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As well as the 'URGENT' postings that seem to lose interest if they don't get an instant response (I mean those who give up after 10 minutes) I'm a bit cross about people who delete a request when it hasn't been responded to after a couple of hours, but then post it again a day or so later. I'm annoyed about this because I was in a position to help with one, but it meant trawling the 1841 census (not name indexed) & by the time I'd found the info she'd deleted the thread. I didn't post 'hang on I'm looking' as I didn't want to get her hopes up if I couldn't find them. I was so cross I didn't respond when she asked for exactly the same look-up the next day. That one also disappeared. And its not just one person whos done this recently, some names just seem to stick in the memory...

Betty I do look-ups on this site. As well as the requests I get on my thread, I get hundreds by PM. I spend many hours per day between PMs and my thread. It is very time consuming but I enjoy helping fellow researchers. It would be nice if people who ask for look-ups would just be a little patient. Anne ROSALYN BARCLAY here is the look-up you mentioned earlier on this thread which you said you hadn't got a reply to yet. I posted it yesterday! ROSALYN BARCLAY sorry no match for the marriage. there is one match the birth but probably too early to be yours. Anne HAMILTON, Joan Anderson Christening Gender: Female Birth Date: 22 Apr 1849 Birthplace: , Glasgow, Lanark, Scotland Recorded in: Glasgow, Lanarkshire, Scotland Father: James HAMILTON Mother: Agnes HEXTON Source: FHL Film 102923 + Dates: 1832 - 1856

I belong on another genealogy forum and yesterday we had a Live Q & A Session with a military expert. He was absolutely brilliant but when I look at the threads of the 58 questions he answered - there are quite a few where the questioner didn't even thank him. Bad manners in my view! Civility costs nothing but buys EVERYTHING! Cheers, Horatia

Hi Anne, I know you as Anne from Scotland, I know you do a lot of lookups for people and a great many of them appreciate what you have done for them including myself. I noticed you too were upset by a pm someone sent you, in fact I sent you a wee note on your thread saying how sorry I was that someone had upset you by doing this. (hope you got it) Betty

Hello, I am guilty of being impatient, as I am sure some of us are, so I would like to apologise for that. If anyone has been annoyed by my deleting I am really sorry. Anne, I've thanked you before and I'll thank you again. You are a gem to GR and if it weren't for you I would'nt have got as much info as I have. Thank You. Kirsten

Hi Horacia, Thats all people ask for on here, that a bit of time and consideration, a thank you, is all that is needed. I would never request a lookup of any kind with thanking the person who has spent time doing it for me. Betty

Betty I did get your message, thank you. I really do think that people who ask for look-ups have no idea how much time is involved in each one I do. Anne

Hi Kirsten Gold, Very Nice message to Anne you added to my thread. I am not sure if Anne will see it though, she may not come back on to my thread to read it. Maybe you can also add it to her thread she has on at the moment for lookups. Betty

Kirsten thank you for your message. When I did your look-ups you certainly were not impatient! You always came back with a 'thank you'. Anne

Hi Betty Boo and Anne, I felt a pang of guilt when I read the thread. I am always polite and I always thank people, but sometimes I am alittle impatient, particularly when I'm doing a thread. I think some of us sometimes forget the effort and time some people put into looking up for others. Whilst I appreciate people finding census look ups and the like, sometimes I feel quite insecure when certain members question why/what exactly I am looking for, this sort of makes me doubt my thread and then I delete it. I won't name name's but on my first message someone asked why I was doing this. I've never been confident asking for help to this person since. Sometimes some people seem to be just as hostile as some are ignorant. I hope I didn't offend anybody. Kirsten

