Find Ancestors

Thank you ladies :-D

We all seem to be of the same opinion.....politeness costs nothing and is to be preferred :-D

Hi Just read through this and agree with everyone.It's nice to be nice.

I have been on the receiving end of an abrupt comment which annoyed me more than anything else.

But I did get help from someone else and I replied both by PM and on my post.

I replied on my post for two reasons to publicly thank the person who had helped and to say na na na na na nah to the person who wasn't nice as I was proven correct in my assumptions.

Please someone PM me the board police's name as I am in the dark and feel left out.

hey guys... have just got back from 3 weeks in australia and is catching up with all the posts...

potty first off.. well said.... a simply thank you never hurts..

and this thread is brilliant...... has keep me entertained for ages......

i have also read some comments that have been posted to people asking for help.. me included and have felt like asking this particular person what his/her problem is... he/she has at times been very abrupt and cold with his comments and questions....
:-D

Thanks Guys!

I agree with Cynthia you were polite and not abrupt

Found it and had a look Potty. I don't think you were abrupt at all - you were polite in your comments and right to point out that the OP hadn't acknowledged the work done last year.

Now, if you had said something like ".....and the replies?", I would think that was rather abrupt. :-)

I think I may just have been a bit abrupt with someone. A thread from Nov last year has reappeared with a request for more info. The poster had never been back to the thread and there was no acknowledgment in the new post of the info already found and no thank you. Not from somebody that new to the boards (23 posts). I shan't be helping on that one!

Yes, I usually do that too, Cynthia, but sometimes forget in the heat of the moment!

It would still be good if the page refreshed itself, like email.

Jane

You may have a point there argyllgran.

What I tend to do, if posting a message that takes me a while to type, I copy it, refresh the page and then paste it if the information is still relevant.

Haven't looked at much this morning as have been out.

While I completely agree with Cynthia and the other posters on this thread, the quick-fire nature of the boards may sometimes be part of the reason for some replies coming across as abrupt.

Because replies are usually posted so quickly, there's a certain amount of pressure to add your tuppenceworth before someone else posts the same exciting bit of info that you've found, or before the answer to your question is posted before your question is, which then makes you look as if you haven't read the thread.

I wish the screen would refresh itself automatically when something new is added.
While you're composing or previewing your reply, you don't know what else is being added to the thread. If you refresh the screen to check on that before posting your carefully composed message, you lose your message.
Therefore I think some posters just quickly post the info or ask the question without taking time to think how it might appear to the reader.

Which does not excuse all the abrupt posts! It does seem to me, though, that the Board Police have backed off a bit on other threads since this one started, so that's good.
[LATER] Well, I take that last sentence back, having had a look at one or two threads this morning.

That is exactly the point Cynthia.

It's the way it is said, not the question that is asked.

When I came on here in 2004 I saw a friend of mine plottin her tree, I watched the genealogy telly programmes, I got given my grandad's birth cert.

I bought myself a subscription on here, it was ages until I knew all the different places to look., which ones were free, which ones you had to pay for. FreeBMD was a revelation to me ! Over the years I have learnt things, found sites and eventually actually been able to help others

I have had some curt replies myself and I think to myself I'm 56 for goodness sake I don't need people snapping at me like this. They wouldn't do it if I was in the room with them?

anyway a name and shame board that would be a laugh :-D

Some more good points raised. :-D


I think MC and Anne raised a good issue re posting too much information and thus totally swamping a new poster with a bewildering array of names and details.


It takes me ages to wade through a census for salient facts and I often need advice on how to sort out relationships. Others though, can sail through a census with no difficulty, spotting relationships easily. We are all different.



Sylvia's point is also valid, in that it's helpful to know where people have already looked - it just takes those single words 'please' and 'thank you' eg......"Please could you tell us where you have looked?" to make all the difference between a request and an order.

I also believe that we should be helping people new to the hobby learn how to do it ..................... telling them about the sites, teaching them how to use freebmd, etc .............. instead of just always feeding them the information

To that end, I provide the site where I found the information ................. and most especially when it is one of the obscure sites that I've found of possible use over the years, such as Castle Garden (for immigration into the US from the 1830s to the 1890s), or the Blacksmiths Index




I also think that we do need to know where someone has searched before we start looking ............. hence the "where have you looked?", "have you searched freebmd?" "what else do you know?"


Unfortunately, those are all questions that can come over as staccato and abrupt, or rude.

LancashireAnn ..............



yep, I have a little black book, but so do some others .............

.................. but the list is of people who have been unbelievably rude and unpleasant on threads after having asked for and been given help .........

........... or have been found to be professional researchers.

You would not believe some of the things that have been said to (or about) me!

Other helpers have also been insulted or maligned ............... I assume they keep their own lists of people they will no longer help "because ..."



I believe that I have no need to place myself in the firing llne more than once ......... I volunteer my time, and do my best.

If someone repays that voluntary help with vituperation, then I do not need the aggravation.

Should anyone wish to help Nigel

new thread

http://www.genesreunited.co.uk/boards/board/living_relatives/thread/1321144

thanks you TS - suspisions confirmed :-)

Please could someone pm me too to confirm / or not confirm my suspicions :-S

was it Sylvia who had the little black book of miscreants?

Thank you Ann, I feel better now and I also have the answer :-D :-D

Not TS or Gins.
I do have my suspicions but, lets face it, someone here could be their bestest pal or, or junior ranking officer for all I know!
LOL

Ummmm hope not Gins, I have pm'd you