the dentist/visiting a friend I dont have to drag my husband along with me. He did go with me to my class reunion last Saturday. He has never liked big gatherings but he put up with it, although he kept asking if we could go for a walk. He finally sat in our vehicle and went to sleep, but I had to keep glancing out the window to make sure he was still there. But I did enjoy my day.

Huia.