Hi Kirsten, I think when you are new to the site, as I was several months ago, you ask for help with a lookup and you may not understand why the person asks why are you looking for such and such!! Sometimes you don't write the request clearly or in the correct way and it's not easy for them to understand what you want. It can well be that they need a fuller picture of what you are asking for and why so they can find exactly what you want. I felt so stupid when I started and didn't know anything and asked some weard questions. After you have been on here for a while you will get to know everyone is just trying to help you by giving advise etc. They do know far, far more than we do because they have been doing this for years and years. Betty

Hi Betty, I agree with you there. Some people are asking for your benefit to get a bigger picture, but sometimes I have seen people get quite nasty replies. I remember asking for some help trying to find my gt grandmother's death and someone asked what was the point, it wouldn't help much, why did I want to find it, etc. Whilst some questions were relevent, I didn't think those were and that can affect someone like me who's using family research as a main focus after suffering some emotional problems. Kirsten

Hi again Kirsten, I am sorry to hear you have been ill, I do hope you continue to do you research with Genes Reunited, I am sure you will make many friends here, well look you have me already!!!! I know many more people will get to know you well in the future, don't let what has happened upset you too much. Just think there are thousands of people on this website from all over the world, there is bound to be one or two who you will find it hard to get along with. All the rest will help you as best as they can because they are a great bunch of people on here, wishing you well for the future. Betty

As usual I think sometimes its too easy to hit the ''update'' or ''send'' key without thinking too much about what you say, or the way you say it. I'm as guilty as anyone of doing this, and often go back & edit my reply when I've read it a couple of times Its very easy to ask a question in a way that implies the original query was silly... Usually if you know WHY someone is asking for something, it can help work out an alternative way of getting at a solution, if the first (or most obvious) route isn't possible for some reason. (that sounds very convoluted doesn't it!) For example, if you ask for an 1841 census lookup, many of the people having discs for these don't have name indexes, so its time-consuming trawling a vast area. If you want the information hoping for an accurate age or place of birth, its not going to help you, because this information is not given on the 1841. It can sound rude pointing this out if you've already said so loads of times and you're trying to do it as quickly and concisely as possible.

Hi Vicky, Thanks for explaining this, and I hope Kirsten reads it. I was trying to tell her about this but you have said it a whole lot better. Thanks for the information about the disc, I never knew about this either. Betty

Yes thank you ladies and gents. Do the people who own the disks have some of the quarters that are missing from ancestry.co.uk?

Thank you Betty and Vicky. What you have said makes me feel so much better, I understand you both now. I appreciate it. I better get off the computer now. Have boyfriend complaining this is all I ever do! Kirsten

Hi Kirsten, Glad you are feeling better now, hope you also notices the message to you from Anne of Scotland on my thread, as you are going off now maybe you can check it tomorrow. Betty

To reply to Bethany's query - do you mean Birth/Marriage/Death registration indexes? These are not available on disc. If you mean the beta trial, did you know you can browse by year/quarter as well as using the search? or put in a name near the one you want & page up or down. But yes there are some pages missing. I'd always start off looking at free sites like FreeBMD (only up to 1910-ish, and not complete) because this narrows down the amount you need to spend on the pay sites like 1837online and familyrelatives. Some registration areas have put their BMD info on-line, but they don't give you the GRO reference, you would need to get the certificate from them (or use the date as a guide to look at 1837 or whatever) To find what's available, google UKBMD or look at the website guides on here. Don't order a certificate anywhere that charges more than £7 !!!

I wouldn't have got so far with my family history if it wasn't for all the fantastic people on this site. I'm happy to share any information or knowledge I've picked up with others. But recently I wanted to find a thread I'd posted and clicked on Your Threads Only. Blimey - there were loads of requests - many headed URGENT or PLEEEASSEE HELP! etc which the original poster had not come back to read. Possibly they sent private messages of thanks, but I was staggered - if you really want to know, you'd come back, wouldn't you? And then, every so often, I get a private message that says something like 'I know he was married before 1918 because my mother's sister remembers going to the wedding.' and I have no idea what they are on about!!!!!!! nell, taking this opportunity to say sorry if I have offended in this way.